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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28732911">blurred lines</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelbeachcat/pseuds/angelbeachcat'>angelbeachcat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Tiny Meat Gang (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Graphic Violence, Physical Abuse, Poor Cody, Slow Burn, Verbal Abuse, cody is a diver, no beta we die like men, noel is a boxer, noel is not abusive, they are in college</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:40:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>38,935</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28732911</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelbeachcat/pseuds/angelbeachcat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Cody and Elijah's relationship was going just fine. Besides occasionally having to stare down Elijah's best friend, Noel, who seems to be set on making Cody's life hell, everything is great. Until Elijah gets violent. Then it's not great.<br/>(Will be back May 16th! Just taking a short break)<br/>-</p><p>(Spoilers:<br/>The one where Cody's dating Noel's best friend. And Cody and Noel hate each other. But then circumstances change and it turns out they get along a lot better than they originally thought.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aleena (Tiny Meat Gang)/Kelsey Kreppel, Cody Ko &amp; Noel Miller, Cody Ko/Noel Miller, Cody Ko/Original Male Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>317</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>177</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A/N: I am not claiming in any way that Cody and Noel are gay - they've got real life relationships that I respect and admire. This is just creative writing practice where I take bits of their characters online and use them as parts of a fictional story. If anyone expresses discomfort I will take this down and republish unassociated with the fandom.<br/>Please do not show this to Tiny Meat Gang or any of their affiliates.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Noel could not STAND Elijah’s boyfriend, Cody. He’s got that dopey frat boy thing going for him which Elijah really seems to like, but apart from that he’s just annoying to be around. He’s too soft, too quiet and kind of a buzzkill.</p><p>Elijah’s his childhood friend, so he tries his best to be supportive. They grew up down the street from each other, started boxing at the same time, and escaped to each other’s houses whenever shit got tough. They survived through the hell that was their home town together; full of backwards attitudes and that crab bucket mentality. They pulled each other out of there and he can sort of see the appeal of having a boyfriend who could let him pretend that everything was dandy in the before days.</p><p>Cody came here on a diving scholarship. He’s got that toothy good for nothing smile, and his hair flops around when he talks. There’s nothing inherently wrong about it, but it feels wrong next to Elijah.</p><p>Cody and him get along okay at first. They were in the same major. But over time, Cody becomes so tightly wound it becomes impossible to have a conversation with him without Noel wanting to slam his head into a wall.</p><p>It takes everything in him not to snap when once in a blue moon they get high, and Cody’s there with his slumped shoulders and furrowed eyebrows, reminding them they have class tomorrow morning. He tags along at bars and gets anxious as Elijah drinks. Eventually, Elijah and Cody stop coming out with them at all. When Elijah starts being late to the gym in the morning because Cody doesn’t want him to go, he decides to step in.</p><p>If Cody has a control issue, that’s on him to figure out. He sure as hell is not dragging his best friend down. He doesn’t tell Elijah, just takes Cody’s address from his phone without him knowing, and heads on over there on a Wednesday night.</p><p>He knocks on the door aggressively, and doesn’t stop until he sees the door handle turn. Cody’s there, in a dark hoodie and his hair is wet. He looks a lot more tired than the last time he saw him. </p><p>He smiles when he sees Noel, and opens his mouth to say hello before Noel cuts him off.</p><p>“Move,” he orders, and Cody steps aside and lets him into his dorm room.</p><p>Noel looks around the apartment. It’s got lilies set on the kitchen countertop and there’s clean laundry, folded neatly and set into two piles on the couch.</p><p>For a student apartment, it’s huge.<br/>
“You live here alone?” He asks, shoving his hands into his coat pockets, feeling out of place. </p><p>Cody shakes his head no, hands fidgeting with each other as he watches Noel look around. “My roommate is just out of town this week.”</p><p>Silence hangs in there, and Cody suddenly feels nauseous. </p><p>“Can I get your coat?” He offers, motioning towards the closet. </p><p>Noel remembers he didn’t come here to just chat.</p><p>“What’s your deal dude?” He asks Cody, crossing his arms over his chest. “Elijah says you haven’t been letting him hit the gym in the morning anymore.”</p><p>Cody looks confused. He cocks his head to the side like a dog.</p><p>“What? Elijah still goes to the gym.”</p><p>“Don’t play dumb, Elijah never goes out anywhere anymore and it started because of you. So I’m here to ask what your problem is?” </p><p>Something clicks in Cody’s brain and his eyes go wide for a second. He tugs at his right sleeve.</p><p>“Oh, um, I haven’t told him to stop going to the gym, diving season just started and he’s just been driving me up for practice. I didn’t know it was interfering with your gym time, sorry.”</p><p>Noel feels kind of stupid now. It really wasn’t that big of a deal now that he was here, with Cody who was basically explaining that sometimes, boyfriends spend time together.</p><p>“Right. My bad,” He says, feeling out of place and out of gusto. </p><p>Cody smiles at him awkwardly, and he feels like a little kid who’s pissed off his babysitter has other friends.</p><p>“Elijah’s like my brother, y’know,” he tries to justify. “We grew up together. So if you hurt him or try to fuck his life up, I’ll fuck you up.”</p><p>It seems like four months into a relationship is a bit too late to be giving this talk to Elijah’s boyfriend. Cody’s nice about it at the least, but it seems backhanded as hell.</p><p> “No, I totally get it. It’s hard adjusting to college, especially when your only friend gets a partner.”</p><p>Noel tries his best to laugh it off and not be a dick back. “Relax, he’s not my only friend. I just get worried about him, especially now that he’s dating you.”</p><p>
  <em> Mission failed, obviously. </em>
</p><p>Cody looks upset about this. “The fuck is that supposed to mean?” He straightens his back out and clenches his jaw which almost makes Noel laugh because there’s no way this <em> water ballerina </em> can take on him.</p><p>Cody looks angry now. Oops. He didn’t mean to say that part out loud. </p><p>“The fuck is your problem with me? You came into my house at some god forsaken hour and then you’re going to piss all over my relationship?” Cody jabs.</p><p>Noel snorts. “Down, <em> grandpa </em>. First of all, it is nine o’clock. Second of all, if I’m being honest, I don’t get what he sees in you at all. You have a stick shoved so far up your ass-”</p><p>“I do not!” Cody yells indignantly. “You’re just jealous I’m dating him. You should’ve made a move if you like him that much, but he’s with me now.”</p><p>Noel laughs in his face and steps closer to Cody. “If I wanted Elijah, I’d take him. Stop deflecting this onto me when it’s you who’s incompatible with him in the first place. If I wanted you gone so bad I would just have to tell him to leave you. But you make him happy so I tolerate it.”</p><p>Noel walks out, slamming the door before Cody can get another word in. </p><p> </p><p>_</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“I fucking hate Cody-” </p><p>“I know you do, Noel. Can you just hold out on starting something with him for one day?” Elijah sounds exhausted. He turns the steering wheel sharply as a car speeds past them. Slamming down on the horn, he curses the driver out.</p><p> They’ve had this conversation so many times. </p><p>To Cody’s credit, Elijah had started coming to the gym on time again. (If Noel did or didn’t bitch about it on the phone for an hour and a half to him about it is irrelevant.)</p><p>Elijah wanted to meet Cody’s friends from high school today. They suggested he bring a couple of his friends too, and that’s how Noel got roped into this.</p><p> </p><p>Noel’s phone dings. </p><p> </p><p>Spock: yo i’m here where are you</p><p> </p><p>Noel: two mins away go find Cody</p><p> </p><p>Spock: i can’t see him</p><p> </p><p>Spock: wait nvm </p><p> </p><p>Spock: okay cool see you in a bit</p><p> </p><p>When they get to the restaurant, a fucking diner, Elijah turns to him and puts his hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“Look, Noel,” He starts. “I know you don’t like Cody, but please do your best to be civil. If not to him, at least his friends. I know you can’t see why I like him, but he means a lot to me. I’m really counting on tonight to go well,” he cracks a smile.</p><p>“Alright, but if he provokes me-”<br/>
“He won’t,” Elijah said, cutting him off. “I promise.”</p><p>Something about Elijah’s statement feels wrong, but Noel shakes it off.</p><p>The bell above the door jingles as they walk in. </p><p>Spock is sitting across from Cody, who’s wearing a turtleneck in the sweltering California heat. There’s two guys seated on his side of the table.</p><p><em> Dumbass, </em> Noel can’t help but think. But he smiles and says “Hey guys,” instead, and slides into the seat next to Spock.</p><p>The guys introduce themselves as Devon and Marcus; they grew up here but decided to go out of state for college. They’re actually pretty cool, which surprises Noel.</p><p>Cody turns his head to look at him and offers him a small apologetic smile. Noel knows Elijah is watching him, so he smiles back.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>_</p><p> </p><p>The night goes relatively well. Devon and Marcus’s flight back is in two hours, so they decide to go straight to the airport. Elijah and Cody decide they want to head to Cody’s tonight, so they walk out together with Noel to Elijah’s car. </p><p>“Would you like to ride shotgun?” Cody asks Noel, his voice polite. </p><p>“Uh, no it’s cool. I’m getting off first anyways,” Noel says, climbing into the back. Cody looks upset by his answer but climbs in next to Elijah.</p><p>“Your friends are cool,” Noel says, trying to make small talk.</p><p>“Yeah babe,” Elijah agrees. “You never told me that they were on the diving team with you. Must be nice, to practice with friends”</p><p>“<em> You </em> practice with me, asshole,” Noel grumbled, punching the back of Elijah’s seat.</p><p>“Yeah, but you’ve moved up the ranks now. We can’t go at it like we used to.”</p><p>Noel snorts. “That’s what he said.”</p><p>He catches Cody’s eye in the mirror.</p><p>“What?” Noel asks, feeling bold and confrontational. “Can’t take a joke?” </p><p>He knows he’s pushing Cody’s buttons but he doesn’t care.</p><p>“Fuck off, Miller. And I didn’t do anything, why are you instigating shit?”</p><p>“Instigating? That’s a big word.  Can you spell it Cody?”</p><p>Elijah stops the car. </p><p>“Shut up, both of you. Noel, we’re at your flat,” he tells Noel. He daps up Elijah, nods at Cody, and climbs out of the car to climb up the steps to his apartment.</p><p> </p><p>_</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Cody takes a deep breath as Elijah and him walk into his apartment. He knows he hasn’t done anything wrong but this feeling has settled into his stomach and he can’t pinpoint why. </p><p>Elijah’s been angrier with him recently. He’s been more frustrated with Elijah too. He’s gotten increasingly heated whenever Cody tried to bring up any problems in their relationship. Maybe it’s because he knows Elijah wants Noel more than he wants him. </p><p>Cody wasn’t stupid. </p><p>The way his eyes lingered on him a second longer than they did on Cody, the way their chemistry came a lot more naturally. The way he grimaces every time Noel calls him his brother.</p><p>Noel didn’t want him back though. To his knowledge. He had to cling onto that, and hope Elijah got over him. </p><p>He felt bad for taking it out on Noel, but to be fair Noel hated him first. Maybe Noel liked Elijah back and just had a funnier way of showing it. </p><p>“I’m going to the bathroom,” He tells Elijah.</p><p>“No the fuck you’re not. What was that today?”</p><p>Cody feels his blood run cold and that gut feeling that something was wrong intensified. </p><p>“What was what?”</p><p>Elijah pitches his voice higher. <em> “Devon, remember when we went to that diving meet and you fucked me in the changing room? That was so much fun-” </em></p><p>“I didn’t say that! What are you talking about?”</p><p>Elijah scoffs. </p><p>“Am I not good enough for you Cody?” Elijah asks, stepping closer. “Is that it? Am I not strong enough to protect you, funny enough to make you laugh? Is that why you kept fucking talking about <em> Devon this </em> or <em> Marcus that- </em>”</p><p>“I haven’t seen them in months! I missed them! Not all of us have a <em> Noel </em> on standby. Stop acting fucking crazy-”</p><p>Cody heard the sound of Elijah’s hand coming down on his skin before he felt the sting.</p><p>They stood there in silence for a second.</p><p>“Noel isn’t some guy on standby, Cody. I’d be very careful with what I said next.”</p><p>Elijah’s voice has become low and dangerous. Cody knows Elijah has a temper, but he didn’t think he’d hit him. </p><p>
  <em> Elijah hit me. He hit me he hit me he hit me.  </em>
</p><p>Elijah scoffs. He’s only an inch or two taller but he towers over Cody right now. </p><p>“Don’t stand there looking at me like you’re going to cry, <em> Cody </em>. We’re both men. We can talk it out like men.”</p><p>Cody blinks tears furiously. The gears in his brain seem to have started working again. </p><p>“You hit me, you asshole!” He’s breathing hard. “That’s-that’s abuse, you can’t do that!”</p><p>Elijah’s hand comes down hard on the same cheek. He shoves Cody against the wall.</p><p>“It’s not abuse, stop saying that. You got no clue what you’re talking about. <em> Abuse </em> is when daddy <em> thumps </em> mommy till her face is black and blue. Another <em> man-” </em>he pauses to grab Cody’s collar and slam him against the wall. </p><p>“Another <em> man </em> roughing you up a little bit is just a regular fuckin’ relationship. You wouldn’t know that though, would you Cody? You haven’t seen shit in your life. You don’t know what you’re <em> talking </em>about.”</p><p>Cody does not know what to do. He’s scared to breath, scared to move. He sees Elijah’s bicep flex, feels his knuckles on his chest. </p><p>He thinks back to last week when Noel called him a water ballerina in comparison to what him and Elijah train for. He knows he’s right, and chooses to bite his tongue. </p><p>“Answer me, <em> baby, </em>” Elijah drawls out. “You know nothing. If people get knocked around like that and still stay together, does this count as abuse?”</p><p>Cody swallows hard and shakes his head no. </p><p>Elijah laughs humorlessly. He lets go of Cody, straightening out his shirt like nothing happened. </p><p>“That’s why <em> Noel </em> and I need each other. We saw some dark shit go down. Stuff you’re sheltered from your whole life. When I do this-”</p><p>He pulls Cody’s hair back aggressively. </p><p>“-that’s fucking <em> nothing. </em>How dare you act like a victim when people go through shit like that.”</p><p>Cody averts his gaze. He feels shame and then he feels ashamed for being ashamed.  </p><p>
  <em> He can get through this. He can get through this and break up with Elijah tomorrow. Kelsey will be back tomorrow. Then everything will be okay. He doesn’t have to see Elijah ever again. Or Noel. Elijah and Noel can fuck it out and be happy. Fuck.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> What if he hurts Kelsey? </em>
</p><p>Elijah is in the kitchen now. He calls out to Cody. </p><p>“I’m going to make a sandwich, d’you want one babe?”</p><p>Cody swallows hard again. <em> Fuck. I guess I gotta stay with him till he wants to leave me? What if I try to piss him off? </em></p><p>
  <em> No, what if he hits me again? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Maybe it was a one time thing.  </em>
</p><p>His cheek fucking burns. Cody decided he would think about this tomorrow. </p><p>“Um, no thank you.” </p><p>He walks to the fridge, carefully taking out an ice pack. He watched Elijah warily, seeing if he had something to say about it. </p><p>Elijah wraps his arms around Cody’s waist and puts his head in Cody’s neck. </p><p>A choking sobbing noise escapes his throat. He’s so confused. </p><p>“It’s okay. You didn’t know,” Elijah says, soothingly running a hand down his back. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Cody hears himself whisper. </p><p>Elijah presses the ice pack to his cheek and holds him close with the other arm. </p><p>“It’s okay Cody, I forgive you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning, Cody’s back hurts a little and his cheek still stings. Elijah’s arm is draped across his neck and their legs are tangled up. </p><p>He feels Elijah stir and immediately opens his eyes. </p><p>He hates it. </p><p>Cody feels like he’s on fire. He’s already a bit anxious on the daily, and he’s been even more on edge since he had a theory Elijah liked Noel. </p><p>Noel is a good looking guy, he thinks to himself. He’s strong too. That’s probably why Elijah thought he could handle the physical manoeuvring last night. Because Noel could. And he couldn’t.</p><p>He grimaces as Elijah turns to face him in bed. </p><p>“Morning, darling.” </p><p>Cody smiles in response, and Elijah traces his fingers across Cody’s collarbones, up his neck and only his cheek. He winces at the contact. Elijah always has cold hands. He feels fingernails digging into his skin and he doesn’t dare move. </p><p>“God, Cody.”</p><p>Elijah sounds upset with him. </p><p>He hears Elijah’s ringtone and he watches his boyfriend climbs out of bed to answer it. </p><p>Cody lies there. He thinks and thinks and thinks. </p><p>
  <em> The PROS of staying: </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It might never happen again. Our relationship is good otherwise.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> CON:  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It may happen again. It may happen worse again.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> PRO:  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It could just be Elijah lashing out because of his trauma. If he saw a therapist everything could be okay.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> CON: </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Elijah hated when Cody gave him feedback on anything, and with last night, he’s not sure what would happen if he tried to bring it up.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> PRO:  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It ensures Kelsey’s safety.  </em>
</p><p>His heart hurt. He can’t let anything happen to her. </p><p>“Babe? I gotta go. Meeting.”</p><p>Elijah smiles at him, dimples prominent in the morning light. His blonde curly hair framed his face, contrasting with pale skin. Cody smiled, trying to desperately feel the butterflies he felt just three months ago for him. His stomach just curls uncomfortably. </p><p>Elijah leans forward quickly and Cody winces backwards. But Elijah just presses his lips to Cody’s cheek and laughs. </p><p>
  <em> This is nice. See? It’s not that bad. It can still be good. </em>
</p><p>“Make sure you cover the bruise before you head outside,” Elijah calls as he leaves.</p><p>Cody’s fingers brush over his cheek.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Noel cannot get his code to run. </p><p>He’s tried checking Stack Overflow, checked for missing variables, then he went back and renamed all his fucking variables, but it still wouldn’t run. His usual study group is taking this course next semester, and this lecture is huge and he doesn’t really know anyone, and it’s due in four hours so he’s in a tough spot. </p><p>He sighs and remembers Cody is in the same course. He hasn’t spoken to him since four days ago when they met his friends. He contemplates whether it’s worth it but picks up the phone to call Elijah. </p><p>The phone rings two times before he answers. </p><p>“Yo,” Elijah’s voice sounds gruff through the speaker. </p><p>“Hey man, is Cody free today?”</p><p>“Um, I think so. Why?”</p><p>“I can’t figure out this assignment and I need his help. Can you ask him if he’s free and if he can help me?”</p><p>“Uh, yeah, sure man. Got you.”</p><p>“Thanks bro, I appreciate it.”</p><p>Silence hangs on the line for a moment. </p><p>“I miss you Noel,” Elijah says through the speaker. “Feels like I haven’t seen you forever to just hang out.”</p><p>“If you could peel your bitch off of you then maybe we could,” Noel jokes, but not really because he’s turned hating Cody into a brand. </p><p>Elijah laughs. </p><p>“He won’t bother us for a while, don’t worry. We should go for dinner or something after you finish your shit.”</p><p>Elijah’s words feel weird again but Noel shakes it off. </p><p>“Dinner? Are you trying to ask me out?” Noel laughs into the speaker. </p><p>Elijah laughs too. “Yeah dude. I’d dump Cody for your ass any day. Speaking of, he said you can go over now and I sent him your number so he could send you his address. I’ll pick you up from his house after you’re done.”</p><p>“Four hours from now sounds good man,” “Roger that,” Elijah says, a smile in his voice. “Bye.”</p><p>His phone dings. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Unknown number: hey. This is Cody. I think you already have my address  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> You: yeah I got it thanks</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Cody has been added to contacts</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Cody: ok see you </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> - </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Noel gets to Cody’s apartment and knocks on the door firmly three times. A girl opens the door. She narrows her eyes at him. Noel feels awkward. </p><p>“Um, hey, I’m here for Cody?”</p><p>She opens the door and lets him in. </p><p>“I’ll go get him. You’re Noel right?”</p><p>Noel nods. “Yessir. And you are?”</p><p>The girl smiles politely. “Name’s Kelsey. Cody’s told me all about you.”</p><p>She holds out her hand and Noel shakes it. Her grip is strong. </p><p>
  <em> Aw fuck. Cody definitely told her about me. </em>
</p><p>Cody comes down the stairs and the dude looks awful. His hair is a mess, he’s wearing the same dark hoodie that he was when Noel came over last time to try and be a hero.</p><p>“I’d love to stay and chat but I gotta head out now,” Kelsey says, grabbing a backpack sitting in the hallway and slinging it over her shoulder. “Bye Cody. Bye Noel.”</p><p>Cody waves at her as she walks out the door.</p><p>“Hey,” he says to Noel. He smiles at him but it doesn’t reach his eyes.</p><p>Noel tries to smile back. He kind of feels bad. </p><p>“Hey so, uh, did you finish the lab?”</p><p>Him and Cody sit down, and he opens up his computer and hands it to Cody. Cody’s eyes work quickly, and he aggressively uses the arrow keys. </p><p>Noel watches him for a few minutes before Cody snorts. </p><p>“What?” Noel asks, leaning in to see. </p><p>“I don’t know if you’ll be happy or infuriated,” Cody snickers, handing the laptop back to him. </p><p>“You did it right, you just forgot to add a period there,” he says, pointing to the eighth line. </p><p>“Fuck,” Noel curses, throwing his head back. “Are you joking?” He fixes it quickly and runs the code. It works. </p><p>He’s so happy he could cry. </p><p>“God Cody, thank you. I know I’m a real dick to you sometimes but I appreciate you for this one.”</p><p>“No problem, you could’ve figured this one out yourself,” Cody says, and he tries to smile but his cheek still kind of hurts. </p><p>
  <em> Fuck, that sounded kinda backhanded.  </em>
</p><p>“I don’t mean that like back handedly. I don’t mind helping you, it’s just that you’re smart. Also I’m sorry about last time you came over too.” </p><p>Noel watches him and doesn’t say anything. His bicep twitches and Cody feels anxious. </p><p>“I didn’t mean to offend you. And I don’t think you’re trying to steal my boyfriend. I just had a bit of a shit day and took it out on you. Sorry.”</p><p>
  <em> Fuck. He’s rambling.  </em>
</p><p>Noel shakes his head. “It’s all good, don’t worry. I was kind of a dick to you too. And for the record I don’t think you’re a water ballerina.”</p><p>Cody laughs, feeling like someone directly injected the feeling of relief into his bloodstream. </p><p>“I feel stupid now. Elijah’s coming to pick me up from here in an hour or two cause I anticipated this would take a lot longer,” Noel says, standing up. “If you want I can leave.”</p><p>“No, no it’s fine. You can stay,” Cody says. </p><p>“We could like, watch a movie or just mess around. Or you could work if you got stuff to do.” </p><p>
  <em> What the fuck Cody. Why would you put yourself in this situation?  </em>
</p><p>“Uh yeah, sure,” Noel says, rolling out his shoulders. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“You have to <em> diet </em>for diving?”</p><p>“Well...yeah dude. It’s a sport.” </p><p>Noel is sitting on his couch, eating popcorn as Cody lies down on the futon in front of him.</p><p>“Is it hard?” Noel asks, slumping down further on the sofa. </p><p>Cody shakes his head no. “The eating part isn’t that bad, but I cook most of my own shit so it’s time consuming.”</p><p>“Jesus,” Noel says, rolling up his sleeves. “I just try to eat clean but I don’t <em> diet. </em>Maybe the week of an actual fight.”</p><p>“You fight?” Cody asked. His eyes go wide for a split second.<br/>
“Yeah man, sometimes. I just started a few months ago. It’s all just for fun though, I’m not trying to break in professionally or anything like that. I get paid for it, which is dope.”</p><p>Noel flexes his arms and doesn’t miss Cody flinching. </p><p>“You okay? You were jumpy as hell, jumper than normal.”</p><p>Cody kicks himself in his own head. “Yeah it’s all good, just don’t tell Elijah.”</p><p>
  <em> Why’d he say that? </em>
</p><p>“What?” Noel sits up straight now, eyebrows furrowing. “Why not?”</p><p>
  <em> FUCK! </em>
</p><p>“Uhh, honestly, I’ve been drinking a little and he just doesn’t like it when I do it on a weeknight.”</p><p>Noel does not buy it for a SECOND. He can see it on his face.</p><p>“Uh, yeah. Sure dude.”</p><p>The silence feels awkward after they just spent the last hour actually enjoying each other’s company. Cody feels like a dick.</p><p>Noel’s phone buzzes.</p><p> </p><p>Elijah: ayo I’m outside</p><p> </p><p>“Elijah’s outside,” Noel says. He stands up and stretches, smiling at Cody for the first time genuinely. “Thanks for being cool tonight Cody, g’night.”</p><p>Cody walks him to the door and when he opens it Elijah’s standing right there.</p><p>“Hey guys, how was the coding?” </p><p>“Stupid,” Noel says, grabbing his windbreaker and backpack. “Cody figured it out in like ten seconds.”</p><p>“That’s great,” Elijah says, slapping Noel’s shoulder. “Get in the car, I’m gonna say bye to Cody.”</p><p>Noel gags and sprints down the hall.</p><p>Cody notices Noel doesn’t flinch for a second. He feels shitty about last week again, shitty about getting all in his feelings when he grew up so coddled. Holy shit, Elijah was right.</p><p>“Hi <em> baby, </em>” Elijah says, grinning the way he always does before he starts a fight. </p><p>“I guess you and Noel get along great now, huh? The fuck were you doing if you weren’t doing homework?”</p><p>Cody <em> knows </em>this is wrong. He could let the first little aggressiveness slide but this wasn’t normal behaviour, right?</p><p>“He just said that you were coming to pick him up from here in an hour so I said he could stay!” Cody argues. “I thought you hated that Noel and I hate each other, the fuck is the problem with us hanging out?”</p><p>Elijah goes silent. </p><p>Cody feels satisfied with standing up for himself until Elijah takes three steps towards him, backing him into a corner.</p><p>“The fuck is my problem with my <em> boyfriend </em>whoring himself out? Jesus Christ Cody,” Elijah yells, spit flying from his mouth. </p><p>Elijah’s palm is on the front of his throat, and his fingers settle around his neck. Cody is petrified. </p><p>
  <em> What did you need to get bold for? </em>
</p><p>“I didn’t sleep or do anything with him, I swear!” Cody says, slumping against the wall, trying to take the pressure off his neck but Elijah pulls him upwards. </p><p>“Liar,” Elijah snarls. “I can smell his cologne all over you.”</p><p>“Noel doesn’t wear cologne-”</p><p>Elijah punches him in the ribs. He pulls Cody’s hair back again and slaps him three times on his previously healing cheek.</p><p>“How the fuck would you know that Cody? I trust Noel, so I know he didn’t sleep with your ass, but I’m sure you were ogling him all evening. Just so we’re clear Cody-”</p><p>He drops his grip on Cody’s throat and Cody feels so dizzy he just falls to the ground.</p><p>Elijah kicked at him.</p><p>“Never fucking talk to me like that again.”</p><p>When Cody looked up at him, eyes brimming with tears, he scoffed.</p><p>“Go the fuck ahead, cry about it, scream about it. But you know who’s down the hall and in the car? You know who’s on my side regardless of how unfaithful you are? Noel. And he hates you even more than I do. If I told him to <em> kill </em> you, he would. Don’t get any fuckin’ ideas.”</p><p>Elijah slams the door behind him and Cody scrambles to get up and put himself together before Kelsey gets home.</p><p> </p><p>_</p><p> </p><p>Noel feels happy. He’s buzzed, he’s with his best friend and it feels like old times again. He takes a swig of Modelo and wraps his arm around Elijah’s shoulder. Elijah’s sober as hell, singing along to whatever the fuck is playing.</p><p>“Noel,” Elijah whispers in his ear, “Noel, I gotta tell you something.” </p><p>Noel turns towards him and notices tears in Elijah’s eyes. </p><p>“What’s up dude? You okay?”</p><p>“Noel, Cody and I’s relationship isn’t going too well. He hits me.”</p><p>Noel takes a second to process the information. Then he feels angry.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>yikes poor cody :/<br/>comments are appreciated and are literally my only source of happiness at the moment<br/>idk when the next update will be but i'll try to crank them out weekly at the least</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>you guys are so nice in the comments i literally cry while reading them so honoured to have so many of you reading :) been kind of a rough couple of days so i've been writing to ignore my problems so here's chapter 3!! lmk what you think</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Noel feels himself sobering up. Elijah looks at him, glassy eyed and small. Cody didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>seem</span>
  </em>
  <span> abusive but he knows very well how looks can be deceiving. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody’s just anxious and jumpy as hell. He’s like a chipmunk that’s got trauma. He also backed down so quickly when Noel confronted him. But slowly it starts to make sense. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why Elijah couldn’t come to the gym in the morning. Why Cody gets weird around him sometimes. Why he didn’t want Elijah to know he was being skittish - </span>
  <em>
    <span>this motherfucker is a sociopath. He’s faked his entire personality. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Noel starts, but he doesn’t know how to continue. He turns to face Elijah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When did this start? How’d this happen?” He asks, trying his best to be calm. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You gotta keep it together for Elijah, you can act out later. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve just been fighting a lot more for the past few weeks. He thinks I’m cheating on him all the time, which sucks because I’m not. Even thought I was hooking up with you behind his back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>God, Noel is angry. That’s why Cody bought it up so out of nowhere when he came to his house to confront him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that also why you didn’t go to the gym at all for a week?” Noel asks, running his hand through his own hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elijah stares at the floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He leaves marks. He’s fucking strong dude.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Noel was bubbling before, he’s boiling over now. Jesus Christ. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where?” He asks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elijah swallows hard, then stands. He motions for Noel to follow him to the bathroom. Once they get there he winces and pulls up his shirt, revealing bruising ribs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus Fucking Christ,” Noel curses. He clenched his fists tightly and tried to control his breathing but he just sees red. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He has so many more questions, but he’s in shock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noel, I wanna go home,” Elijah says, putting his head on his shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go,” Noel says. They both don’t move. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cody bakes when he’s anxious. He’s got angel cake in the oven, and is currently sifting flour into the muffin batter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kelsey says she won’t be back tonight, she’s apartment hunting again. Their lease is up in six weeks and she’s thinking of moving in with Aleena. They offered Cody a spot with them too, but he declined. He’s probably going to move back in with his parents and try and get an internship there for the summer and move into his fraternity’s house when he gets back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’ll be good that he isn’t living with Kelsey, because then he can safely break up with Elijah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He feels so confused. Elijah was never a bad boyfriend to him. He was always so protective, So gentle. He did all the right things; pulled him closer when they walked down the street, always ordered for him at restaurants, gave him his hoodies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elijah would joke that Cody felt more like his girlfriend than his boyfriend, and Cody didn’t really think it was all that funny but he’d poke his dimples and they’d just sit there, laughing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His phone dings. He puts on oven mitts, and goes to take the cake out of the oven. As he sets it on the counter top, there’s a loud knocking on the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Placing the mitts next to the cooling rack, he walks to the door. He looks through the peephole and sees Elijah. He opens the door, swallowing hard as his fingers turn the knob. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s just your boyfriend. He gets mad sometimes, so what? It’s not that bad. Honestly. People go through stressful times. I just need to be supportive. If it gets worse I can always leave. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Somewhere in between Cody’s thought process, the door completely opened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gasps as he looks Elijah over. His eyes are red and puffy, his shirt looks wrinkled.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What happened over the course of two and a half hours that resulted in this?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Cody says, ushering him onto the couch. “What happened?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elijah swallows hard and looks at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe you’re going to pretend like nothing happened Cody,” he says, voice cracking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody feels the blood run out of his arms. He feels like jelly. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He feels bad. He feels bad and I’m making him out to be some big bad guy in my own head. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Elijah,” Cody whispers, sitting next to him and rubbing his shoulder. “I’m really sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t get why you’d do that to me Cody,” Elijah repeats, voice icier and posture stiff. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody closes his eyes and lets that familiar feeling of doom pass through him. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s fine. It’s fine, we’ll address it and move on. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t get why you’d hurt me so hard,” Elijah says, hand gripping Cody’s thigh. “So hard that my ribs are all bruised.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulls up the side of his shirt and Cody gasps. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Holy shit Elijah, how the fuck did that happen?” He tries to stand but Elijah holds him in place, tightening his grip on his leg. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did it to me. You called me an abuser. When you know what I’ve been through. I was so upset with myself that you saw me as someone who hurts you when I was just letting you know when I was vulnerable. Y’know what I did Cody? I went and I fought someone yesterday. I didn’t wear any protective padding. I did it for you, so that we could be even. I’ve taken so many hits for you, when you won’t even tolerate my insecurities.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, Cody is oblivious sometimes, and he knows he let the previous two times go, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>has to be wrong right? Letting yourself get beat up so you can make your boyfriend feel shitty about the fact you hit him? That’s manipulative. That’s manipulation. It’s not a sacrifice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sit in silence as Cody thinks of what to say next.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think we should be together Elijah. If we hurt each other that much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elijah’s laboured breathing stops. It is quiet in the flat, and Cody feels his ears ringing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>We </span>
  </em>
  <span>don’t hurt each other Cody, you hurt me. But I’m still willing to love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You. Hit. Me. I don’t care if you’ve seen worse, you hit me first!” Cody says, exasperated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knows this is the wrong thing to say as he watches Elijah clench his jaw. Then Elijah sighs angrily, and moves to adjust the pillow behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s always about you, isn’t it Cody?” Elijah pitches his voice higher as if to mock him. </span>
</p><p><span>“You</span> <span>hit </span><em><span>me</span></em><span>. </span><em><span>You </span></em><span>hurt </span><em><span>me</span></em><span>. Have you ever thought about how bad you provoke </span><em><span>me? </span></em><span>How hard I try for you? Cody, you’re fuckin’ annoying. It’s painful to be around you sometimes. You’ve gotten so anxious since we got together for no reason, and you’re on everyone’s ass all the time. Stop taking out your own shit on everyone else just cause they’re sick of dealing with it.”</span></p><p>
  <span>Elijah speaks so calmly at the very end, his voice soft and matter of fact. Cody’s insecure about coming off that way, and he knows he talks about it all the time but God, that one hurt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knows people don’t like it when he’s jumpy, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows </span>
  </em>
  <span>it’s annoying but he didn’t think people hated him that much. His own boyfriend fucking hated him that much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He feels tears well up in eyes and he feels embarrassed. Elijah is standing there, watching him. He sighs, and takes Cody into his arms, forcing his head into his neck and wrapping the other end around his rib cage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s sobbing before he knows it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck. Everyone really does hate me. I thought I was doing okay at convincing everyone it was all good and I had everything under control, but I guess not. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>God Cody, still thinking about yourself. Think about someone else. Think about Elijah, about how much he’s giving up to be here with you. About how he’s the only person man enough to tell you this to your face. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Cody, just let it all out,” Elijah soothes. He winced as Cody held him closer, then smiled sheepishly at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, it’s hard to hear, but you need to make some changes. Just be better. Be less selfish. Put yourself on a pedestal less,” Elijah coaches him, wiping the tears away from Cody’s left eye with his thumb. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks sad suddenly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Poor baby, I’m so sorry Cody,” Elijah whispers in his ear. “I shouldn’t have done this to you. I should go. ”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This triggers something very afraid inside of Cody. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-No, no, Elijah no, I did this to me. I’m sorry. I can be better. I can fix it for us,” he chokes out, tugging at his sleeve to stop him from leaving. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can fix it, please one more chance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elijah sadly smiles at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll think about it, okay Cody? I gotta think about myself too though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody nods, trying to bite back tears. If Elijah got this frustrated trying to deal with him as his boyfriend, the most intimate relationship in his life, he can’t imagine what his friends have to say. God, they probably hate him too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody asks Elijah if he’d like some cake for the road timidly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elijah turns around quickly and Cody feels like he’s going to hit him. He squeezes his eyes shut, waiting but Elijah just stands there, looking like Cody backhanded him. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You did it again. You made him feel shitty. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The air is thick, but Elijah slices through it by joking the cake is poisoned and Cody doesn’t think it’s funny but he still laughs. Placing three fourths of the cake in the good Tupperware, he sends Elijah off on his way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re like my girlfriend. Like, my bitchy, mean girlfriend,” he says before he leaves, a grin on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he sees Cody’s eyes drop he hooks a finger under his chin, kisses him softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just joking Cody. Don’t be so serious.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He drives off. Cody feels like shit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Elijah made Noel promise he wasn’t going to talk to Cody about it. Noel promises but he may have lied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He goes home and sits on the corner of the bed, thinking about what he was going to do. Elijah said he was going to leave Cody soon, but Noel doesn’t think Cody should get off that easy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He can still see Elijah’s ribs, littered with bruises. Cody clearly was lying when he acted all interested and novice-y about fighting; only someone with experience or an incredible amount of strength could’ve done something like that to Elijah, an experienced fighter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unless Elijah didn’t fight back. His blood runs cold and he tries to get the image out of his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He plays with a cord on his desk, weaving it between his fingers. He weighs his options.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fighting Cody would do jack shit. He could probably take him, which is why he’s been avoiding confrontation with Noel in any circumstance. But he doesn’t have the resources to fight back if Cody sues. Elijah refuses to take the case to the police, says it’ll create more problems than it’s worth. Noel thinks that’s bullshit because at least the fucker knows he can’t just go swinging on anyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He feels sick. He sat there in the same room as Cody, laughed at all his jokes, changed his mind a little on whether he liked him or not. Watched his hands fix his code and thanked him. Same hands that did that to Elijah’s ribs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes burn but sleep doesn’t come. He passes out staring at the ceiling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next morning, he calls Elijah, makes sure he’s okay. Elijah says he doesn’t want to talk about the thing so they make small talk instead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elijah says he’s secured his summer internship in Washington D.C, working as a public policy analyst. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel tells him he’ll miss him. Elijah says he’ll miss him too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have to talk about that right now dude, it’s like more than a month away. Let’s talk about you! And your fight,” Elijah says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel groans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t remind me dude, my trainer says I have to start dieting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thinks back of Cody on the futon, talking about how tofu was underrated as hell. He thinks of Elijah and his glassy eyes in the bar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, maybe Cody can help you with-” Elijah pauses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel thinks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, maybe he can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noel, don’t do anything-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t say I was going to do anything. But maybe he can help me. Maybe you should come too. We should all hang out, it’s normal to hang out with your best friend and his dude.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elijah’s voice sounds shaky. “I’m going to leave him, I just wanna do it when...when my lease is up dude. He knows where I live, think about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let him try,” Noel says.</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“I don’t want to let him try. I will lose, Noel,” Elijah’s voice is distant and cold.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel feels bad. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, sorry. Just, let’s all do a thing okay? So you’re not alone with him. I just wanna know his deal, I won’t start anything. Swear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There is silence for a couple seconds before Elijah says “fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel will keep his word. He won’t start anything, but if Cody does, he won’t hesitate to finish it.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>yikes</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you thank you thank you for the love in the comments :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cody and Elijah are going great, actually. It’s been six days since they tackled the root of the issue in their relationship, and Cody works hard at making the necessary changes but they are doing better now. </p><p>Elijah comes over after class, and Cody makes noodles while listening to him recap what debate broke out in the Public Relations seminar. Cody loves watching Elijah talk. He’s a fantastic storyteller; he moves his arms just the right amount, pauses in the right places, and has a voice that commands attention. </p><p>He was going to make a great lawyer someday, Cody thought to himself. </p><p>“Baby?” Elijah’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts. </p><p>“Sorry, was just thinking about how you’re going to make a great lawyer one day,” Cody says shyly. </p><p>Elijah smiles at him, pearly teeth. “You flatter me, stop it. If you keep this up-” he leans in and nips at Cody’s ear. “I’ll just have to wife you.”</p><p>Cody knows this should be great news. He smiles at Elijah and tries to widen his eyes so he looks happy and surprised. Elijah notices anyways. </p><p>“What’s wrong?” He asks Cody, frowning. “You don’t wanna marry me?”</p><p>Cody is panicking. He feels a bit trapped but what’s going for them is so good that he can’t mess it up now. </p><p>“I do, I do Elijah. I’ve just been stressed lately, sorry for being spacey.”</p><p>Elijah buys it. </p><p>“What’s keeping you stressed?”</p><p>“Just diving and internship stuff. It’s just a bit much to deal with at the time,” he admits. </p><p>“I can put in a word for you at my company in D.C. I know they’re looking for a transcriber and you know French.”</p><p>“I appreciate it, but I really want a computer science internship this summer,” he explains. </p><p>Elijah frowns. </p><p>“But if they take me, that’s awesome. I’ll consider it. I’ll just have to brush up on my French,” Cody backpedals. </p><p>“Noel says he needed your advice on some stuff,” Elijah continues, and Cody wants to let out a sigh of relief at this not turning into a fight. </p><p><em> Why do you always think your boyfriend’s starting a fight? Always assuming the worst, then pissed off when your relationship doesn’t work out, </em>the voice in his head negs him. He ignores it. </p><p>“Oh? What for?” </p><p>“He’s training for a fight and doesn’t know how to diet. I let him know how-” Elijah pauses, glances towards Cody’s hands, and then runs his fingers over his ribcage. </p><p>Cody feels a pang of guilt, even though he knows he didn’t do it.</p><p>“-How strong you are. And he’d appreciate some pointers. So I called him over. Tonight.”</p><p>“Tonight? I have diving practice tonight!” Cody says. “Can we do it tomorrow?”</p><p>Something flickers in Elijah’s eyes. Cody’s brain feels like he hit the wrong button in a video game and the game over screen was flashing over and over again, taunting him. </p><p>“I used to work around your diving schedule. Work around my fucking dinner arrangement one time, Cody.”</p><p>Cody feels hot shame crawl over his skin. “I- I’m not sure I can- as the junior captain I really gotta be there unless I’m injured or someone’s dying and-”</p><p>Elijah picks up his bowl of Noodles and drops it to the floor wordlessly. Cody jumps. </p><p>
  <em> No, no, no.  </em>
</p><p>“Okay-Elijah, okay, I’ll make it work, I swear-just don’t”</p><p>“No Cody, you’re right. You’re right, you’re right. You can’t <em> possibly </em> miss it. Unless you got injured. Or someone almost died.”</p><p>He pauses, and paces around the kitchen table. </p><p>“Elijah-”</p><p>“Your roommate’s name, Kelsey right? She’s with that girl, Aleena. She goes to my gym, did you know that Cody?”</p><p>Cody feels sick. This is what he didn’t want to happen. He should have just said yes. He feels like he can’t breath. Tears prick up in his eyes but Elijah ignores them. </p><p>“I hope nothing happens to them. Aleena lives alone right now, did you know that?”</p><p>Cody is sobbing now. </p><p>“No, Elijah please, don’t hurt them,” he chokes out. He’s ready to drop to his hands and knees. </p><p>“I didn’t say I was going to, stop putting words in my mouth. I don’t hit women,” Elijah says, before stepping closer towards Cody. </p><p>“You act so much like one, I almost feel bad having to teach you Cody. Having to teach you to be better,” Elijah enunciates his words, and it makes him sound dangerous. </p><p>Cody knows it’s best to just take it. Maybe Elijah will be gentler if he’s not as angry. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” he says. </p><p>Elijah shakes his head again. </p><p>He grabs the front of Cody’s shirt suddenly, fisting it to get a grip before hoisting him up in the air. </p><p>Cody struggles, trying to push him off. </p><p>“Elijah, please. No, don’t do this,” he begs. </p><p>Elijah throws him towards the couch with strength Cody didn’t know he possessed, and his head misses the coffee table by just a couple of inches. </p><p>He sees Elijah walk towards him and he crawls backwards, trying to get to a wall. </p><p>“Stand up,” Elijah commands, and Cody does so in record time.</p><p> </p><p>“Elijah, I’m sorry, please, I won’t go,” he repeats, but his words fall on deaf ears. </p><p>Elijah’s in front of him now, and he swings at Cody’s chest. He kicks at him a couple of times. Cody begs him to stop but he doesn’t listen. He slams Cody against the wall again, and he falls to the floor.</p><p>He places his foot on Cody’s ribs, applying a dangerous amount of pressure. </p><p>This is <em> terrifying. </em>Elijah won’t talk, won’t say anything, just keeps swinging.</p><p>“Elijah, you’ll kill me, please,” Cody tries again, his whole body trembling. Elijah ignores him, and Cody thinks he’s going to die. </p><p>
  <em> Holy shit.  </em>
</p><p>Cody prays. He prays for something, someone, anything to save him. He waits for the sound of his ribs giving out. </p><p>He thinks of Kelsey finding his dead body.</p><p>Elijah’s phone goes off. </p><p>He breathes in deeply as Elijah picks up the phone, taking his leg away from Cody. Cody leets out an animalistic noise, in joy or in pain, he’s not sure. But he’s so thankful he’s alive. Cody scrambles to his feet, and runs to the kitchen, occupying himself with a broom to clean the spaghetti and ceramic shards that covered the kitchen floor, hoping Elijah forgets about all this after the phone call.</p><p>“Hello? Noel, yeah. Yeah. It’s all good, come to Cody’s tonight. You got his address? Awesome. See you. Yes, I’m fine. Thanks. Bye.”</p><p>Cody avoids eye contact as he sweeps. Elijah sits down casually.</p><p>“Can I get your phone babe? I just wanna resend the address to Noel,” he says sweetly, and Cody swallows hard before motioning towards the coffee table where his phone was. </p><p>Elijah uses it silently for a couple of seconds, and Cody continues to sweep, even though he thinks he’s got all the sharp bits. </p><p>“What the fuck, Cody,” Elijah snarls suddenly. “You <em> are </em>cheating on me, you bastard.”</p><p>Cody holds the broom in front of him with shaking hands as Elijah comes closer again. </p><p>“No-I’m not, Elijah, no, I’m not,” he stammers. </p><p>Elijah shoves his phone in his face, opening his chat with Noel. </p><p>“What the fuck is this then? You’re sleeping with <em> Noel? </em> My fucking best friend? You <em> whore, </em>Cody,” he spits, before slapping Cody harder than he ever has. He shoves the phone closer into Cody’s face.</p><p>Cody tries to read the messages through his tears. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Cody: hey. This is Cody. I think you already have my address  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Unknown number: yeah I got it thanks </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Cody: ok see you </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Noel has been added to contacts  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Cody doesn’t know how to explain this. He can’t tell Elijah Noel confronted him or Noel will have his head on a platter, if he’s even half as strong as Elijah is. He can’t exactly phone a friend right now to get bailed out of the situation. He can’t not tell Elijah or Elijah will kill him, he’s proven to be capable he can do so. He’s fucked either way. </p><p>Elijah looks rabid. Cody feels bile rise up in his stomach. </p><p>
  <em> Fuck it. I would rather die later. And maybe Noel will take pity on me.  </em>
</p><p>He takes in a deep breath. </p><p>“Elijah, Noel confronted me about our relationship a while ago. Just to make sure I was treating you right,” he starts, but Elijah calms down faster than he expected. </p><p>“Of course, that was a stupid conclusion to draw,” Elijah mutters. </p><p>“I’d never cheat on you. I love you,” Cody says softly. </p><p>Elijah scoffs. “Not you. Noel. He wouldn’t do that to me.”</p><p>Cody feels upset his boyfriend thinks so little of his loyalty. He winces as he finally reaches down to sweep what's left of the spaghetti and ceramic into the garbage.</p><p>“Have dinner ready by six. I don’t think you can attend practice tomorrow, you’re injured,” Elijah says crudely, a smirk playing on his lips. </p><p>Cody forces a laugh, but it sounds more like he’s sobbing.</p><p>“C’mon babe, it was funny,” Elijah calls to him as he exits Cody’s apartment. The door swings shut.</p><p>He leaves Cody crying on the kitchen floor, so confused as to where it went wrong. </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Noel stares himself in the mirror. He was going to Cody’s house. Cody, who abused Elijah. Elijah, who worked so hard to get out of their shitty neighborhood where they lived surrounded by broken homes and people who couldn’t afford their dreams. </p><p>Elijah, who wanted to buy his father a house one day, put the first dollar he found on the ground into a piggy bank to do it. </p><p>His heart hurts for him. </p><p>Elijah’s mother cheated on his father, and then left them. </p><p>Elijah’s father was a cold and stern man, very distant. But he’d always been supportive of Elijah and their endeavours. </p><p>He didn’t agree with Elijah’s father’s views, especially in regards to women, and he doesn’t think he was particularly fond of Noel, but it was Elijah’s family so he tolerated it. </p><p>He hears a car aggressively honking outside and he runs down to the entrance. Elijah is beaming. </p><p>“Hey Noel, long time no see,” Elijah says once they’re in the car. </p><p>“Yeah, it’s been years,” Noel says back. </p><p>It’s silent for a minute. </p><p>“Are you going to leave him today?” Noel blurts out. </p><p>“What? No, Noel. Probably next week. He’s been less aggressive but I can take it.”</p><p>“Elijah, I’m going to start midterm calling during your dates with him. I’m scared for you dude.”</p><p>“Don’t be,” Elijah says. “It’s okay, it’ll work out.”</p><p>“No, what if it doesn’t? What if it’s a Maria situation?”</p><p>The air in the car feels thick. </p><p>Maria was a girl in their seventh grade class who invited them to her birthday party. Her father was extremely drunk that day, and then him and her mother started fighting, and Noel had to call the police and explain to them what was going on. </p><p>He hasn’t slept for weeks afterwards. What’s worse is that Maria’s mother and father stayed together, and they acted coldly whenever he saw them in the supermarket. </p><p>Maria’s mother passed away their senior year. </p><p>“It’s not a Maria situation. It’s nowhere close,” Elijah starts. </p><p>“He’s hitting you. You won’t leave. It’s a Maria situation,” he argues back. “You gotta leave him. You gotta leave him tonight or I’m calling the police. I’m fucking serious Elijah. You can come live with me. I don’t care. Just leave him.”</p><p>“Okay. Okay fine. I’ll leave him tonight. Just stand outside the door for when I do it.”</p><p>The rest of the car ride is silent. </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Cody looks horrible when he opens the door. His eyes are bloodshot red, he’s shaking visibly. He’s in sweatpants and a sweatshirt. He looks incredibly small. </p><p>“Hi babe,” Elijah says through gritted teeth. </p><p>“I missed you.” He kisses Cody on the cheek. </p><p>“Fuck, forgot my phone in the car,” Noel says, ignoring Cody completely. </p><p>He walks off.</p><p>“ I can’t take your shit right now. Stop dressing and acting like a victim, or I’ll show you what it means to actually be a victim,” Elijah growls at him, and Cody knows the stakes are up but he’s so tired. </p><p>When Noel gets back, Cody tries to smile at him, but Noel looks at him coldly. He hates him again, Cody knows it. It’s because he’s a shitty boyfriend. </p><p>Elijah told Noel how he’d been behaving, and even Noel thought he was the worst. He’s never cared what he had to say before, but after talking to him, he seemed like such a smart and well adjusted dude. Cody guesses if even if he hates him he really is the worst. </p><p>“I made tofu,” he says smiling, trying his best to play his role. </p><p>“I was telling you about that last time.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Noel says. </p><p>
  <em> This is a stupid fucking idea. Google exists. Why does there have to be a fucking Kiki every time he goes through a life change? Cody’s tofu recipe probably came from Buzzfeed Tasty. He could probably pull it up right now. </em>
</p><p>He tunes out during dinner. Cody tries to play nice with him, but he knows better. </p><p>When Elijah steps out to smoke, Noel can’t help himself. </p><p>Cody’s washing dishes, trying not to seem too tense. He feels a body behind him and turns to see Noel.</p><p>“Hey dude, everything is okay?” He asks. He hopes he hasn’t messed it up. </p><p>“Fuck you Cody. You’re a real piece of shit. I’d beat your ass myself but Elijah’s a bigger person than I am. I hope you rot in hell,” he spits angrily. It’s not the most coherent of speeches but it gets the job done.</p><p>Cody looks crestfallen but he sadly nods. </p><p>“I get it. Sorry. I’ll be better.”</p><p>This makes Noel <em> furious.  </em></p><p>He fists Cody’s shirt and pulls him closer, and Cody cries out in pain, the fabric feels aggressive against his bruised skin. </p><p>“Don’t you dare fake being in pain. I saw what you did to Elijah. You don’t deserve anyone,” Noel seeths at him. </p><p>This is Cody’s tipping point. </p><p>
  <em> Elijah was right. He wasn’t lying. You’re the worst. You’re the worst and everyone knows it.  They’re going to kill you. </em>
</p><p>Cody’s an inch away from begging for his life, pride forgotten.</p><p>Footsteps echo from outside the hall and Noel lets go of Cody, whose eyes are still pressed shut as he leans against the stovetop. Noel feels guilt pool in his stomach but remembers what Cody did to Elijah and it vanishes. </p><p>“Hey Noel, ready to go?” Elijah asks. </p><p>“Yeah. Thanks Cody. For dinner. Elijah wants to talk to you,” he smiles sarcastically at Cody, before walking out the door. </p><p>“Bye,” Cody croaks out. </p><p>
  <em> Holy shit. They are going to kill me. They’re going to kill me and load my body into their car. It’s a two man job. I’m going to die. </em>
</p><p>Elijah shuts the door so it’s just them in the apartment. </p><p>He looks solemn but also a bit angry. </p><p>“Cody, we need to talk.”</p><p>Cody feels the terror course through his veins, vision hazy. He tries his best to remain upright, pressed against a wall, but his knees buckle.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i have become so spoilt with the comments I literally sit there refreshing my page like the glutton I am<br/>thought I'd humble myself by getting chapter 5 out also i really have to start rereading my shit before i post it i apologize for typos in the previous chapters I've went back and fixed them I just cannot wait to publish stuff sometimes<br/>ANYWAYS I WON'T HOLD U HOSTAGE ANY LONGER GO ENJOY CHAPTER 5</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Elijah flicks his lighter. So okay, he didn’t mean to get this far at all.</p><p>Originally, Cody was supposed to just be a rebound. He likes Noel. He’s always liked Noel, but Noel never notices. He thought he would realize when he saw Elijah with another man. Spoiler alert: He doesn’t care.</p><p>So he made him care.</p><p>It’s nice, for Noel to give a fuck like he did in high school. Since they got out into college, he doesn’t pay him the same kind of careful attention. But ever since he confided in him about the Cody situation, Noel has been on high alert for him the way he used to be. Is it selfish? Maybe so. Elijah doesn’t care.</p><p>
  <em> I know we’re the best with only each other. Nobody can love him the way I do.  </em>
</p><p>Noel doesn’t know what’s good for him sometimes. Neither does Cody.</p><p>He didn’t anticipate Cody being smart to be honest; he just picked the cutest gay frat guy he could find (not that there are many options. At least speaking from outside the closet); an anti-Noel. </p><p>He knows it gets under Noel’s skin because he’s everything he tells Noel he hates. Probably never worked a day in his life, has his parents paying for his college tuition without expecting he has to pay it back, just has a trust fund. </p><p>The original plan was to have Noel profess his love, beg for Elijah to leave Cody, and then they could happily fuck off to like, Portland where Elijah would attend law school and Noel would start working. But Cody was ruining it <em> all. </em></p><p>He’d been cool about it at first. Then he starts asking too many questions. About where Elijah’s going, what he’s doing. The easy way out would be to just break up with him, but Cody’s always one step ahead of him. Always knows what to do and what to say to make Elijah feel guilty for even thinking about it. Baked him cookies, says he loves him. Always has the upperhand, until he didn’t.</p><p>He didn’t mean for it to happen, but Elijah’s always been great at convincing people what they need. He didn’t even go that hard on Cody, but Cody is so pliant, chooses to just lay there and take it.</p><p>He can’t say it didn’t feed his ego just a little bit. Noel and Cody, both fighting to keep Elijah. He can’t say he didn’t enjoy how territorial Noel got.</p><p>He flicks his lighter again absentmindedly. He didn’t even feel like smoking, just wanted to see what Noel would do to Cody if he stepped away.</p><p>He doesn’t know where to work from the breakup to be honest, he thought Noel would confess by now. He kind of likes having Cody around though.</p><p>He kind of wants a moment where Noel proves he loves him as much as Elijah does though. If he fought someone for him. Like if he swept in when Cody was yelling at him and saved him. </p><p>It is too risky, he tells himself.</p><p>Elijah hates not getting his way though. He sighs and heads back up to Cody’s flat, taking his hat off his head and tucking it in the internal pocket of his windbreaker.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>-</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>So when Noel says he was going to wait in the car for Elijah, he was lying. Something wasn’t right. He’d had that gut feeling for a while now, but he’d kept pushing it to the back of his mind. He hadn’t really been in the right frame of mind a week ago, to really think about this, and he felt guilty for thinking about it when he did, but he couldn’t ignore it any longer.</p><p>It didn’t make sense.</p><p>Didn’t make sense that Cody would put on this big show of being anxious and scared if he really was as strong as Elijah said he was. It didn’t make sense that even as Elijah left, Cody, who Noel has been very verbal about not liking, continued to act so meek. Cody, who is smart, who knows Noel will take Elijah’s side in any situation, who possibly thinks that Noel and Elijah are hooking up behind his back, has no motive to try and convince Noel he’s a good guy.</p><p>
  <em> Why’d he react like that? </em>
</p><p>Here’s the thing, Noel knows Elijah.</p><p>He knows Elijah had a bit of a crush on him earlier, but he did his best to sort of brush it under the rug and discourage that behaviour. It would be weird. They grew up together. He also knows Elijah has a bit of a mean streak, and gets a bit aggressive when he doesn’t get his way. Noel does his best to not acknowledge it in hopes it goes away, but it’s there.</p><p>The other thing is, Elijah doesn’t know he knows these things. Noel is a lot more observant than he gives himself credit for, which is partially a self conscious thing but it’s also a bit of a superpower, because he gets to play the chill dude while knowing exactly the fuck what’s going on.</p><p>He also knows though, that abusers have a knack for being charming, which is how they get away with it. And Cody is charming as hell, when he’s not bouncing off the walls with anxiety.</p><p>But Noel knows. Noel knows Cody didn’t develop that anxiety until him and Elijah got together.</p><p>Elijah is hiding something in regards to the relationship. He’s not telling him something, because he thinks Noel will change his mind about what’s happening if he tells him. Noel feels a bit hurt honestly, because he’d back up Elijah to the ends of the Earth if it comes down to it.</p><p>He leans against the door, trying to hear what’s going on inside. </p><p>“Don’t make this harder than it needs to be,” he hears Elijah tell him.</p><p>He can’t hear what Cody is saying. </p><p>He stands there for another few minutes, but he can’t make anything out of the conversation. </p><p>He leaves to go sit in the car.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Elijah wants to break up. </p><p>Cody can barely believe his ears. He should feel happy, elated even, but he just feels a bit empty. He’s also scared.</p><p>“Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”</p><p>Cody wants to live so badly, and he opens his mouth to scream, but Elijah puts a finger to his lips, presumably motioning for Cody to be quiet. He complies immediately.</p><p>They stand there in silence, Elijah looks bored, and Cody struggles to maintain his grip on the stovetop so he doesn’t fall over. His legs have given up, the clock ticking in the background, and Cody feels the nausea in his bones.</p><p>Finally, after several minutes, Elijah speaks, voice hushed.</p><p>“We gotta break up Cody.”</p><p>Cody feels relief wash over him. He’s not going to die.</p><p>The terror slowly flushes out of his system. <em> That was stupid. Thinking they’d kill you. Risking everything in their future potentially.  </em></p><p>Elijah motions for him to continue being quiet.</p><p>“It’s not safe for you and me to be together publicly. I told Noel what you did when I was crying,” he says and Cody feels guilty again.</p><p>“He says I gotta break up with you or he’ll kill you,” Elijah adds, tone too casual for Cody’s liking at this point.</p><p>
  <em> Nope. Not an irrational fear. Nevermind.  </em>
</p><p>“But we should still be together. Because I still love you.”</p><p>“I love you too, Elijah,” Cody says it automatically.</p><p>“You’d risk your life to be with me baby?” Elijah says and Cody hates the word baby with a burning passion at this point and he also hates how casual the idea of him dying is becoming in his day to day life.</p><p>“Yeah,” Cody knows it’s the right thing to say because Elijah <em> beams. </em></p><p>“Do your ribs hurt, baby?” Elijah asks, eyebrows twisted up in concern. </p><p>Cody doesn’t know what the right answer is in this situation, but Elijah smiles at him encouragingly. Cody nods, and Elijah walks to the freezer and pulls out an ice pack. </p><p>“Ice it, and try not to move around too much. I know you might have to miss diving because of this for a week or two. But your season’s over right? You’re just going to practice now so it won’t matter?”</p><p>Cody nods again. Elijah sighs.</p><p>“I gotta go Cody, Noel will worry. I love you.”</p><p>Cody can’t say it back, but Elijah doesn’t punish him for it as he walks out the door.</p><p> </p><p>Noel stares at Elijah expectantly as he enters the car.</p><p>“Did he create a fuss?” He asks, and Elijah nods sadly.</p><p>“He broke three plates when I told him,” Elijah says. “Threw it against the wall.”</p><p>Noel is about to be angry, but an inkling of something else pokes at his brain, refusing to leave him alone until he thinks it.</p><p>
  <em> I didn’t hear a plate break. </em>
</p><p>He feels that conflicted feeling settle into his chest. Now, Elijah could be lying, but there’s no reason for him to do that.</p><p>He half listens to Elijah describe what goes on for two more minutes before he lets himself think it.</p><p><em> I need to check, </em>he thinks it without even realizing what’s happening. </p><p>
  <em> Jesus Christ Noel, that’s your best friend. You’re insinuating you think he’s lying about the details of his abuse. </em>
</p><p>Noel knows he won’t forgive himself if he doesn’t fact check this. He hates himself for thinking it, even thinking about thinking it, but an uneasiness has settled into the air.</p><p>“Elijah, I forgot my hat in there.”</p><p>Elijah frowns. “I can get it-”</p><p>“No, it’s not safe,” Noel says. “I’ll get it. He doesn’t know, right? That I know?”</p><p>Elijah shakes his head. </p><p>“Okay. I’ll go get it. Then we don’t have to see him ever again.”</p><p>“My hero,” Elijah jokes, and Noel kicks himself again for thinking it, but Elijah seems so far removed from the situation today, moreso excited about what’s going on. <em> People cope in different ways, </em>he scolds himself as he walks up the steps of Cody’s flat one more time.</p><p>Cody opens the door just a crack. He swallows hard.</p><p><em> Be cool, be fucking cool, </em>he tells himself.</p><p>“I left my hat here,” Noel says. Can I check?”</p><p>Cody does not think letting Noel in is a good idea at all. </p><p>“Um, where’d you leave it?” Cody still doesn’t open the door all the way.</p><p><em> Elijah was right, holy shit, he’s not letting me in because he doesn’t want me to see the ceramic on the floor, </em>he thinks, and he wants to leave but his gut is screaming at him to check just in case.</p><p><em> When did I get so paranoid about nothing? Jesus, </em>he thinks to himself. </p><p>“Can I look?” Noel asks, ignoring his question.</p><p>Cody is in emergency mode. He knows if he says no, Noel could power in and fight him anyways. Or he could have just left his hat here. </p><p>He swings open the door and steps aside, letting Noel look into the whole area.</p><p>Noel’s heart sinks.</p><p>
  <em> There are no broken dishes. They’re all there, neatly on the drying rack.The floor is clean. The walls are undented. Unless Cody cleans at the speed of light… </em>
</p><p>He thinks it. He thinks it and he hates it.</p><p>
  <em> Elijah is lying. </em>
</p><p>“Y’know what man, I might have left it somewhere else, bye,” he tells Cody, before trying to catch his eyes. Cody stares straight at the floor.</p><p>“Okay, hope you find it,” he says, smiling the same smile from last week when he lied to him.</p><p>“Thanks,” Noel says before he leaves.</p><p>Elijah talks the whole way home but Noel doesn’t hear a thing.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Noel passes out when he gets home, but wakes up ready to think about what he’s been dreading. </p><p>Noel pieces together what he does know. He knows Elijah is lying. He knows that the bruises on his ribs came from somewhere though. He doesn’t know anything about Cody except that he’s grown increasingly anxious, especially in the past few weeks.</p><p>He doesn’t want to think about what he can conclude from this information. There has to be a logical explanation. <em> Why would Elijah lie? </em></p><p>He can’t think of a reason.</p><p>So he works; sends out 14 emails following up on internship opportunities for the summer. Grabbing his water bottle and duffle bag, he heads towards the gym across from the street. </p><p>He wonders how he’d got here, what exactly compelled him to reach the conclusion he did. </p><p>
  <em> Maybe Cody is a really fast cleaner?  </em>
</p><p>It doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make sense in the slightest. He feels frustrated, in his own head when he bumps into a girl right outside the gym entrance.</p><p>He apologizes, holding the door open for her before he recognizes her as the introduction to sparring instructor.</p><p>“No problem,” she says, smiling at him. “Noel right? Elijah’s friend?”</p><p>“Yeah, I don’t believe we’ve talked? Aleena is it?” He asks.</p><p>She brushes the wispy pieces of her hair that have fallen out of her ponytail behind her ears. “Yep, nice to meet you properly. Elijah told me about you,” she says. They make small talk as they put on their sneakers and strap on their gloves. </p><p>“You teach the introduction to sparring?” He asks her, struggling with the left velcro.</p><p>“Stalker,” she says, grinning. “But yeah. Elijah came to help me out for my class last week. Let me show them some stuff on him, which was nice. I think I might’ve actually hurt him though, even though he says I didn’t.”</p><p>Noel blinks once.</p><p>Blinks another few times.<br/>
Tries to wake up.</p><p>“Oh, I’m sure he’s fine. Where do you think you hurt him?” Noel asks, trying his best to keep his tone casual.</p><p>“I think his ribs, but he says it was cool because he’s trying to break into actual fighting anyways and needs to get used to it. Which honestly I think was just him trying to make me feel better but...Why? Is he okay?” Aleena looks concerned.</p><p>Noel tries his best to keep the pieces from connecting right here, right now, where he is a public safety hazard but they do anyways. They confirm what he didn’t want to know.</p><p>
  <em> Elijah is lying. </em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey lol wasn't gonna update today but writing makes dopamine in my brain so enjoy &lt;3 probably won't update for a few days after this though. love u guys, u spoil me in the comments for real i read them every night before i sleep because i am a psycho.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kelsey and Cody sit on the couch, Love Island playing in the background while they mess around on their phones. </p><p>“I got you something,” Kelsey says, interrupting the peaceful silence. “Because like, term end, and I’m gonna miss being roommates,” she says.</p><p>Cody feels something soft in his heart.</p><p>“Awe, Kels, you didn’t have to, we still got like, four weeks left,” he says, and he tries his best to stop his eyes from watering but they do anyways because he’s just so grateful for her.</p><p>“Are you crying?” she asks, laughing, walking to her bedroom to retrieve a package wrapped in brown paper. She returns and sits down on the couch right beside him.</p><p>“No, eyes are just sweaty,” Cody protests as he takes the package into his lap.</p><p>“Just rip it apart,” Kelsey says, and Cody obliges.</p><p>It’s a royal blue crewneck, with little flowers embroidered around the neck. Four Mars bars fall out of the inside of it to the floor as he holds it up.</p><p>“It’s so nice, thank you,” Cody says sincerely.</p><p>“Try it on!” Kelsey punches his arm enthusiastically. Cody winces, but without thinking, takes off his shirt. He realizes a split second too late, that he can’t do that here, because Kelsey gasps.</p><p>“Cody, what the fuck happened to your ribs?” she gasps, running her fingers over the damaged skin.</p><p>Cody surprises himself with how quickly and smoothly he lies.</p><p>“Oh, new cupping therapy thing for diving. We tried it during the off season just in case there were any issues,” he says. </p><p>“Jesus, was it worth it?” Kelsey asks, still looking very concerned.</p><p>“Not really. Doesn’t help that I did obliques shit that day either,” he continues.</p><p>He hates lying to Kelsey, but he knows she’ll try and confront Elijah, and he doesn’t know how Elijah will react.</p><p>“But I’ll be fine, I told the coach I’m just taking the rest of the practice sessions off. Because like, I can’t go,” he continues.</p><p>“Doesn’t the rest of the team have this problem too?” She asks.<br/>
<em> Fuck.  </em></p><p>“I was the only one who tried it that day.”</p><p>Kelsey nods, fingers absentmindedly tracing over the bruises again. Cody does his best to not wince.</p><p>He bends over and grabs two of the Mars Bars, handing one to Kelsey.</p><p>“No more diet, so, let’s go wild!” he says as enthusiastically as he can, pulling his shirt back on.</p><p>Kelsey grins at him. “Alright.”</p><p>They talk some more, Kelsey tells him she’s going to visit family in West Virginia over the first few weeks of summer, and how the new apartment she’s moving into is like a minute away from Aleena’s gym, so she might start working there as a pilates instructor.</p><p>“There’s also like, a professional fight happening there, in a month. It’s just a showcase event, but it looks super interesting. Aleena wants to go so we’re going.”</p><p>“Oh really? Who’s fighting?” He asks like he’ll have something more to contribute to the conversation once he has this information..</p><p>“That guy you hate, Elijah’s friend. Noel is.”</p><p>Cody tries his best not to look nervous at the mention of Noel’s name, tries not to visualize his hands squeezing his throat till he turns blue.</p><p>
  <em> Jesus. That’s morbid. </em>
</p><p>“Is he any good?” He asks, trying to appear disinterested.</p><p>“He’s <em> nasty </em>,” Kelsey says. “People stop what they’re doing and watch him when he trains. I saw him last time I dropped Aleena off.”</p><p>Cody nods. “Very cool.”</p><p>He tries not to think about how close Noel’s hands were to him, how they gripped his shirt and how he could’ve chosen to just end Cody right then and there. </p><p>“How are you and Elijah?” Kelsey asks. “I haven’t seen him for the past four days here.”</p><p>“Oh um, we’re good. He’s just busy, finalizing stuff for his internship right now and I’ve got interviews next week so we’ve just been calling when we’re free.”</p><p>Technically, this is true. This all is happening. He just left out the part where they broke up.</p><p>Or, “broke up.”</p><p>
  <em> The hell is this, middle school? </em>
</p><p>“Yeah, feel for you dude. I almost drowned when I had to apply for mine last year, thank god I don’t have to this year. But hey, halfway done college, right?” Kelsey says.</p><p>“Ugh, don’t remind me that I have to function in the real world,” he grumbles.</p><p>“Just millennial things,” Kelsey teases and Cody throws a couch cushion at her.</p><p>She laughs, and he laughs, and Cody basks in the moment. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Elijah calls him twenty four minutes after he gets home from his last interview.</p><p>“Hey babe, how’d it go?” He asks cheerfully.</p><p>“I think they went okay,” Cody says, and he smiles into the camera.</p><p>
  <em> I miss him. </em>
</p><p>Cody knows that their relationship has ups and downs, but they’re still together for a reason.</p><p>“Cody, come over,” Elijah says. “We only have so long until we have to do secret long distance. I wanna see you.”</p><p>Cody hesitates. He’s been avoiding that because he knows if he runs into Noel, there will be problems. But how would Noel know where Cody is at any given moment?</p><p>Also the risk of Elijah getting upset if he doesn’t go is 100%, whereas the Noel risk runs under that.</p><p>“Okay,” he says. He smiles.</p><p>“Bye baby,” Elijah tells him before hanging up. </p><p>Cody changes out of his dress shirt and pulls on a short sleeved white T-shirt, pairs it with a hoodie and jeans.</p><p>Honestly, Cody is tired. He wants to sleep today off. He did three interviews, and they all went pretty well, so he feels like he deserves a break. He knows that’s selfish though, especially because Elijah has been waiting to see him.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Noel feels like the past week has been a blur. He just trains, eats tofu and spinach, does homework, trains, and sleeps occasionally. Elijah texts him but he doesn’t respond properly.</p><p><em> Elijah lied. </em> It feels more concrete now, as opposed to a concept.</p><p>He feels like he’s on the Truman show. He waits for the audience to laugh, for someone to come out and say it was all a prank, to wake up and realize none of this actually happened and it was just some crazy figment of his imagination. </p><p>He wants to call Elijah and figure out what the hell is going on, demand an answer and get one that preserves their friendship. But he knows he won’t get the truth.</p><p>He feels hurt.</p><p>Why would Elijah lie about Cody abusing him? Does Cody actually abuse him, and did Elijah just lie about the bruises because he felt like Noel wouldn’t believe him? But Noel believed him before he showed him the bruises so that doesn’t make sense. Abuse does things to people’s mental states, Noel knows, but Elijah also lied about the plates.</p><p>Noel is honestly at a loss for words. He’s been going in the same circles for weeks. </p><p>His phone dings.</p><p> </p><p>Elijah: noel cody is coming over</p><p>Elijah: noel </p><p>Elijah: he’s going to hurt me :(</p><p> </p><p>Noel scrambles out of bed, grabbing his keys and bus pass. Fuck. </p><p>Regardless of whether Elijah lied or not about the bruising and the plates, he’s in danger now. </p><p>The bus will get him there in twenty two minutes.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Cody gets to Elijah’s house in eighteen minutes. He’s got cinnamon buns in hand, just his way of saying sorry for not being available more. He feels like he should be more excited but he’s not. He tries to smile as he knocks on the door.</p><p>Elijah opens it and grins at him. He lets Cody inside.</p><p>Cody knows something is wrong.</p><p>“What happened Elijah?”</p><p>Elijah acts clueless for a second. “What do you mean? Everything is fine.”</p><p>He locks the door.</p><p>Cody feels it again. In his stomach, in his brain, in his heart. </p><p>Elijah sighs, seeing Cody’s facial expression. </p><p>“Noel is coming over. He knows you’re here,” Elijah admits.</p><p>Cody’s eyes widen, he feels his hands start to shake. <em> What the fuck, why? </em></p><p>“You gotta hide me. You gotta let me leave before he gets here.”</p><p>Elijah shakes his head. Cody stares at him in shock.</p><p>“Elijah, you said he’d kill me if he saw me here,” Cody says shakily, trying to make sense of what was going on.</p><p>“He won’t kill you, don’t be ridiculous, I was just trying to scare you with that. He might rough you up a little though, but it’s nothing you can’t handle,” Elijah speaks so nonchalantly and Cody wants to scream and slap him silly but he knows better.</p><p>“Why?” Cody whispers.</p><p>He thought Elijah wanted to be with him. This made no sense.</p><p>“Because Cody,” Elijah whispers back, grinning again. “Because Noel loves me back. And I just need to be sure.”</p><p>This gives Cody zero fucking clarity of the situation but the doorbell rings so he looks at Elijah, who’s walking towards the door, looks at his bedroom, and sprinted down and locks the door.</p><p>His heart is pounding in his chest. He doesn’t know where to go. He doesn’t know what to expect.</p><p>
  <em> Okay, Elijah likes Noel, cool. Ouch, but cool. Honestly, not the worst thing that’s happened today. I think right now is the worst thing that’s happened today. Why the fuck am I here? What do I have to do with this? </em>
</p><p>He hears Noel enter. He tries to listen to what Elijah and Noel are saying but he can’t really hear too well.</p><p>“Where the fuck is he? Are you okay?” Noel asks Elijah, hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“He’s in my bedroom. I’m sorry for calling you. I’m just so scared, you’re the only one who can help me,” Elijah whimpers and Noel tries to assess this information with the things he already knows.</p><p>Cody sits inside the closet, trying to hide himself in Elijah’s sweatshirts.</p><p>“Elijah, I gotta talk to you dude,” Noel says.</p><p>“Can we do it after?” Elijah asks. </p><p>He’s sort of dissatisfied with the lack of passion on Noel’s part but it’s whatever at this point.</p><p>“I spoke to Aleena last week,” Noel says.</p><p>Elijah’s eyes flicker with panic for a second. “What are you talking about? What does that have to do with me?”</p><p>“Your ribs. Tell the truth,” Noel grows angrier and angrier, because if this means what he thinks it does there will be some problems.</p><p>“Noel, let’s talk about this later when there’s not a maniac in my house,” Elijah whisper-shouts.</p><p>“No. Let’s do this now. We got the cops on speed dial and there’s fuckin’ two of us, we’re both fighters. Elijah, who the fuck is Cody? Is he actually your boyfriend? Is he your plug and do you owe him money? Talk to me man, why did you lie I don’t know what you’re involved in and I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me! Why’d you lie about the broken dishes? What else did you-”</p><p>“I fucking love you, okay Noel!” Elijah says it before he can help himself.</p><p>Noel is silent for a moment. </p><p>“Okay, so what does that have to do with Cody?”</p><p>Elijah is growing very angry. “He’s my abusive boyfriend, who you need to stop-”</p><p>“Elijah you have two inches on him and YEARS of fighting experience under your belt. Why the fuck did you call me here?” Noel is yelling again, and Elijah’s blood boils.</p><p>“Are you blaming me Noel?” Elijah asks, voice soft and eyes dewy all of a sudden.</p><p>“I mean, I thought it was my fault, that’s what Cody said but-”</p><p>“I don’t think Cody’s abusive at all. I think you’re making it up,” Noel says it before he even thinks it. His stomach lurched, his heart screams in pain at this new conclusion he’s drawn without its permission.</p><p>“Wh- Noel!” Elijah gasps.</p><p>But it makes sense. The pieces in Noel’s brain rearrange. Cody’s anxious because Elijah’s been feeding his brain some bullshit. Cody’s anxious Elijah is cheating. And their relationship isn’t abusive at all. Elijah’s been playing mind games again.</p><p>Elijah’s been playing mind games so Noel comes over. So Noel comes over and…</p><p>“Did you think this could make me love you?” Noel says it so quietly, Elijah almost misses it.</p><p>Silence.</p><p>Finally, Elijah sobs, nodding his head furiously. </p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry Noel. Cody’s not even here right now,” He says, wrapping his arms around Noel’s shoulders.</p><p>“I just, I just wanted to know that you loved me. That you cared about me. Even if it isn’t the same way-”</p><p>“Holy fucking shit Elijah, I threatened Cody at his apartment. What the hell is wrong with you?”</p><p>“I just needed to know, Noel. I’m sorry. It’s just been hard...my mom died,” Elijah gasps out between tears.<br/>
“My mom died, and I-I’ve just been spiralling and-”</p><p>Noel wants to commit a war crime right now. He was right.</p><p>He was right and it sucked.</p><p>None of this provided any clarity, but he decided to play along. There could be a perfectly decent explanation for this. He’s gotta apologize to Cody. Elijah’s gotta apologize to Cody.</p><p>He feels like a piece of shit, but he’s gotta make this right, let Cody know he knows he doesn’t think what Elijah said was right.</p><p>Cody probably never wants to see his face again. He can still see him, terrified, pressed up against the oven, eyes closed. Noel’s heart twists in pain.</p><p>Noel rubs a hand soothingly down Elijah’s back.</p><p>“Shh..It’s okay, it’ll be okay. We’ll deal with everything else later,” He says. He says some other sweet nothings, and he’s pissed, and he’s confused, and he feels lied to and manipulated, but he can’t leave Elijah like this.</p><p>They stay there like that for a while. Elijah asks to be alone afterwards.</p><p>“I’m really sorry Noel, I’ll make it up to you. I know this was a shitty thing to lie about, but I just- I needed you and I didn’t know what to do.”</p><p>“Well next time just call,” Noel says, wiping a tear off his cheek.</p><p>Elijah laughs.</p><p>“Bye Noel,” Elijah whispers to him as he leaves. “Even if you don’t love me, I love you.”</p><p>“You’re emotional right now, we’ll talk later,” Noel says, trying his best to force a smile.</p><p>When Elijah shuts the door, that gut feeling that something is wrong stays. He probably just feels lied to, and sick, and tired. He heads home.</p><p>Elijah waits till he can’t see Noel through the peephole. He watches to make sure he crosses the street and gets on the bus.</p><p><em> It was too ambitious, Noel won’t play your games. </em>He’s angry at himself.</p><p>“Cody, get the <em> fuck </em>out here,” he roars, marching towards his bedroom. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>here's a joke:<br/>how do you make a plumber sad?</p><p>you kill his entire family.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>YOU GUYS ARE SO SWEET AND I APPRECIATE YOU ALL TELLING ME TO TAKE A BREAK ESPECIALLY IF I FEEL LIKE I'LL BURN OUT but don't stress this story is the only thing keeping me sane pLUS i've been wanting to write it for a while so it genuinely makes me happy to write :)<br/>i also know some other writers don't like seeing people ask for fast updates which i totally understand b/c it feels kinda pressurizing but i don't mind it when people ask so don't feel guilty :) as long as you're not being rude (which honestly hasn't been a problem at all) it's all good enjoy the chapter!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Noel gets on the bus and puts his headphones in. He opens up Google, and notices his fingers trembling. He tries to take square breaths, calm himself down. That gut feeling that something was wrong remains, despite the new information.</p><p>First off, Cody wasn’t abusive. Second off, Elijah was emotionally manipulative, and used Cody. Third off, he lied about these things to get Noel’s attention, and then lied to get Noel to come to his apartment. </p><p>It doesn’t make sense still. What did he think would happen when Noel opened up his bedroom door...</p><p>
  <em> Who the fuck was in Elijah’s bedroom? </em>
</p><p>His heart stops beating. He forgot about that.</p><p><em> No way. </em> No fucking way. If Cody was actually in there, did Elijah actually think Cody would just take one for the team and get beat up for the sake of it?</p><p>For the sake of Elijah being happy? With another dude? When they were dating?</p><p>
  <em> Unless Elijah threatened him. </em>
</p><p>No way. Elijah sucked ass sometimes, but this behaviour is straight up abusive. And there’s also way too many risks on his part. It’s also out of character.</p><p><em> Then again, lying about abuse is also out of Elijah’s character, </em>the voice in his head reminds him.</p><p>He feels sick. He feels delusional. He gets off the bus anyways in the stop in front of Cody’s flat. He sprints up to his floor, he swallows hard, and prays.</p><p>
  <em> God, Cody, please be there. </em>
</p><p>He knocks on the flat door three times, and Kelsey opens the door. There’s tap water running in the background.</p><p>
  <em> Okay, he could be asleep. Or at the tap right now! Because it’s running. It’s fine. Calm down. </em>
</p><p>“Hey Noel, what’re you doing here at this hour?” She asks, raising her eyebrows.</p><p><em> It’s like nine o’clock, </em>he wants to say but he bites his tongue because now is not the time to see if Kelsey can take a joke.</p><p>The tap water stops.</p><p>“Is that Noel? Hi Noel!” Another voice calls out from the apartment. Aleena pokes her head out from behind Kelsey.</p><p>“Hey guys, is Cody here?”</p><p>“Uh, no, he had interviews today and then went to Elijah’s, had a date thingy. Why?”</p><p>Noel feels the familiar sense of doom settle into his bones. He feels himself tense up, feels himself start shaking.</p><p>“Hey, you okay?” Aleena speaks again, and both Kelsey and Aleena look very concerned.</p><p>“Do either of you have a car?” He asks. “Can I borrow it? I’ll get it back to you tomorrow morning, promise.”</p><p>Aleena and Kelsey look at each other.</p><p>“I have one, but I need it to get home. Can I drop you off anywhere?” Aleena asks, wiping her hands on the back of her sweatshirt.</p><p>“Elijah’s place. I have the address. Like right now. Need to go,” he manages to spit out, and Aleena puts on her shoes. </p><p>“Alright, got you. You shouldn’t be driving if you’re panicking like this anyways,” she says.</p><p>Noel has no shame right now. He’d rather be an idiot than…</p><p>He doesn’t think about it. </p><p>“Sorry. To interrupt your thing. I’ll make it up to you. I just can’t explain it right now,” he says, gesturing towards the living room. “It’s...It’s just urgent. Like I need to go. And then you can leave. You don’t have to stay.”</p><p>Kelsey hands Aleena her keys.</p><p>“No worries, it’s only like a five minute drive anyways. Let’s go.”</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Cody can’t feel his body.</p><p> He’s lying on Elijah’s bedroom floor, trying not to breathe too hard. His lungs hurt, His arms hurt, his back hurts. He can’t see out of his left eye and it hurts when he tries to make any sort of facial expression.</p><p>Elijah is furious, to say the least.</p><p>Apparently his thing with Noel didn’t work out. He freaked out, got very aggressive with Cody, kept saying it was a close call. Honestly, Cody doesn’t know what’s going on but he’s glad he’s alive, his cheek pressing into the cold floor the only clear sensation in his body.</p><p>“I can rework this,” Elijah says, pacing the space next to Cody’s head, his footsteps heavy and too close for comfort but he’s not really in a position to be making demands. </p><p>“I can say I was scared of you. I can-” </p><p>The doorbell rings and Elijah leaves to answer it. </p><p>“Stay put,” he tells Cody. </p><p><em> Well, I don’t really have a choice in that, </em>he thinks bitterly. </p><p>He hears the door open and Noel’s voice for the second time. Noel is yelling, and Elijah is trying to get him to calm down.</p><p>“Where the fuck is he, Elijah?”</p><p>His blood runs cold. He’s finally come for him.</p><p>Cody still doesn’t know what the fuck is going on, but he knows he’s gotta get out of here. </p><p>
  <em> This can’t be it. There’s got to be a way out.  </em>
</p><p>He hoists himself onto his elbows, trying to make as little noise as possible. The window was only a few feet away, and there’s a chance he could survive the fall. There was no way in hell he could take on Noel, not in this state. </p><p>Elijah only lives on the second floor. If he jumped, and then flagged down somebody walking on the street, he could make it.</p><p>Dragging himself across the floor with one arm, he winced as his foot hit the leg of the bed. He’s almost there to the window…</p><p>The yelling gets louder and something breaks in the kitchen. Cody does his best to not think about it, does his best to grab the edge of the windowpane, but he can’t reach.</p><p><em> I’m really going to die because I’m five eight and a half instead of five nine, huh, </em>he thinks. It’s kind of funny. If he wasn’t fighting for his life.</p><p>The door creaks open.</p><p><em> Fuck </em>Cody thinks, closing his eyes, turning away from the window and pressing his back against the wall so he can try to reason with Noel and Elijah. Or maybe grovel. He doesn’t know, he doesn’t care. His head is pounding, he doubts he’ll be conscious for it.</p><p>
  <em> When they kill him.  </em>
</p><p>He opens his eyes. There’s just one person in the doorway. It’s Noel.</p><p>He tries his best to open his bad eye too, to look at him properly. He’s standing there, looking shocked at Elijah’s <em> handiwork </em>. </p><p>Noel steps closer towards him.</p><p>“No, no Noel please, don’t hurt me, please,” it slips out of his mouth before he can stop it.</p><p>He tries to gain control of his breathing again, doing his best to blink away the tears as Noel’s eyes scan over his body. He steps towards him again.</p><p>Cody feels like he can’t breathe. There’s nothing he can do but beg some more. He knows he looks pathetic (he feels pathetic) but just maybe Noel will take pity on him and let him walk away. </p><p>He’s stepping closer and closer to him now.</p><p>Cody tries not to scream, holds his arm out in front of himself in defence.</p><p>“Please,” he manages to gasp out for a second time. “Please don’t hurt me.”</p><p>Nothing happens. Noel is standing four feet away from him.</p><p>“Please Noel, I know you don’t like me but please, I don’t want to die, please don’t hurt me.”</p><p>He continues to plead over and over again, hoping that it works. Noel still looks angry with him.</p><p>Cody’s will to live has never been stronger than right now. He’s gotta make it, he’s gotta. He’s shaking violently. </p><p>“Please Noel, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, just please don’t hurt me, just tell me what I did, I won't do it again, just please, it hurts so bad, please, I don’t even know what I did. Just tell me and I won’t, I’m sorry,” he’s sobbing now, rambling, and it’s painful to cry. The tears feel hot and full of shame rolling down his cheeks.</p><p>“Hey, I-” Noel doesn’t know what to say. He’s entered a state of shock.</p><p>
  <em> Cody, injured, Elijah out there, Cody, hurt, Elijah, Elijah hurt Cody. </em>
</p><p>The words lock into place.</p><p>
  <em> Elijah hurt Cody. </em>
</p><p>“Calm down- Calm down Cody, I won’t hurt you,” Noel tries, he holds his hands up as he comes closer but Cody, startled by the sudden movement slumps towards the floor, eyes rolling back.</p><p>Jesus Fucking Christ. </p><p>Noel looks at him, shocked. He runs to the living room and sees Elijah just standing there, looking at the floor.</p><p>“Fuck, Elijah, what the hell did you do to him?” Noel yells, frustrated. </p><p>When Elijah doesn’t respond, he grabs his collar and shakes him. “Dude, what did you do? He passed out when he saw me, he’s all busted up!” He roars. </p><p>“Chill out Noel, he’ll be fine. He’s just a bit afraid of you,” Elijah says nervously, trying to push Noel off of him gently. </p><p>Elijah talks about Cody like he’s some untrained dog, not his boyfriend. Now that he thinks about it, he always kind of has. <em> How did he not see this coming? </em></p><p>He doesn’t have the time to spiral right now. </p><p>Noel drops him, and Elijah straightens out his shirt. He runs a hand through his hair, trying to organize his thoughts. </p><p>
  <em> Can’t afford to take Cody to the hospital, but I think I can treat him at home. As long as nothing is broken. Can’t take him to his home, Kelsey and Aleena if she’s still there will freak the fuck out. Can’t get on a bus either. Just need him to not freak out. Okay cool. I can do that.  </em>
</p><p>“Give me your car keys Elijah,” Noel says, trying his best to be level headed. </p><p>“But-”</p><p>“Now.”</p><p>Elijah obliges. He tries to tell Noel he’s sorry with his eyes but Noel doesn’t have time to deal with him. </p><p>He watches as Noel walks back into his room, checks Cody’s head, ribs, arms. Nothing seems broken, thank god. Okay, he’s been jumped before, he’s had similar injuries. This is treatable. There’s gauze and cotton at home. He tries as gently as he can, to shake Cody awake.</p><p>“Hey, Cody, please wake up.”</p><p>Cody lets out a groan, eyelids flickering, and he looks into Noel’s eyes and Noel feels like a piece of shit. He’s still whimpering, and his hands immediately clasp against each other. </p><p>“Noel, please Noel, don’t kill me,” he whispers. </p><p>He’s begging for his life. Noel wants to throw up. </p><p>“Hey, I’m-I’m not gonna kill you. I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to just-just, we gotta get you fixed up.”</p><p>His left eye is swollen, his lip is bleeding. He takes his thumb, tries to wipe away a crimson droplet trickling down Cody’s chin. He feels helpless. Cody flinches. </p><p>“God, Cody,” Noel whispers. He doesn’t know what else to say. </p><p>“Sorry,” Cody whispers back, not meeting his eyes, lip trembling. </p><p>Noel feels his heart crack down the middle. <em> The fuck did Elijah do to him? </em></p><p>“You don’t need to be sorry. I’m gonna pick you up, we’re gonna get you cleaned up at mine, okay?”</p><p>Cody swallows hard, but moves his head ever so slightly to indicate that that’s fine. He doesn’t get what’s going on, but there are very limited options as to how to proceed, and this seems to be the one with the least conflict.</p><p>
  <em> What if this is a trick? </em>
</p><p>His muscles tense as Noel tries to figure out how to pick him up. When Noel finally does, he motions for Elijah to follow him downstairs to his car. He has Elijah unlock the door, and straps Cody into the passenger seat. Cody can’t meet Elijah’s eyes.</p><p>
  <em> He’s going to be so mad at me. </em>
</p><p>Noel can’t deal with the cops right now, so he hands Cody a hat, tells him to please keep his face covered until they get to his place. </p><p>Cody listens immediately. Noel kind of wishes he had a stupid unnecessary comeback. </p><p>“Noel,” Elijah says, as Noel closes the passenger door and walks to the driver’s seat, ignoring him.</p><p>“Noel, I’m sorry-”</p><p>“Fuck off Elijah.”</p><p>“You said you’d do anything for me!” Elijah says, trying to look for a clue in Noel’s eyes that said he still cared.</p><p>“I’ll give you back your fucking car tomorrow. Have a good time in D.C. In fact, I think you should leave early. Or don’t. I don’t care. Don’t tell me,” he says, climbing into the driver’s seat.</p><p>“Noel-”</p><p>“The fuck did you want to happen, Elijah? You wanted me to beat up your boyfriend so we could ride off into the sunset together? Eat shit,” Noel spits, and Elijah’s eyes water.</p><p>“Can we just talk-”</p><p>Noel slams the door in his face, hits the gas and tries his best not to implode right then and there.</p><p>“Fine! He’s garbage in bed anyways. Take him Noel, take my sloppy fucking seconds! Enjoy-” Elijah’s voice fades out of hearing range as they drive. </p><p>Cody’s shaking next to him, peeking from under the hat, watching Noel’s hands and making sure they stay on the wheel the entire way. </p><p>“He knows-He knows where I live. Kelsey and Aleena are there,” Cody rasps. </p><p>“He won’t touch them, promise,” Noel says, voice void of any feeling.</p><p>“How do you know?”</p><p>There’s silence for a moment.</p><p>“Call Kelsey, or Aleena. Tell them not to open the door if Elijah’s there and to just call the police. I really doubt Elijah will though. He knows I got his car, and that I can drive over there and kick his ass if it comes down to it,” Noel says. “Aleena’s there though, I wouldn’t be worried. Elijah’s bad at hand to hand combat.”</p><p>Cody nods, and taps Kelsey’s name in his phone. </p><p>He tells Kelsey he’ll explain tomorrow, just to not open the door, not to let Aleena leave. </p><p>“You okay Cody?” Kelsey sounds worried.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s all good. Trust me. Nothing bad is gonna happen. It’s all going to be fine. We just- it’s gonna be fine.”</p><p> </p><p>When they get in front of Noel’s flat, he asks Cody if he’d like to walk or if he wants to be carried. </p><p>“I’ll-I’ll walk,” Cody whispers, and Noel barely hears him.</p><p>“You could- could take me home. I can fix myself up fine, you don’t have to do this,” Cody says softly.</p><p>Noel says nothing as he gets out of the car, slamming the door.</p><p>
  <em> He’s angry with you. </em>
</p><p> “Or not. Whatever’s comfortable for you. Sorry,” he speaks in a whisper as Noel opens his door.</p><p>He tries to hoist himself onto his good arm so he can stand but it doesn’t work and he falls into Noel.</p><p>“Sorry, sorry,” he says as loudly as he can, making sure Noel can hear him. Noel just puts his arm around Cody and hoists him up as gently as he can before picking him up the same way he did earlier. Cody habitually wraps his arm around his shoulders, clinging for dear life. </p><p>Cody would like to know if he knows what’s going on but Cody also doesn’t want to risk making Noel mad. </p><p>When they get in front of Noel’s flat, Noel sets him on the floor gently so he’s propped up against his leg. Cody hears a key turn, the door open, and feels Noel lift him up again. When he’s set down on the couch, he tries his best not to touch the fabric.</p><p>Noel locks the door. He looks like he’s barely holding it together.</p><p>
  <em> He’s Elijah’s best friend you idiot, what do you think he’s going to do once he gets over the fact you just look really injured? He’s going to be pissed. Pissed you put yourself in his way, ruined his friendship. </em>
</p><p>Cody does his best to not feel sick.</p><p>
  <em> It’s fine, it’s fine. If he wanted to hurt you he would’ve by now. </em>
</p><p>Noel brings a wet cloth, some gauze and a tube of something that looks fancy. He sits down next to him on the couch.</p><p>“Can I take off your shirt, Cody? Just to see the damage?” Noel speaks very quietly.</p><p>Cody nods, then winces because it makes him dizzy. Noel offers him a small smile, and Cody feels horrible for doing this to him. He smiles back as much as he can without straining his lip.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Noel says. “I’m sorry for-I don’t even know what to tell you, I just-” Noel doesn’t even know what Elijah told Cody, or what happened.</p><p>“We can talk tomorrow,” Noel continues. “You should rest tonight. Just,” he pauses, trying to read how Cody feels.</p><p>“You’re safe here. I’m not gonna do anything to you. I know that might not mean anything because we’ve kind of been at each other’s throats, but-”</p><p>“Thank you,” Cody whispers and he almost misses it, but it’s there.</p><p>Cody still looks terrified, but hopefully they can clear shit up when they’re in a more stable frame of mind.</p><p>Noel finishes cleaning off the marks on Cody’s back, trying his best not to think too much about it right now. <em> Skin shouldn’t be this colour, </em>he grimaces but he’s got to remain professional right now. He warns him it may sting. Cody tries his best not to flinch at how cold the ointment feels.</p><p>When Noel finishes, he offers Cody something to eat, but Cody declines. </p><p>“I’ll get you a shirt, stay here,” Noel says.</p><p>“Well, yeah,” Cody says it out loud without meaning to and he looks horrified for a second, before he hears Noel let out a short laugh. </p><p>“Wow, man’s got jokes,” he teases, and Cody can’t really tell if he’s angry or not so he just smiles the best he can again.</p><p>Noel carries him to bed, and lies down on the floor. Cody feels bad that Noel has to act as his personal mode of transport, but there really isn’t any other alternative at the moment.</p><p>“I’m gonna stay in the room, uh, just in case,” Noel says.</p><p>“I can take the floor,” Cody offers, and Noel snorts.</p><p>“Not in this economy, you can’t.”</p><p>It’s so stupid, makes no sense, but they both laugh at it. Cody winces, his ribs aching from the sudden movement. </p><p>“Don’t roll while you sleep,” Noel instructs him. “You’ll fuck up your ribs some more.”</p><p>Cody makes a noise of acknowledgement. He feels tired, it’s past his usual bedtime and he falls right asleep. He’s still confused, still doesn’t completely know how or what’s happening, if Noel was or is going to hurt him right now, but it isn’t like he can do anything about it.</p><p>Noel stares at the ceiling, trying not to think too hard.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi guys! took a few days break for finals stuff but i think it went really well!! shoutout to everyone that left comments - i feel like i'm brief in the replies but i reread every single one like eight times for motivation because i am fucking insane. hope you're doing well, enjoy the chapter :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> There’s a mandatory science elective he had to take. Noel, being the absolute genius that he is, forgot to register before the deadline, so he got put into whatever was available. Which was this.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s stupid enough they have to take a general Chemistry course with a lab and lecture to major in computer science. Noel chose computer science for this reason particularly over engineering; so he wouldn’t have to hear the word chemistry ever again. Computers don’t care about acids and bases. Computers care if you can fucking code. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> This class is tiny, there’s like 20 students, because it’s a computer science major only course. The other people he knows chose to take the environmental science elective which was marginally easier. He kicks himself again for not setting reminders and staying organized. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s even stupider that he’s gotten paired up with the dude Elijah’s talking to, Cody. You’d think that because they know each other, this would go relatively smoothly. Wrong. He hates Cody. Cody hates him too. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Cody seems to think he’s in love with Elijah and Noel is an asshole so he messes with him when he can. So okay, maybe he’d been a little cold to him when he came to pick Elijah up from their dorm for a date. And maybe, he started arguments when they didn’t need to be started. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But come on, look at him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Currently, Cody is trying to figure out what went wrong during their titration lab. “I don’t get it, why isn’t it turning purple?” </em>
</p><p><em> Noel groans.<br/></em> <em><br/></em> <em> “Are you sure your dumbass got the right acid? It was supposed to be purple like, forty milliliters ago.” </em></p><p>
  <em> “Yeah, I’m sure, I’m not an idiot-” Cody flails his arms, sending the glass test tube that they had set up flying. The lab goes silent, and Noel watches as it breaks into three neat little pieces. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Nice shot, Cody. Maybe you should take one of those and shove it up your-” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The TA walks over. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Sorry, Jen, I didn’t mean to, I’ll clean it up,” Cody says before she can react. He walks to where the brooms are. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Jen sighs and smiles at Noel.  </em>
</p><p><em> “How does he do it?” </em> <em><br/></em> <em> “Break something during every single lab? I wish I knew. Speaking of things I wish I knew…” </em></p><p>
  <em> He grins at her. She raises her eyebrows, unimpressed, but there’s still a ghost of a smile on her face so Noel hopes he can charm his way out of this one. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Noel, I can’t help you with the lab,” she says. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I know you can’t, but consider letting us know if you observe anything missing. Besides Cody’s motor control abilities past the age of nine.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She laughs and tells him to stop before her eyes scan over their work bench. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “What’s the issue?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “It’s not turning purple. And it should be,” Noel gestures towards the beaker holding clear acid. </em>
</p><p><em> “Did you put in the indicator?” </em> <em><br/></em> <em> Motherfucker.  </em></p><p>
  <em> Cody gets back from cleaning the bench, smiling sheepishly.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Sorry Jen, I got it cleaned up though.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Cody, did you put in the indicator?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Cody stops smiling. “I thought you were going to do that.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Jen laughs.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Have fun you two,” she calls as she makes her way to the front of the class to greet the professor, who’s just walked in. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “We gotta do it again now, dipshit,” Noel grumbles, wiping down the space. “If you could refrain from flapping your arms around like a toddler next time, I’d greatly appreciate it. I got training tonight and-” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Okay, don’t piss yourself, I got it. None of this would have happened if you remembered the indicator. It takes less than one brain cell to do so, but I guess that even that was a generous estimate,” Cody says back, rolling his eyes, nudging Noel with his elbow. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Woah, look at Dr. Kaleidoscope over here, with his numbers and shit,” Noel taunts, flicking Cody’s pencil down the side of the desk. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Cody sighs.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I can’t deal with you right now. I’ll finish the lab and send you the data. We can do the writeup later tomorrow in the library.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Are you for real? You expect me to trust you to finish this whole lab when you forgot the indicator? The whole point of the lab?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Cody aggressively grabs the sheet of paper to Noel’s left. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They get into this way too often, so when they work together for labs they make a list of who’s responsible for what so they know exactly who to blame when shit goes wrong. Cody points to Noel’s name in their chart of who’s responsible for what.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Read this, asshole.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Noel turns red when he sees the remember indicator written on his side. Cody looks smug. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’ve got an A in Chemistry. We’ll be fine, I’ll just send you the shit I need you to do, we’ll leave each other good peer reviews and leave it at that.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Noel would usually pick another fight in this situation, but he really needs the grade so he silently gets his things, making sure to step on Cody’s shoes while he leaves.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> - </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Noel wakes up at 9:47 am. He’s groggy and tired, and late for training until he remembers it’s Saturday. </p><p>Cody is here. He’s here because of Elijah. </p><p>He sits up, stretches his back, and looks over at the bed to find Cody not there. He feels panicked for a second until he hears something stirring in the kitchen. He peeks in to confirm he’s there before walking back into the bedroom. </p><p>He heads to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He’s still having difficulty processing his feelings from the night before and doesn’t fully understand what happened to be honest. He feels like he was on autopilot at one point; let his body do the work while his brain struggled to catch up to what was happening.</p><p>Cody leans up against the fridge directly parallel to the stove in Noel’s kitchen. He tries his best to control his breathing. Honestly, he’s kind of freaking out. </p><p>Noel is Elijah’s ride or die. Aside from this fact, Noel hates him. He’s well aware of the fact. It doesn’t make sense why he’d get so angry at Elijah roughing him up a little. </p><p>
  <em> He fights too. He’s training right now to beat some guy up. He could take on Cody in his current state, no problem. </em>
</p><p>The eggs crackle on the stove and Cody leans forward to check on them again. He hopes if he cooks breakfast, when Noel reaches some sort of clarity in his mind with what he wants to do with Cody, he’ll keep in mind that Cody was useful at the very least. </p><p>He can’t run. He can’t go home, face Kelsey and have her confront Elijah. He texted her, said he’d be home later that night. He doesn’t know what he’s going to tell her when he shows up with a black eye. </p><p>His upper arms and ribs in particular hurt a lot. It’s taking a lot out of him to stand. He takes the handle of the pan and shakes it to prevent the omelette from sticking. </p><p>Noel is happy to see that Cody’s gotten over some of his fear. </p><p>
  <em> I mean he has to have right? He’s making breakfast. I wouldn’t make myself breakfast at anyone’s house if I didn’t feel comfortable there. So this will be okay. </em>
</p><p>He doesn’t know who he’s trying to fool.</p><p>“Careful, don’t be too clumsy,” Noel’s voice teases, leaning on the doorframe to the kitchen with one elbow. </p><p>Cody immediately tenses when he hears Noel’s voice. </p><p>“I’m joking dude, don’t worry,” Noel adds when he notices. </p><p>
  <em> Never mind. I guess not.  </em>
</p><p>“Sorry Noel. I’ve made you breakfast. I know you have a fight and you have to eat healthy so I made you a Spanish omelette. If I’ve used anything I wasn’t supposed to I’ll pay you back, I swear,” Cody says, his voice small. </p><p>He moves out of the way to show Noel what he’s doing in the pan. </p><p>It smells great. Cody looks sickly.</p><p>“You didn’t have to do that. You’re in pain,” Noel says.</p><p>Cody shrinks himself down. Immediately, Noel is made aware that this is not the right thing to say right now.</p><p>“But thank you. I really appreciate it,” Noel adds. </p><p>
  <em> Fuck. This feels weird. Say something back Cody, call me stupid or some shit. </em>
</p><p>“It’s the least I could do,” Cody says. </p><p>
  <em> Okay. He’s not mad right now. This is cool.  </em>
</p><p>Cody motions for Noel to sit so he does. Cody puts the omelette on a plate, sprinkled salt over the top and places it in front of Noel. He stands to the side and clasps his hands like a waiter. Noel wants to flame his ass but the reminder that this behaviour had possibly been beaten into him makes him nauseous.</p><p>“Dude this is...this is huge. It’s too much for just me. Did you eat yet?” Noel asks. </p><p>Cody’s eyes go wide. </p><p>“I’m...I…” </p><p>He hasn’t. Noel might be upset that he hasn’t. But if he tells him he already ate, he might be upset Cody touched his food without permission. Elijah hated it when Cody touched his food without permission.</p><p>“I’m not hungry, no,” he says. </p><p>It feels like a good answer but Noel still frowns.</p><p>Noel kicks the chair across from him away from the table so Cody can sit. He doesn’t miss how Cody flinches. </p><p>
  <em> Okay, so maybe don’t do that. </em>
</p><p>“Come sit,” he says, standing up to get Cody a plate. </p><p>“I just wanna talk. About everything. And about what happened. If you’re comfortable,” Noel adds hastily. He doesn’t want to cross any boundaries but he needs to know.</p><p>Cody sits down wordlessly and looks around the connected living room. He’s never been to Noel’s before. </p><p>“I live alone,” Noel says as he loads half the omelette onto Cody’s plate. </p><p><em> If he kills you nobody would be here to stop him, </em> the voice in his head taunts him.</p><p>
  <em> He’s not going to kill me, if he wanted to he wouldn’t have let me let Kelsey and Aleena know where I was. And he wouldn’t have argued with Elijah. It’s fine. It’s going to be fine. </em>
</p><p>Noel seems to sense that there’s an inner conflict going on but he doesn’t say anything yet, just hands Cody a fork and a knife. He offers a smile. Cody does his best to smile back but the muscles in his face feel spazzy so he may have grimaced instead.</p><p>They eat in silence for a bit. Noel tries to think of what to say.</p><p>“Hey, I don’t know how much of yesterday you remember but, I’m just wondering what happened in your relationship with Elijah. If you’re comfortable sharing,” he says, and it sounds right because the muscles in Cody’s jaw relax a little.</p><p>“Um, what would you like to know, Noel?” Cody addresses him so properly it makes him sick. </p><p>“Just, everything. Has he hit you before? Did he do all of that to you? How long has this been going on?”</p><p>Cody swallows hard and Noel sees the gears turning. </p><p>“Uh, he just roughed me up a couple weeks ago. And a little bit since then, it’s never been like this before. It’s not that bad,” Cody tries to open his bad eye while saying so. </p><p>Noel moves his hands back and Cody flinches, putting his arms up in defence. </p><p>
  <em> I knew it. I knew it, I knew it.  </em>
</p><p>Nothing comes though. When he opens his eyes Noel is just stretching, eyes wide. Cody feels like garbage while he watches Noel very slowly bring his arms down, like he’s trying not to startle him. </p><p>“Cody. I meant it when I said I wasn’t going to hurt you. I’m not okay with what Elijah did.”</p><p>Cody’s still looking at him like he doesn’t believe him, but still too scared to call his bluff.</p><p>“I’m really sorry, Cody,” Noel says, swallowing hard. “I didn’t know he- I thought-” </p><p>He had all night to put his thoughts together but they still come out as a mess. How does he explain this without coming off crazy?</p><p>“Elijah told me you were hitting him. Even showed me his bruised ribs. That’s why I threatened you in your kitchen. Because I thought you did something to him. I thought you hit him. So I told him to leave you but I don’t get why he called you over yesterday when he called me over,” Noel explains, fidgeting with his fingers. </p><p>“Well, Elijah didn’t completely lie. The thing on his ribs was kind of my fault,” Cody says timidly. </p><p>Noel raises his eyebrows.</p><p>“I didn’t- I wasn’t the one that did it, but he said he did it because I was acting annoying about how he hit me,” Cody tries to speak quickly.</p><p>Noel swallows. </p><p>
  <em> Fuck. Elijah is a bad person. Like, super bad person. </em>
</p><p>“Annoying? Like what?”</p><p>“I told him it was abuse but he said that it’s just normal and I thought it was messed up at the time but I get it now. Because it was just one time then,” Cody speaks at a low volume, his fork drawing circles on his plate.</p><p>“No, even if it was just one time, that’s abuse,” Noel affirmed. </p><p>Cody looks unsure. </p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t have confronted you like that in the kitchen if it was-if I knew he was hitting you. I would’ve helped you, Cody.”</p><p>Cody feels like he’s a child being reprimanded for not doing his chores. He looks at the floor.</p><p>“Sorry,” he whispers.</p><p>“No, no I don’t mean it like that. I don’t mean you have to be sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being nasty to you, I just wish I could’ve helped you out earlier. But that’s not your problem. Well, it kind of is your problem, but it’s my problem to deal with,” Noel is rambling, and he feels like the kid at Maria’s house, on the phone with the operator who doesn’t understand what he’s trying to say again.</p><p>They finish eating in silence. Cody tries to stand to take their plates but Noel insists he sits. He washes the dishes, watching out of the corner of his eye to make sure Cody is still okay. He’s drying off the last one when he hears him speak.</p><p>“Noel, you’re not going to take me back to him right?”</p><p>He speaks softly, lips turning downwards as he glances at Noel quickly before diverting his gaze back to the floor. </p><p>“No. You don’t have to go back to him ever. If he tries to come near you, call me. I’ll stop him. In fact, if it makes you feel better…”</p><p>He pauses, trying to see how Cody’s reacting. His shoulders have become un-tightened, which is a good sign. The tension between his eyebrows has dissolved a little.</p><p>“Come live with me for a bit. Elijah won’t come here. And I can keep an eye on you. If you want. I’m here for the summer and we’ll probably be ending up taking internships close to each other.”</p><p>He doesn’t think Cody will take his offer. He doesn’t blame him. </p><p>Cody surprises even himself with what he asks next.</p><p>“How much is rent?”</p><p>Noel shakes his head.</p><p>“Don’t worry about that. It’s all covered by the gym. I bring in quite a bit of sponsorship money,” he grins.</p><p>Cody seems conflicted.<br/>“You don’t have to answer me right away,” Noel adds. </p><p>“But let me know in two weeks. They’re upgrading my apartment after my fight so it’ll be two bedrooms. But even if you don’t, I still have your back. With the Elijah thing. It’s messed up he did that to you. I don’t want to see him ever again, I don’t fuck with that. And it doesn’t have to end with him. We can be friends, we kind of were in first year before Elijah. I’m on your side, Cody.”</p><p>Cody smiles warily. </p><p>“Thank you Noel.”</p><p>He still looks cautious, but Noel thinks he believes him.</p><p>It feels like the first completely right thing he’s said all morning.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>when somebody said "read fanfiction" in the chat during noel's stream i almost lost my shit. absolutely not</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cody stands outside the door of his apartment. He swallows. Noel had dropped him off, said to give him a call if any problems came up. Cody originally wanted to go with him to drop off Elijah’s car to say goodbye, but he had to bite the bullet and tell Kelsey.</p><p>Plus, Noel said that it probably wouldn’t be a good idea for him to come. Cody didn’t want to upset him, even though the probability of that happening seems to drop lower and lower by the minute.</p><p>He doesn’t quite get it.</p><p>Cody made a monster out of Noel’s best friend. His boyfriend. At the very least he was expecting some form of verbal retribution. But Noel had been good to him. Let him cook him breakfast, let him sleep in his bed and wallow in his misery all day without question.</p><p>It was selfish of him to want to keep his company after that. He knows.</p><p>He probably offered for Cody to stay out of pity. But after he’d been so good to him, it was hard to not latch on for that support. He still had a price to pay, he understands that it will come. But Noel was so gentle, just maybe he wouldn’t have to pay in blood.</p><p>He lifts a shaky hand to the handle, and puts in the key. It turns by itself and Kelsey is there. She looks at him. He looks at her.</p><p>Her eyes widen in shock for a moment.</p><p>“Cody, what happened to your eye?” </p><p>He knows it is coming. He knows he has to explain everything to her. She’s probably exhausted, and he’s come over to their place hauling baggage they don’t need right now. She’s probably been busy, getting her stuff into boxes and moving it to Aleena’s. </p><p>When he doesn’t respond she ushers him in, takes his key out of the lock for him and sits him down on the sofa. There’s five shirts strewn over it haphazardly. He’s going to miss that, having to pick up whatever sweater she’s decided she no longer wants to wear off the floor. It felt like home. </p><p>Kelsey’s in the kitchen getting him a glass of water. His teeth are chattering uncomfortably. She hands it to him and he’s still shaking so hard he’s spilling drops of it onto his jeans.</p><p>“Cody, what-?”</p><p>He involuntarily flinches. She freezes, eyes concerned and soft now.</p><p>“Who did this to you?”</p><p>Cody swallows hard.</p><p>“Kels, just don’t-don’t freak out okay?”</p><p>She stares at him. He takes a breath.</p><p>“So, just, Elijah and I’s relationship has just been a bit rocky lately, and he just got a little upset with me last night so-”</p><p>Kelsey looks furious but she doesn’t say anything.</p><p>“He just got a little-little out of hand and he just kept going and I didn’t know what to do. But it’s okay because Noel got there and he stopped him. And then he took me to his apartment and I slept there.”</p><p>Kelsey puts a hand on his shoulder.</p><p>He feels himself sobbing, doesn’t quite understand how he got there so quickly. Kelsey’s running her hand down his back and he’s absolutely ruining the collar of her shirt. </p><p>“I just-I don’t know why he started hitting me, I did everything I was supposed to. I was good to him, I didn’t-”</p><p>Cody feels exceptionally vulnerable in a way that he hates. He feels like he could scream and cry, feels like he shouldn’t. He’s never had this kind of problem with managing his emotions.</p><p>“Hey, it’s not you. It’s him. You could’ve been the most perfect boyfriend ever but if he had abusive tendencies, he would’ve done it anyways. Because he’s a psycho. It’s not on you.”</p><p>It still feels wrong. It feels like a lie.</p><p>“I know you don’t believe me right now Cody. But you will one day. You didn’t deserve this.”</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Noel’s foot feels steady on the gas. His stomach has uncomfortable knots, loosening and tightening as he drives. </p><p>He’s going to have to take the bus back. Fuck.</p><p>Elijah, abusive. Elijah is abusive. Elijah was abusive. Elijah might continue to be abusive.</p><p>Elijah, the boy he played outside in the yard with. Elijah, the man who broke this cocky, all american frat-dude into a quivering mess in his bedroom, begging for his life.</p><p>Noel doesn’t know if he’s ever going to not feel disgusting every time he thinks about it.</p><p>Fuck, should he have called the police?</p><p>They didn’t do anything last time. But at least it would’ve been on record that Elijah hit Cody. He knows homophobia is still prevalent in the police force. Maybe somebody good would’ve come to the door and he could’ve let Cody sleep with the peace of mind Elijah couldn’t get to him. </p><p>Elijah, the guy who took notes for him in english literature class when he fell asleep on the desk.</p><p>He feels selfish for thinking about himself. He knows it is wrong. He’s not going to buddy up to him after that. But he can’t understand it fully. He tries to think like Elijah does; calculating and hyper aware of how to focus on what his opponent is feeling.</p><p>Elijah knew he didn’t like him back. So he tried to fake an abusive relationship. So when Noel swooped in and saved him or whatever, he’d feel guilty and bad for him. Noel would emotionally tend to him, and they’d fall in love?</p><p>It’s a stupid plan.</p><p>He pulls into the parking lot and presses Elijah’s name on his phone. He picks up after two rings.</p><p>“I’m downstairs. With your car. Come get it and your keys. I’m not waiting longer than four minutes.</p><p>Elijah’s down in two. His eyes are puffy and bloodshot. He looks like shit. He’s always been a bit of a dresser upper, but he’s in a white tee and grey sweatpants. When Noel doesn’t say anything he speaks.</p><p>“Noel, I really regret what I did.”</p><p>Silence hangs in the air.</p><p>“I just, I really needed to know. I needed to know you felt strongly about me too. I feel strongly about you.”</p><p>“When are you leaving?” Noel asks, voice void of feeling.</p><p>“Dammit Noel, how are you so okay right now? Do you fucking care? I beat up my boyfriend because I wanted you to care about me! But I guess you don’t, because you’ve said more to defend Cody than you have to ask me whether I’m okay! I would catch a case for you! I’d do anything to have you and you don’t even want me!” </p><p>Noel still doesn’t have anything to say to that. He sees Cody, the guy who gave him shit for liking sugary drinks at Starbucks, squaring his shoulders next to him to appear taller. He sees Cody’s eyes rolling to the back of his head in fear of him.</p><p>He can’t process this. He’s pulling from past databases, trying to piece shit together.</p><p>“When are you leaving Elijah?” he asks softer now. He needs to know so he knows how to keep Cody safe.</p><p>Elijah seems to have read his mind.</p><p>“Fucking relax. I’m not going anywhere near him. I don’t care like that. I did move my ticket up though. To three days from now. Not because you told me to, but because there’s nothing left for me here before school starts anyways.”</p><p>“Show me. Show me proof,” Noel says, crossing his arms over his chest, the keys dangling from his right index finger.</p><p>Elijah looks taken aback.</p><p>“You don’t trust me, Noel?”</p><p>Noel feels a growl escape his throat before he can stop it.</p><p>“How the fuck am I supposed to, Elijah?”</p><p>Elijah grins at him. Noel understands his game now. He wants Noel to be upset so he can flip the situation. He’s not playing.</p><p>“When you did that to <em> Cody? </em> How am I supposed to trust you when you hurt him like that?”</p><p>Elijah’s face contorts to an expression of confusion. Elijah is good at being manipulative, but Noel is even better at being a dick. He pulls out his phone, reluctantly shows him a confirmation email.</p><p>“If you’re not on that plane Elijah…” Noel trails off, trying to sound disinterested. “I’m going to have to pay you a visit.”</p><p>Elijah’s eyes darken.</p><p>“Or what? You gonna punish me?” He steps closer to Noel.</p><p>Noel laughs humorlessly. “I’ll get you put in prison. I’ll vouch for Cody in court.”</p><p>Elijah scoffs. “He doesn’t have the balls.”<br/>“Maybe. He’s got friends and a whole frat house to speak to his character though. He also does have the money. And you don’t.”</p><p>It’s a low blow, but Elijah finally steps back.<br/>“My dad was right about you,” he sneers.</p><p>Noel tosses the keys just a little too aggressively and they hit Elijah’s chest.</p><p>“What? Bad boys like me?” He raises an eyebrow. “Wrong side of the tracks, never love you right type of boys?”<br/>“Shut up Noel, take this seriously,” Elijah speaks through gritted teeth. </p><p>A car pulls into the parking lot aggressively. The window rolls down when it gets to Noel.</p><p>Aleena’s sitting in the driver’s seat. </p><p>“Hey Noel, coach has been trying to call you. Kelsey said she heard you were here so I’m here now. To get you. Because we gotta go.”</p><p>Her eyes flicker to Elijah but she doesn’t say anything.</p><p>Noel could never express how grateful he is that he doesn’t have to sit on public transit after this. He doesn’t say anything to Elijah as he climbs into the passenger seat.</p><p>Elijah doesn’t have anything to say either this time as they drive off.</p><p>“Kelsey called me, told me what happened. Coach doesn’t actually want you. Said that you’d need a lift,” Aleena tries.</p><p>Noel nods.</p><p>“I don’t mean to crowd you, but you okay dude? You’re obviously not, but I’m not sure how else to prompt you to speak to be honest.”</p><p>She looks genuinely worried for his health. He looks at her and smiles softly. </p><p>“Not really. This isn’t a situation I was anticipating going through anytime in my life.”</p><p>She nods, keeping here yes on the road now.</p><p>“It’s tough, can’t imagine. Seriously though, you did a really good thing. Most people don’t have the moral backbone that you do. You kept him safe, got him out of there in one piece by yourself. Don’t feel bad about missing Elijah. That was your best friend. You have to mourn the loss or you’ll just feel like garbage.”</p><p>The dashboard flashes 8:56 pm. Noel’s grateful for her the second time tonight. </p><p>“Yeah. It makes so much sense when you say it like that, I just, didn’t expect to see it. Didn’t think it was happening until I saw it. I feel shitty because it was right under my nose.”</p><p>Aleena thinks for a moment.</p><p>“He’s smart like that though. Got you in a situation where you knew he’d have you. But he didn’t. And you figured out the truth. It isn’t your fault for believing him.”</p><p>Noel feels substantially less in his head about this revelation. </p><p>It’s all still quite heavy, but it makes a lot more sense.</p><p>“You should consider being a therapist, you’re like, crazy fucking good,” Noel says, and Aleena laughs.</p><p>“Nah dude, couldn’t be me. I feel like I’d get so stressed out for everyone. But I appreciate it, thank you.”</p><p>She drops him by his flat and puts her number into his phone, and tells him to call if he needs a ride or anything at all.</p><p>“Same to you,” he says awkwardly.</p><p>“Yeah well, I’ll take you up on that. The new sparrers are giving me nothing to work with so I might have to drag you in to show them.”</p><p>They laugh and say goodbye.</p><p>He sits on the bed, watches the last twenty minutes of The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift.</p><p>He texts Cody before he goes to bed. </p><p> </p><p>Noel: hey</p><p> </p><p>Noel: hope you’re doing okay - let me know if you wanna talk or hang out or anything</p><p> </p><p>Noel: just wanna let you know it’s taken care of. </p><p> </p><p>Cody: I’m doing okay, thank you. Hope you’re doing okay too. Need some help packing tomorrow if you don’t mind</p><p> </p><p>Noel: I didn’t say I was gonna do your chores</p><p> </p><p>Noel: I’m joking I’ll come haha</p><p> </p><p>Cody: Thanks Noel :) Really thankful for you.</p><p> </p><p>It’s small but it’s a step towards everything turning out okay. It's enough for now.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you to everyone who left comments, means the world. sorry for the delay in updates! been working on some personal projects + wanted to get ahead with some school work. Also wanted to do this chapter and set the direction for the next little bit correctly, so I let myself marinate some different ideas for a bit. Hope you all enjoyed :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <em>They’re sitting at a bar, Elijah’s hand is on Cody’s thigh. Noel notices it and tries to control the urge to roll his eyes. They’ve just got together and they won’t stop touching each other. Elijah’s looking at him, smiling.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Noel does not want to be here, and he is making it his mission to make it obvious to everyone else present.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“So when you’re done eye-fucking,” he says, keeping his tone deadpan. “We should get drinks.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Uh yeah, sure,” Elijah says. “I gotta go to the bathroom real quick, don’t worry though, feel free to go ahead.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When Elijah leaves, Noel smiles wide at Cody, who flips him the bird.<br/>
“Hello to you too, Cody,” Noel snickers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Fuck off, Miller.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Noel doesn’t take too kindly to that, but he leans back and puts his hands up in mock surrender.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I bet Elijah will order for me before he orders for you,” Noel says before he can stop himself. He’s too petty for his own good sometimes, but Cody looks irritated so he thinks he’s done his job effectively.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sure he will.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Noel grins.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Glad we’re in agreement.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Elijah returns.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hey guys did you get anything yet?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Noel shakes his head. He just keeps smiling because it’s riling Cody up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Elijah looks confused, but doesn’t question it. He waves his hand to flag down the bartender.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We’ll take two Motor Oils and two large nachos, and Cody, what do you want babe?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Cody’s eyes go wide and Noel flicks his eyes over to him, still smiling.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yeah Cody, what do you want?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Cody wants to sock him in his smug ass face.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh, um, I’ll get a burger and a White Claw,” Cody says, trying to ignore how intensely Noel is looking at him. His face feels like it's on fire.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The bartender nods, before stepping away.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Noel finally looks away and gives Cody a deeply unnerving once over. Cody puts his arm around Elijah.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Cody’s eye has healed.</p><p>Thirteen days went by so quickly. Between packing and end of term submissions, he feels like he hasn’t had a moment to breathe. It’s been helpful, in terms of not freaking out too badly about everything. Noel’s been over every other day, saying he needs help with coding shit, but Cody knows he just feels guilty about what happened.</p><p>It’s been nice though, to have company, especially when Kelsey’s been so in and out of the house.</p><p>Honestly, they get along a lot better nowadays. Noel’s got good taste in music and the same type of humour as him. </p><p>
  <em> We could’ve been friends and avoided this whole debacle if you hadn’t been so possessive in the first place. </em>
</p><p>He tries to shake those thoughts. </p><p>He’s in the kitchen, cleaning the stove. Kelsey’s sweeping the living room, the sun casts light through the window. </p><p>He’s been thinking about it.</p><p>“I think I’m gonna live with Noel this summer. It just makes sense.”</p><p>Kelsey looks up at him and raises her eyebrows. Her expression is surprised.</p><p>“Huh.”</p><p>He feels anxious. “Why, do you think it’s a weird idea?”</p><p>Kelsey shakes her head.</p><p>“No, honestly I think it’ll be good for both of you. Plus it’s super close to where Aleena and I am, so we’ll be able to hang out a lot. Just so strange. Two week ago you couldn’t stand each other.”</p><p>She pauses.</p><p>“Don’t know if this is a reach, but it’s possible Elijah knew you two would get along well but drove a wedge between you both. To keep you isolated,” she says.</p><p>Cody thinks about it. It seems very plausible. A lot of their bickering stemmed from the fact Cody was scared Noel liked Elijah. Noel felt Cody was controlling Elijah. When Elijah was never in the equation, they got along pretty well.</p><p>“Huh.”</p><p>“Let’s not talk about him though. He can get hit by a bus in D.C. I will personally tend to it if need be.”</p><p>Cody snorts. He feels guilty for laughing about his ex dying.</p><p>He steers his thoughts towards his living situation.</p><p>Noel’s internship is literally down the street from Cody’s, like less than two minutes of a walk. And the bus stop by Noel’s apartment has a bus that could get them there in twenty minutes. If he went back to live with his parents, it would be a minimum forty-five minute commute. He also wanted to keep in shape once the bruising on his ribs cleared away, and he was probably more likely to hit the gym if he saw Noel going.</p><p>He’s gotta find a way to pay rent though - he’d feel too guilty about freeloading. The doorbell rings and Kelsey goes to answer it. He trails behind her.</p><p>Aleena and Noel are standing there. </p><p>They all exchange hellos. It’s really nice to have a small group of friends there all the time - Cody honestly can’t remember the last time he hung out with people without Elijah.</p><p>“Ready to go?” Aleena asks Kelsey, smiling at her. Kelsey grins, sitting down to put on her shoes. </p><p>Noel steps into the apartment, hands in his hoodie pockets. </p><p>“What are you two getting up to?” Aleena asks Cody.</p><p>Noel snorts. “You talk like an old suburban dad.”</p><p>“Yeah, no fair. That’s my thing,” Cody adds.</p><p>Everyone laughs.</p><p>“We’re just gonna play games for a bit. Finish packing,” Noel answers her for him. </p><p>Cody nods.</p><p>When Kelsey and Aleena leave, Cody locks the door. </p><p>“Would you like something to eat?” He asks Noel, making his way to the fridge.</p><p>“Nah dude, fight is in two weeks so I have to be conscious. On a meal plan and everything,” Noel says. </p><p>“Oh, how is that going?” Cody asks.</p><p>“Pretty okay. The guy I’m up against has fought twice before, won once lost once. Coach has been on my ass about this though, because there’s decent sponsors and prize money.”</p><p>Cody nods. </p><p>Noel sits down on the couch, groans as he stretches.</p><p>“Um, about your living situation for the summer,” Cody starts.</p><p>Noel looks at him. Cody feels incredibly stupid. </p><p>
  <em> He probably only asked you out of courtesy, you know this, we’ve been over this.  </em>
</p><p>“Nevermind,” Cody sputters out, but Noel motions for him to continue. </p><p>“I just-if you’re still looking for a roommate, then yeah, I’d be down. I know we’ve only properly been friends for two weeks- At least, I think we’re friends now? If you don’t, totally cool. But yeah, if you want a roommate, I can cook and get up early in the morning, if you want. Or if you don’t want me doing that I won’t-”</p><p>“Cody.”</p><p>Noel cuts him off, raising his eyebrows. The corners of his lips have quirked upwards slightly.</p><p>“You don’t have to show me your resume dude. It’s all good, just let me know when you want to come move in.”</p><p>“When?” Cody inquires, confused.</p><p>“Yeah, I already moved. The apartment is just down the hall of the one I’m in right now.”</p><p>Cody feels incredibly guilty. Noel’s been moving all of his own stuff, boxing, and helping him with his garbage too.<br/>
“Stop feeling bad about not helping me. Spock came over and we got it done in a couple hours,” Noel says as he props his legs up on the sofa.</p><p>Cody still feels guilty, unsure of what to do with himself. So he walks to the kitchen, fetches a glass of water for Noel.</p><p>“Thanks dude,” Noel says, shifting so Cody could comfortably sit on the sofa. He seats himself at an angle with one foot on the floor.</p><p>Noel wishes he could read Cody’s mind. He could usually guess what went on, but other times he really didn’ have a clue. </p><p>Cody’s relaxed sometimes, mainly when they’re in a group. They joke and laugh and banter comfortably. Alone went either way; he turned meek and guarded at the first sign of conflict. Which sucks, because he’s been doing his best to show Cody he’s not a threat.</p><p>
  <em> You can’t undo three months of manipulation and who knows how long of abuse in two weeks, dipshit. Elijah could’ve said anything about you. </em>
</p><p>He doesn’t want to talk about Elijah today though, and neither does Cody by the looks of it.</p><p>“How much is rent?” Cody breaks the silence.</p><p>“I couldn’t tell you man, I don’t pay it,” Noel says.</p><p>“I don’t want you to feel like you’re dealing with a freeloader,” Cody’s words are careful.</p><p>“Nah, don’t worry, I’ll just make you do all the housework as compensation,” Noel nudges Cody’s thigh with his foot.</p><p>Cody’s shoulders relax as he sees Noel smiling.</p><p>“Yeah well, at least one of us has to show some fucking responsibility,” Cody sits more comfortably now, taking both his feet onto the couch.</p><p>“Hey, I’m responsible,” Noel says. </p><p>Cody snorts in response, leaning forward to pull his laptop from the coffee table.</p><p>“TV’s all packed away, but we can watch something on here if you’d like.”</p><p>They scroll through a handful of titles, pausing to examine a few of them.</p><p>“Have you seen How to Make it in America?” Cody asks Noel.</p><p>“Nah, what’s that?”</p><p>Cody stares at him blankly.</p><p>“The greatest TV show ever! You gotta watch it,” he insists, clicking at the select button, and then selecting the pilot episode.</p><p>Noel moves closer, and Cody tries to balance the laptop on both of their thighs so they can see.</p><p>“Uncross your legs, so it won’t fall,” Noel says, scooting closer.</p><p>Cody does as he says, and he stretches out his arm, trying his best not to make it weird and touch Noel’s shoulders.</p><p>“You don’t mind do you?” Cody asks. “Just more comfortable.”</p><p>Noel grins. “What, you trying to make a move?”</p><p>Cody sighs. “You wish, dude.”</p><p>“Kinda gay,” Noel coughs.</p><p>“Didn’t ask you to tell me about yourself,” Cody says back.</p><p>His stomach lurched forward.</p><p>“I mean- not insinuating that you’re gay. If you are, that's cool. Not that you need my approval. Or that it’s any of my business, sorry,” he adds.</p><p>Noel notes that Cody covers every possible situation (some of them being such a reach) in which he could be wrong when he apologizes. </p><p>“Don’t be sorry, I started it. It’s all cool,” Noel says.</p><p>“And yeah, I’m kind of gay? I don’t really label myself,” he says it so casually.</p><p>Cody nods, tries to convey that he’s sorry about all of this.</p><p>Noel makes Cody feel safe, honestly. He wishes he’d stop making Noel feel like shit about what Elijah told him, but it was taking a lot more time than he originally anticipated.</p><p>The episode starts, and they watch in comfortable silence.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>He wakes up to the sound of a turning key, clinging to someone warm.</p><p>Disoriented, he looks up, hitting his head against Noel’s chin.</p><p>Noel’s eyes shoot open and he curses in surprise. Cody’s draped over him, head on his chest. One of his arms had found its way around Cody’s shoulders.</p><p>“Guess we fell asleep,” he breaks the silence first, shifting so Cody can get off him comfortably.</p><p>“Ugh, sorry. Was it that boring?” He asks unwrapping himself from around Noel. His cheeks heat up pink.</p><p>“Was what boring?” Kelsey asks, walking in with a paper bag in hand.</p><p>“We passed out because we did too much blow,” Cody says nonchalantly, arching his back to stretch.</p><p>Kelsey sticks up her middle finger at him.</p><p>Aleena trails in behind her. “Are you ready to leave, Noel?”<br/>
“Yeah mom, we had a really fun playdate,” he says, springing to his feet.</p><p>Aleena rolls her eyes. “I cannot stand either of you. Go back to hating each other.”</p><p>Cody laughs.</p><p>As he stands to say goodbye to everyone, he feels something warm blooming in his chest.</p><p>
  <em> It’s getting better. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>He stays up late, finishing the episode of How to Make it in America. Then he watches another, and another and another.</p><p>Kelsey’s fast asleep, tired from their rollerblading date. </p><p>Man, he thinks to himself. </p><p>
  <em>I wish Elijah took me on more creative dates. The bar and restaurant was always fun but I mean, look at Kelsey and Aleena. They have so much fun with it. Maybe that’s a lesbian thing though.</em>
</p><p>He always wanted to do things like go bowling or to escape rooms but Elijah argued that those were better as group outings, and they didn’t have common friends so it just never really happened.</p><p>Elijah.</p><p>He’s in D.C now, probably doing political science major things. </p><p>His phone dings. Speak of the devil and he shall appear. It’s from Elijah, just says hey.</p><p>Cody debates whether he should text back or not. It’s harmless right? He feels sick again.</p><p> </p><p>Cody: hi</p><p> </p><p>Elijah: sorry about noel</p><p> </p><p>Cody: oh why</p><p> </p><p>Elijah: he gets really aggressive about fights lol</p><p>Elijah: last time he almost knocked me out while we were sparring</p><p>Elijah: dude’s a monster </p><p>Elijah: don’t tell him i said that or that i texted you though </p><p>Elijah: he’ll kill me</p><p> </p><p>Cody doesn’t want Noel to kill Elijah.</p><p><br/>
Cody: I won’t</p><p> </p><p>Elijah: That’s what I liked about you Cody. You’re always so good, see the good in everyone.</p><p> </p><p>Elijah: Even Noel, and he’s a lot meaner than I am.</p><p> </p><p>Cody knows Elijah is trying to get under his skin, so he doesn’t respond, switches to surfing fail videos on his phone instead to distract himself. </p><p> </p><p>Elijah’s name pops up in the notification bar.</p><p> </p><p>Elijah: I’m just warning you Cody</p><p>Elijah: I’ve always warned you beforehand. And I know we’re through. But I saw Noel before I left, and he thinks you’re a bit of a little bitch</p><p>Elijah: just be careful. Love you.</p><p> </p><p>Cody: Thanks Elijah</p><p> </p><p>Cody wants to block his number, but his fingers are shaking too hard. Elijah’s messing with him, he knows he is.</p><p>He texts Noel. He’s probably asleep.</p><p> </p><p>Cody: Can I watch you train </p><p>Cody: just once</p><p>Cody: I’m curious about sparring</p><p> </p><p>The reply comes not even ten seconds later.</p><p><br/>
Noel: yeah sure, swing by the gym at 9 am tomorrow </p><p>Noel: [shared a location pin]</p><p> </p><p>He resumes his episode. He’s not sleeping tonight.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Just wanted to thank everyone for reading and being so sweet in the comments<br/>Seriously. From someone who had lost a lot of confidence in her storytelling abilities, you guys are heaven sent. Thank you for taking the time out of your days to read my stuff and leave such kind words.<br/>HAPPY CHAPTER 10!! Still got a long way to go tho<br/>let me know your thoughts so i can get that good old dopamine release when i see a notification</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Noel said to tell the desk person that he was with him. Cody wasn't sure what to wear because it’s just the gym but he also doesn’t want to stick out. But he also doesn’t want to look like a dork or a groupie. He'd settled on a hoodie and basketball shorts. That's casual right? </p><p>Does Noel have groupies? Some of the divers on his team do.</p><p>He’s kind of lost in his own thoughts as he pushes the door to go inside.</p><p>The receptionist glances up at him. </p><p>“I’m here for Noel,” He tells her, and she nods, letting him in. Cody feels very out of place. From the moment he walked in, it’s become clear to him that this gym isn’t like the place he trains at.</p><p>This is a<em> fighter’s </em> gym. There are punching bags hanging from the ceiling, and proper match rings set up in two of the corners.</p><p>The weight of it all sort of sinks in.</p><p>Noel is a fighter. Like, professional level. Just because he doesn’t do it with the university doesn’t mean it’s any less legitimate. If anything, it’s more impressive because he can’t really get the same leniency with his school work the way Cody does when an assignment gets put in the week of a competition.</p><p>It’s really admirable, actually. That Noel has the discipline and time management skills to juggle these things.</p><p>“Hey Cody, what’re you doing here?”</p><p>Aleena’s there, unravelling some green fabric from her fingers.</p><p>“Hey, I just came here to watch Noel,” he says, cheeks reddening in embarrassment. <em> Who the fuck comes to spectate a workout session? </em></p><p>Aleena doesn’t look surprised by this information though, and motions for him to follow. He ends up standing by a wall by a bag, beside two other guys and a girl. </p><p>Aleena walks in front of all three of them.</p><p>“Alright guys, today Miller is going to demonstrate some actual sparring with another person. He’s training for the match in two weeks so he’s really on top of it. I don’t expect you all to be at that level quite yet, obviously, but pay attention to his form.”</p><p>She continues on, says some things that make no sense to Cody at all.</p><p>Finally, Noel walks out on the floor, talking to some guy with dreadlocks and a cross earring. Noel laughs at something he says, eyes crinkling upwards and for a split second Cody feels something that resembles jealousy.</p><p>
  <em> Woah. Pause. </em>
</p><p>Noel meets his eyes, waves a gloved hand at him. Cody smiles back, still trying to process the previous emotions.</p><p>
  <em> Nah. It’s just that you’ve been spending so much time together. And you get possessive. Which you should probably work on. </em>
</p><p>When the earring guy starts motioning to Noel that they should start, something shifts inside the room. At least, it feels like that to Cody. </p><p>Noel raises his arms, and the earring guy holds up two padded hands. </p><p>The sound of leather hitting leather hangs in the air. Noel looks focused, slowly works himself to a rhythm. </p><p>His coach stops him after a bit, says something again while making a hooked motion with his arm. Noel nods and keeps going.</p><p>Elijah is a fucking liar, just as he suspected. Noel looks completely reachable, relaxed even, as he continues to hit the pads with ease. Aleena points something out about his footing to the people he’s standing with.</p><p>When Noel pauses for a water break, he walks over to Cody. </p><p>“Hey man, how’re you?” Noel asks, chest heaving up and down as he grins at Cody.</p><p>“Doing okay. You’re uh, you’re really good,” Cody manages to spit out, like a fucking idiot.</p><p>“Any reason in particular you wanted to come watch today?” Noel asks while rolling out his shoulders.</p><p>Cody thinks about telling him Elijah sent him a message but decides against it. He doesn’t want to deal with the added consequences when Elijah returns, or worry Noel so close to his fight.</p><p>“Just got curious. I watched a bunch of random videos on boxing last night after you left,” Cody lies with ease, and Noel seems to believe him.</p><p>
  <em> Of course he’s going to believe you. This is a stupid thing to lie about.  </em>
</p><p>“This is pretty much it for the session,” Noel says. “You’re welcome to stay, or I can give you the keys to our apartment if you want, and you can go check out the space. Aleena and I will pick you up afterwards so we can start moving your stuff.”</p><p>“That’s okay, I can wait until you’re done if you like,” Cody answers.</p><p>“No, it’s fine, I think you should-” Noel starts, but the earring coach dude walks over and slaps his arm around Noel’s shoulder.</p><p>“Who’s this?” He asks. “Haven’t seen you here before!” </p><p>Cody smiles politely. “Hi, I’m Cody, just came to support Noel for a bit. I’ll head out though if I’m in the way.”</p><p>The earring coach guy shakes Cody’s hand and introduces himself as Christian.<br/>
“You haven’t seen anything yet, stick around. Noel’s going to step into the ring in a bit.”</p><p>Noel’s eyes widened.<br/>
“Nah Christian, he’s moving in with me and hasn’t even seen the place yet, maybe some other time.”</p><p>Christian shakes his head no decidedly. </p><p>“He came out here to support you, give him a show.”</p><p>Noel looks at Cody and then looks back at Christian. </p><p>“Uh, I will later tonight. A <em>private</em> show, even,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows and Christian swings the pad at Noel’s head. </p><p>Cody feels his stomach do a summer sault.</p><p>“Don’t. That’s bad for your testosterone,” Christian responds seriously.</p><p>Noel’s eyebrows furrow.“No it’s not. Wouldn’t it be good for my testosterone?”</p><p>“Leens says it’s bad for testosterone.” He shouts for Aleena and she walks over.</p><p>“We aren’t even-” Cody starts but Noel shushes him.</p><p>“Cody. We have to go all the way for the bit.”</p><p>“Just for the bit? I thought it meant something to you, asshole,” Cody says, using his fingertips to gently shove Noel in the chest.</p><p>Noel grins again, and turns to Aleena.</p><p>“Is having sex bad for testosterone?” Noel poses the question before she’s even stopped walking.She rolls her eyes and wordlessly swivels a hundred and eighty degrees on her heel, turning her back to them and walking away.</p><p>“Boooo!” Christian calls at her. “But seriously Cody, stick around. The apartment won’t go anywhere.”</p><p>“Christian, can you just give us a second? I’ll be right there.” </p><p>Christian salutes him sarcastically before walking towards one of the rings.</p><p>“Do you not want me here?” Cody asks. “Because I can go if I’m getting in the way.”</p><p>“You’re not!” Noel reassures him. “I just get a bit intense in the ring. I don’t wanna freak you out. Because, you know.”</p><p>Cody understands where Noel is coming from. He feels ready to leave but the voice in his head stops him again.</p><p>
  <em> You gonna move in with him without seeing how much damage he could do to you if you pissed him off? When he himself and Elijah have said he’s an intense fighter? And if he thinks you’re a little bitch, this is the first step towards proving you aren’t. Even if you are, you can’t let him know. </em>
</p><p>He hesitates. Noel isn’t like that though. And Elijah’s lied before.</p><p>
  <em> What if he’s telling the truth this time? </em>
</p><p>“I think it’ll be fine. I’ll just leave if I get freaked out. But I won’t. I’m not a child,” Cody says, crossing his arms over his chest.</p><p>“No, I don’t mean it like that, I just,” Noel falters and this pisses Cody off.</p><p>“I’m not damaged goods or anything like that,” he harshly says in a hushed tone. “I can take watching you throw a few punches.”</p><p>Noel raises his hands in fake surrender.</p><p>“Alright man, just looking out for you.” </p><p>He looks Cody over one more time before stepping towards the ring and Cody feels like shit.</p><p>
  <em> Fuck. Why’d I do that? He is just looking out for me. </em>
</p><p>He’d apologize later. After he proved he wasn’t weak.</p><p>He regrets it almost immediately, as Noel starts swinging at Christian. They’re both wearing protective headgear and chestwear, but Noel is swinging like Christian personally wronged him. </p><p>Christian grunts in pain as Noel delivers a blow square in the chest. Cody feels himself tense up.</p><p>
  <em> That painful? Through the chest wear? </em>
</p><p>His mind wanders to dangerous places.</p><p>
  <em> You’re going to sleep in the same four walls as that dude.  </em>
</p><p>Noel lands another punch.</p><p>
  <em> You are not nearly as coordinated as he is. </em>
</p><p>He blocks Christian’s hand.</p><p>
  <em> All it would take is one fuck up on your behalf. </em>
</p><p>Christian falls over.</p><p>Cody doesn’t realize he looks anxious as hell until Noel’s in front of him, blocking everyone else from seeing his face. He’s breathing heavy, tossing his headgear to the side.</p><p>“You okay dude?”</p><p>Guilt. Noel warned him it wouldn’t be a good idea. He flinches when he feels a hand brush his shoulder.</p><p>“Yeah,” Cody manages to croak out. “Was cool.”</p><p>
  <em> Is this how it was going to be forever? He never had a problem with watching fights on TV before, or breaking up altercations in the frat house when they occasionally took place. </em>
</p><p>“Christian, we’re gonna head out and cut today short. Tell coach it won’t happen again, but our moving stuff has to be finished today.”</p><p>Christian throws them a thumbs up.</p><p>“Alright man. Bye. Bye Cody, come back whenever you want. Don’t think Noel’s been that vicious ever, you must be a good luck charm.”</p><p>Cody winces.</p><p>Noel knows Christian is just trying to be friendly, but <em> damn, </em>if he could shut the fuck up right about now it would be fantastic. Cody watches him pick up car keys from a box.</p><p>“Aleena’s, she said we could use her car for today,” he offers, and Cody just nods blankly.</p><p>When they get into the car, it is silent. Cody speaks first.</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>It’s the same small voice he uses when he thinks he’s pissed Noel off.</p><p>“For what?” Noel asks, starting up the engine.</p><p>“Just, giving you attitude. You were right,” Cody says, looking at Noel with wide eyes.</p><p>“Nah dude, I get it. I shouldn’t-” he pauses, thinking of what to say.</p><p>“You know what’s best for you. I’m not gonna dictate that. I just didn’t want to freak you out because live boxing is a little intense the first time for everyone. But I just- I’d never use those techniques on you. Or anyone outside the ring, you know?”</p><p>Cody nods again, deep in thought. They pull up outside the flat.</p><p>“I think I should start seeing a therapist, but I’m not sure,” Cody confesses.</p><p>“I mean, on one hand it’ll probably help, but I feel like it could also be something I worked through on my own if I wanted to. He wasn’t that bad, y’know? It could have been worse.”</p><p>Noel unclicks Cody’s seatbelt, then his own.</p><p>“Someone who drowns in seven feet of water is just as dead as someone else who drowned in thirty feet of water.”</p><p>Cody lets out a short laugh the same time he does.</p><p>“Jesus dude, I’m not dead,” he says. </p><p>Noel is glad to hear it.</p><p>“Nah, you’re not. You’re just like, struggling to swim in what you perceive as a lake. And you’re concerned about people drowning in the ocean. But you both still deserve help.”</p><p>He thinks it gets the point across because Cody’s smiling at him.</p><p>“Must be a shitty diver if I keep fucking drowning,” he deadpans, and they both laugh.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Moved in. </p><p>It is official, as they load the last of Cody’s fraternity paraphernalia into Aleena’s car.</p><p>“The fuck do you need an engraved paddle for?” Noel says.</p><p>“Spanking when we’ve been naughty,” Cody says absentmindedly, setting it into the trunk.</p><p>Noel snorts.</p><p>“You sad to move out?”</p><p>Cody shakes his head.</p><p>“Fuck no. The air conditioning in that place was ass. And I’ll still see Kelsey since we live so close so it doesn’t matter to me.”</p><p>Noel hums out a sound of acknowledgement.</p><p>“Goodbye shitty air conditioning,” he says.</p><p>Cody looks at the building one more time. Elijah tossed him around for the first time there. It feels like so long ago, even though it wasn’t. It feels good to leave that place behind.</p><p>It was once home, he thinks. It once was just some student rental that Kelsey and him thought they got for a steal, but were disappointed to learn that they in fact did have to suffer the inhumane temperature regulations. It was just some building where he was told he deserved to be taught a lesson. A couple of rooms that he bought without his parent’s money for the first time.</p><p>He feels sad about it. He’s happy he’s sad about it though.</p><p>Feeling some way about it is better than not feeling any way about it, he decides. </p><p>
  <em> That doesn’t make sense, dumbass. </em>
</p><p>He ignores the negging voice, decided to get into the car with Noel.</p><p>“Goodbye shitty air conditioning,” he agrees.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey guys - sorry for the delay, school is ROCKING my shit but I am here now. Interviewed for my DREAM SCHOOL yesterday, hoping for a win :)<br/>Hope you're all doing well, and thank you once again for the comments on the last chapter - seriously, you're all my life force. i am a WHORE for validation.<br/>Also, procrastin8r wrote me a fic which is so so nice?? it's the cutest go check it out whenever you can, the dialogue and character interactions are everything :)<br/>i really do use the notes section as a diary but i justify it to myself as my personal radio rebel moment except with fanfiction. don't know if that makes sense but if it resonates let me know.<br/>also fuck yeah christian pierce who caught it<br/>love u guys, see u soon mwah</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Life with Cody is oddly domestic, actually. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel thought they’d get into silly little arguments the way they always did when they had to do anything together. He’d actually be willing to put money on the fact Cody would lose his shit at Noel’s kitchen cleaning habits. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Strangely enough, they fall into a routine by day four. Cody gets up early and makes them breakfast, does the dishes while Noel wipes down the table. Noel even got him a little apron that says “your opinion wasn’t in the recipe” partly as a joke, but Cody still wears it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody’s a much better roommate than Elijah was in first year, honestly. They give each other space when they need it, but they spend a good amount of time in the shared space too. Cody doesn’t take it personally when he needs to clock out of a movie right as he finishes dinner because he has training together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel likes it when Cody scratches through things on the grocery list and suggests other things instead because they’re on sale and </span>
  <em>
    <span>cook the same once you put them in broth, actually. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It feels good. Like they’re a team. Makes Noel wonder why he chose to live alone this year. Maybe it is partially because he didn’t like living with Elijah and assumed if the one dude he’d been friends with forever couldn’t live with him, that it would be a better idea to just live on his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Honestly, he’s finding it very hard to think about what life looked like pre-him and Cody. What did he even do?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Get drunk with Elijah. Make fun of Cody for not getting drunk with him and Elijah. Go out with Spock if they happened to be free at the same time. Bitch about Cody and Elijah every chance he got.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Man, we could’ve skipped all this bullshit and been really good friends if Elijah wasn’t such a dick.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Elijah’s name still felt a little wrong to think about. Noel tries to repress the good memories, and feels ashamed when he does a good job. Elijah was one of his closest friends, and was now a stranger. He feels guilty for not calling him, trying to urge him into rehab or to turn himself in or something. He feels like he’s moved on from it all too quickly, and that it should hurt a little more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Truthfully, it doesn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aleena and Kelsey and Cody and him get along great together. While they can have serious, heartfelt conversations, they leave that behind when they fuck around and have fun. They go places where they don’t have to get drunk. They plan their nights in and do themed events like trivia nights in pyjamas and as much as he rolled his eyes at it, he actually really has fun.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything doesn’t feel as loaded and deliberate, the way it did with Elijah. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gets home from practice one evening to Cody eating ice cream out of a carton, lying on the couch with his laptop on his stomach, on the phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah Kels, I’ll see. If Noel doesn’t have training that Wednesday, which I don’t think he does because he usually skips Wednesday evenings, we’ll make it. Okay, gotta go. Bye. Love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody hangs up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that about?” He asks, setting down his duffle bag. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody turns his head to look at him, a stray strand of hair grazing across his forehead in the process. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aleena and Kelsey want to do another Love Island marathon this Wednesday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel laughs, tells him he’ll text them, and tells him he’s going to take a shower.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dinner’s almost ready,” Cody says in response. “It’s just in the oven.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Noel gets back, Cody’s tied the apron around his waist again, and is putting on oven mitts.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Damn dude, all that just for pulling a tray out of an oven?” Noel says as he sits at the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody doesn’t look at him, just frowns in concentration as he leans over the oven door to grab at the pan without touching any of the oven. That same stray strand of hair hangs forward and it makes Noel feel something uncomfortable in his stomach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabs a hot mat and places it in the center of the table, and Cody sets the tray down grinning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn dude, keep this up and I’ll just have to wife you,” Noel calls at him as he heads back to shut the oven door and Cody freezes for a second.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Too far, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Noel thinks to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Cody sits down across from him he tries to catch his eye but Cody’s lost in space somewhere as he puts a serving of chicken on his plate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, sorry if that was too far, I was just-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Elijah used to say that to me all the time,” Cody cuts him off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel wants to throw his head back in frustration. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nice one.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not-I’m not upset you said it, sorry, it just reminds me of him. He’d always call me his girlfriend or his wife in this super demeaning tone, and I never really liked it. I don’t care that you said it though, I know you weren’t saying it to be demeaning. Just, yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel takes in his words and thinks for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” is the best he can come up with and Cody says a quiet it’s fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They eat for a couple more seconds before Noel speaks up again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s kind of gaslight-y of him to do that,” he tries. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t know what to say to this, honestly. He feels for Cody, but doesn’t know which words will make him feel better. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody’s gotten good at reading Noel though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything, it’s a bit heavy and there’s not too much room for discussion with it that doesn’t get shrinkish. I just wanted to share that with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel nudges Cody’s foot with his gently as he smiles at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m seeing a therapist this weekend,” Cody continues. “I want to do a session or two before work starts and then hopefully I’ll get to work it out on my own. Or do more. I’m not sure yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel nods, chewing before he swallows.Cody is a much better chef than he is, holy shit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take it as you go, you know what you need best. And I’m here for you,” he says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody smiles at him, licking some gravy out of the corner of his upper lip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel feels it in his stomach again. That feeling he gets before he starts liking someone. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Man, come on. We live together. He just got out of the worst relationship. Not this.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s sick of his own bullshit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody asks him about his fight and he tries his best to stay focused and look anywhere but Cody’s mouth. When he looks to Cody’s forehead, that fucking strand of hair is still sat there, almost taunting him to push it back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel stupidly uses his fingers to brush it back and Cody immediately goes quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” he says once he’s done and the strand bounces to the side of Cody’s face, gently kissing where his eyes crinkle when he smiles-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No worries,” Cody says, and he looks a little confused but he tilts his head to the side and looks at Noel with a sort of innocent slyness.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m so fucked for this one.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you know the dude I’m fighting has a chest piece? Look, I got a picture of him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cody sits in an office with sage coloured walls, staring at the painting adjacent, trying to decipher exactly what it was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A whale? Or elephants maybe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hears a lady open the door and step out into the main foyer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr. Cody Kol…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She drifts off and Cody stands up. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“That’s me,” he says sheepishly as she continues to struggle with his last name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on in,” she says warmly, gesturing for him to follow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He listens to her talk first. Her name is Owani - she specializes in trauma and also works at the local women’s shelter to help domestic abuse victims.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Domestic abuse victim. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The word feels heavy and Cody has to battle feeling like a fraud every time he hears it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like saying domestic abuse survivor better,” she states, sensing his discomfort with the word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody feels like survivor isn’t the word for him either. Because technically he could have fought back and held his own. And technically it didn’t get too bad. And technically he didn’t survive. Noel just pulled him out in time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He can hear Noel in his brain, telling him to tell here everything so she can help him work it out. He can almost feel Noel’s thumb, rubbing comforting circles on the back of his hand when he freaks out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he tells her. He tells her the story, tells her Noel found him in time. Tells her how Noel and him used to hate each other but now they’re doing good and live together, actually. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tells her about how he didn’t know how to feel about being a victim or a survivor. She listens to him talk all the way through. Prompting him once or twice to express how certain situations made him feel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he finishes, she looks at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you don’t want to label the situation yet, or ever, we won’t. And in terms of your theory of Elijah driving a wedge between you and Noel, it is very likely that was exactly his intentions. Abusers-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pauses, and Cody expresses no objections to her using that word to describe Elijah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Abusers socially isolate their partners. They like being the only thing their partner has.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody changed his mind on the abuser label.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, Elijah’s been through a lot though. Him and Noel come from a pretty rough place and his mother wasn’t exactly good to him when she was around. I always thought he grew past it too. I don’t know, maybe that’s how he expresses love? Because he was once a victim too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Owani smiles sadly at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cody, have you been verbally or physically aggressive with anyone ever since Elijah got aggressive with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody shakes his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly. And if Elijah had supposedly processed and understood everything that happened to him in the degree that you told me, would he act this way? Or would he do everything in his power to make sure that his future partners never felt the way he did?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody’s stumped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are so many myths about abuse floating around, it makes it that much easier for abusers to justify their actions and be believed by more people. I’d recommend, if you have the time…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stands and heads towards a bookshelf, and plops a book with a red cover, with the words </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why Does He Do That?</span>
  </em>
  <span> written across it in front of him. It has four sticky notes poking out of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Regardless of whether you choose to take a second session or not, I’d like you to look at the sections I’ve marked. The book is more about abusive men in heterosexual relationships, but there is some information there that is useful to everyone. Drop by and return it whenever you feel finished,” she says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody thanks her, and flips through one of the sections on his way home. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Noel’s fight is today.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s sitting in Kelsey and Aleena’s new apartment, on Kelsey’s bed as she tears through her shirts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have anything good in red,” she grumbles. “Tell Noel to pick a less dress appropriate and more shirt appropriate colour for his team in the next fight. Red is a shitty colour to wear a top in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could wear a dress,” Cody offers and she glares at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never say that shit to me again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody rolls his eyes, and tosses a top at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This one is nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was looking for that one, thanks!” Kelsey chirps, skipping to the bathroom to change.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aleena and Noel had spent the day at the gym. Aleena was helping with the set up and organization, and Noel wanted to do some warm ups and spend some time with his coach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you nervous?” Kelsey asks him as she steps out of the bathroom, parting her hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What for?” Cody responds, running a hand through his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noel’s fight. You get so flustered when he shows us videos of him practicing. If I didn’t know any better,” she grins at him walking into the hallway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody feels his heart freeze and Kelsey laughs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude relax. I was just kidding but now your reaction makes me think that I should be not kidding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do not like Noel. He is just a really good friend for picking me up at this point in my life!” Cody protests as he follows her. She shuts off the lights and locks the door and they walk down the corridor to the elevator.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmmm,” Kelsey says, looking at him intensely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Cody asks her, crossing his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing,” she says, smirking to mainly herself. “Just cute is all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s cute?” he asks her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pokes his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That you make such an effort to be there for your boyfriend. Even painted your cheeks red in support!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody groans. “That was bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not as bad as how whipped you are,” she continues. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cody, you wear a fucking apron. You might as well just strip naked and sit on his bed and beg for him to-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay!” Cody says loudly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a bit of a crush on him but I’m also a bit of an emotional wreck right now. So I don’t want to do anything. Or make him feel uncomfortable. So I’ll just lay low and see if this even lasts past the summer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kelsey rolls her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you’ll last more than a few hours. After seeing him fight you’ll probably throw yourself at him all, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Noel, that’s so funny! I don’t know how you come up with these things. Please Noel, please-</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He walks off so he doesn’t have to hear the rest.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>who caught the easter eggs?? cookies for whoever gets them all. i will literally mail them to u in an envelope.<br/>also hi!! sorry for disappearing for a bit, honestly planned to update sooner but school got crazy and i'm doing well so i'm trying to keep that momentum! hope you're all well, and as always would love to know your thoughts. know the story has been a little slow these past few chapters but i wanted to really establish character dynamics instead of rushing that alongside the plot.<br/>thank u thank u thank u for showing love on the last chapter :) hoping to update once more this week feel free to hold me accountable &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>If Noel could describe this feeling, he thinks coked up in the best way to phrase it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His heart is beating aggressively in his chest as Christian wraps his hands. His coach is standing in front of him, harsh lines creasing the area between his eyebrows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright Miller, you’ve got a good shot at this. He might have a bit more experience than you, but remember, he’s won his past two fights so he’s a bit cocky. It’s been a while since you’ve been in the ring, but you’ve got all of us standing behind you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Christian takes his mouthguard out of the case with his fingers disgustedly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Open wide, baby,” he teases, but when Noel’s expression remains serious as he opens his mouth, he slips it in without any other comments.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look Noel, you got this. Knock his ass out,” Christian says, slapping his shoulder. Noel grins up at him while standing up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cody hadn’t been to anything like this before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was different from the day at practice, where it was just a million things happening in the background and Noel going at it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The air felt static, and hearing everyone else buzzing in excitement made him feel excited too. Spock was sitting next to him, pointing out something inside the ring to him. Kelsey was just watching him, grinning like an idiot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Spock excused himself to go check some last minute stuff with the sound system, Kelsey hops back on his case.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So how long have you liked him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody groans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I know I said I liked him but I’m still conflicted about it. He’s just really nice, and I’m confusing that for attraction.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kelsey nods thoughtfully. Cody takes a swig of cold water from his bottle, feeling a bit warm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I first started liking Aleena I hated watching her talk to anyone else that wasn’t me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody almost chokes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just curious if you feel that way. About seeing him around other guys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He flushes red again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but I mean, I’m just a little possessive in general.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kelsey shakes her head in disagreement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, I don’t think you are. You just know what you like. Go get him, tiger,” she says, slapping him on the back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aleena’s voice rings through the sound system, and the sixty people in the room or so immediately hush.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Testing, testing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She waits, and no feedback occurs, so she throws a thumbs up to Spock, who flicks a switch. A man steps out into the middle of the ring.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Welcome ladies and gentlemen, to the welterweight division boxing showcase!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The crowd cheers enthusiastically and Cody joins in. When Noel is announced, he and Kelsey stand up to applaud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Noel comes out to the floor, Cody wants to call out his name but decides against it. He looks so focused and tuned in, doesn’t glance at the spectators once.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His opponent is a man named Enrich Pederson, and when they touch gloves to start, Cody notices that Noel’s cheek dimples when he clenches his jaw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel knows his strategy. When they start, he jabs him in the forehead. The other guy starts swinging at his chest and he moves out of the way the best he can, keeping his gloves up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel wins the first round.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pederson’s crew is giving a pep talk, while Noel heads to the side of the ring and glances at his coach and Christian. His coach nods in approval and Christian pumps his fist in the air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noel!” Kelsey yells, waving at him as he gets his water bottle handed to him. He breaks out of his trance for a second and grins, waving at her and Cody. Cody smiles back, and mouths you’re doing great.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Noel gets back in the ring he takes a hit to the face within the first fifteen seconds. He powers through it though, and ends up winning again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aleena’s made her way to Cody and Kelsey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s an easy win for him now,” she says. “He just needs one more. We kinda knew though. He’s a bit overqualified for this fight, his opponent didn’t train nearly as hard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel loses the next round, which stresses Kelsey and Cody out but Aleena doesn’t seem too phased by it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’ll get the next one, trust,” she says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s right. Noel wins. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grins as they declare him the official winner, sweat gleaming on his forehead. He poses with a large cheque, shakes hands with men in suits who ask him about his next fight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, not for a while. I got school,” he tells them and they hand him their cards anyways. He shakes hands with his opponent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The air feels electric. They’re cheering obnoxiously loudly, but it seems to be okay because Christian, who is meant to be acting extremely professionally, is losing his shit too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they leave, Noel demands calories.</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“I miss Thai food,” he says, and he wants to go right away but Aleena demands he goes home and showers and changes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They get into Aleena’s car, laughing loudly as they talk. The girls make Spock, Cody, Noel and Christian squeeze into the back. Noel goes silent for a second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s on your mind man?” Spock asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel shakes his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is just different from how I expected the win to go, y’know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone knows he means Elijah would be here. He turns to look at Cody.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is a lot better though. I like this. It’s just, wow. Crazy. I feel like there’s cocaine in my veins. I could do anything right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody feels cocaine in his veins too. Man, this shit is crazy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re all so proud of you dude. You deserve this so much,” Cody says sincerely and Noel smiles, the streetlights temporarily illuminating his face before he fades back into the shadows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why the fuck are you two up front when you are both five feet tall,” Christian says, struggling to adjust himself in his seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody snorts. “Five feet if we stacked you on top of each other,” he says and Christian bumps his fist and says nice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh we’re stacked on top of each other alright,” Kelsey says, and Spock and Noel start making loud noises to drown out whatever she says next.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Censorship, babe” Aleena complains, before looking over and grinning at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel looks at Cody.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they get home from Thai food at one in the morning, Noel puts streetbeefs on TV.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude, are you not tired of fighting?” Cody complains, as Noel shushes him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“These are funny!” He defends himself. “Come sit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody sighs, but climbs next to him on the couch anyways.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I give you less than five until you pass out of exhaustion,” he says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can do at least seven right now,” Noel challenges.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They get through three of them before Noel passes out on his shoulder. Cody sighs, before groaning and picking him up in his arms. He puts him in bed, watches him for a second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He can’t stop his thumb from running over the small cut on Noel’s temple. Noel’s eyes flicker open for a second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You watching me sleep, Edward Cullen?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody laughs, throws the duvet over him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wish.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shuts the light and walks to his room, tries his best to not feel like his heart is on fire.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next morning, Noel gets up before him, actually. The smell of pancakes wafts into Cody’s open bedroom door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he finally bothers to roll out of bed, he sees Noel bent over the stove, shaking the pan with furrowed eyebrows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning, need help?” Cody says in between yawns. “Also, you just fought yesterday. Sit down, I’ll cook.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You always cook!” Noel says. “I wanted to try. So chocolate chip pancakes. By Noel. No featuring Cody,” he orders, gesturing towards the table for Cody to sit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody rolls his eyes but sits and waits patiently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Noel finally finishes one, he serves it on a dish with whipped cream (what the fuck) over the top.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This looks good dude, thank you,” Cody says sincerely as Noel watches him with expectant eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he bites into it, he tries not to grimace. It lacks something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noel, did you put sugar in this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel’s grin drops. “Fuck. I think. Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody cuts a piece and holds out the fork for Noel to take, but he just opens his mouth expectantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here comes the fucking missile,” Cody says in a sarcastic voice, reaching his arm out further as Noel bites down on the fork.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chews for a second before he swallows.</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Yeah. There is NO sugar in this bitch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Cody tells him to step aside, throws in some sugar and mixes it nicely before handing it back to Noel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They turn out pretty okay afterwards.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Our internships start tomorrow man, fuck,” Cody says while they play Warzone that Sunday afternoon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude, don’t get me started. At least we can hangout at lunch if there’s nobody else we like at the company,” Noel says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes! And there’s four burrito places in a two mile radius, and we’re going to try every item on every menu even if it makes us sick,” Cody says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel snorts. “Of course you already looked at the nearby food places.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well how else was I </span>
  <em>
    <span>supposed</span>
  </em>
  <span> to plan out our lunch dates?” Cody says, frowning, and Noel’s heart stops beating for a second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah, relax dude, you look horrified right now. I promise I’m not hitting on you,” Cody says, nudging Noel with his elbow and crossing his toe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not that, stupid. I’m getting sent to the gulag again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Cody walks into his new workplace, an analytics firm, he doesn’t expect to see Devon and Marcus there. They’re standing with the man that interviewed him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Mr. Kolodziejzyk,” Devon says, his face serious as he reaches out to shake Cody’s hand. “My name is Devon, and this is my peer, Marcus. We are the other interns at this company this summer, and we’re so excited to work together for the benefit of this company.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, splendid to meet you, Marcus and Devon,” Cody says, not sure what they’re playing at.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man gives them a tour of the building, pointing out the different departments. He ends it in a glass meeting room with four computers set up inside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is where the three of you will be working from Mondays to Thursdays, and on Fridays you’ll sit with an assigned mentor. There will be a senior employee here every day to direct you on what you are to do. Any questions?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No sir. Thank you for this amazing opportunity,” Marcus says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re so excited to work here,” Cody adds, feeling left out of the professionalism.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get to know each other for a bit, your advisor is running a bit late,” the boss says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And if you need anything, just ask for Michael.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiles at them before walking off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They crack up when he does.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck guys? You didn’t tell me you were working here? You said you’d be coming home next week?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah well, surprise! We asked Kelsey where you were interning and interviewed here, didn’t expect all of us to end up in the same place. Especially Devon,” Marcus adds. Devon shoves him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re both so stupid,” Cody groans. </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“We haven’t heard from you in weeks man! How’re things? You and Elijah doing good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody forgot to tell them about that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A lot happened. We’ll catch up during lunch, can’t say right now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A woman with bright red hair knocks on the glass door, and smiles as she opens it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey boys, how’re you? I’m Rita, I’ll be your supervisor for today.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He texts Noel and tells him they’ll have guests for lunch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you guys remember Noel?” he asks.</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“The dude you hate? Yeah. He’s funny though,” Devon says, taking a drink of water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah well- we live together now,” Cody says, and Devon almost chokes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude? Moved in with the boyfriend and his best friend? They’re going to ask for a threeway,” Devon states.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, actually, I’m not with Elijah anymore. He’s- our relationship got pretty bad,” He says, and Marcus looks concerned for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, he got kind of physical when we fought so we’re not together anymore,” Cody says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Devon and Marcus’s eyes widen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you living with his best friend then?” Marcus asks, brows furrowing. “That’s dangerous dude, we gotta get you out now-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel walks up to them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Cody, what’s-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sees Marcus and Devon and smiles at them.</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Marcus, Devon right?” he asks, extending a hand for them to shake.</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>Devon shakes it cautiously while Marcus just eyes him up and down. Noel looks confused, but doesn’t say anything yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guys, Noel doesn’t talk to Elijah anymore,” Cody says, embarrassed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Recognition pops up on Noel’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you wanna talk to them in private it’s all good, I got stuff to do and can take my lunch break later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Noel it’s all good-” Cody starts but Noel shakes his head.</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Nah man, catch up with your friends. The three of us can hang out together after work if that’s cool.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody feels gratitude in his chest when Noel smiles once again, waves at the three of them and walks back to his office. He doesn’t look mad in the slightest. That’s Noel; understanding as hell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, Noel found out Elijah was- y’know, first. He kinda got me out of that whole situation and they don’t talk anymore,” Cody says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a relief. He seemed like a really down to earth guy. Just, if anything happens, call us, y’know?” Marcus says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Devon shakes his head. “God, what an asshole. Elijah can kick rocks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody doesn’t want to talk about Elijah anymore and Devon senses it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So guys, there’s like, four burrito places in a two mile radius,” Devon says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marcus and Devon have to go see some other friends after work, so Cody and Noel bus home together. Noel still isn’t mad, just listens to Cody talk about his day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel leaves his phone on the coffee table while he goes to the bathroom. It buzzes violently once, twice, then three times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody peaks at the caller ID and his blood runs cold for a second.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>super sorry for the two week break but i hope this (and the other fic I posted LMFAOO) make up for it!! thank u guys for being so patient and nice in the comments even when i was gone &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Elijah’s name flashes across the screen.</p><p>Cody goes through a myriad of emotions: shock, then anger, then fear, then anger again.</p><p>Noel lied to him. He’s still regularly speaking with Elijah. Clearly, if he’s comfortable enough to just call him out of the blue. </p><p>This? This is what’s been going on? He doesn’t think he deserves it.</p><p>He tries to control himself. Elijah could just randomly be calling right now, as a one time thing. Maybe he left something at Noel’s place. Or maybe he needs help with an emergency. Would Noel help Elijah if there was an emergency?</p><p>Cody would help. He doesn’t want to know if Noel would.</p><p>He doesn’t know he’s shaking until there’s a tentative hand on his shoulder.</p><p>His eyes meet Noel’s.</p><p>“Cody? You okay?” he asks in that soft voice that seems to be reserved for him when he’s quivering like a frightened animal. </p><p>Cody swallows hard.</p><p>Noel is unlocking his phone, and his features harden when he sees the Caller ID. <em> Oh. </em></p><p>“Did it freak you out?” He says it the same way as earlier.</p><p>It gets on his nerves. Cody gets it. He fucked up by staying with a prick that tossed him around whenever he felt like he wanted attention from Noel. But he’s not made of glass. He’s made recovery and progress, and is almost healed up enough to start working out again. Because he’s an athlete. And he’s a programmer too. And he has more to him outside of school. He’s accomplished in his own right outside of Elijah. And he’s not weak.</p><p>He wants to say something, to give Noel a piece of his mind and he opens his mouth before stopping himself because Noel doesn’t deserve it.</p><p>
  <em> Can you blame him?  </em>
</p><p>Cody begged Noel not to kill him, saw him with blood dribbling down his chin while he cried. Noel all but nursed Cody back to health. Saw him at the lowest of lows. That’s got to do something to a person. Has to do something to the way Noel sees Cody. </p><p>
  <em> He sees you as weak.  </em>
</p><p>The thought upsets him. He meets Noel’s eyes again. They’re amber and green and concerned, brows raised as if he’s encouraging Cody to speak.</p><p>He takes a deep breath instead, clenching his fists as he exhales to ground himself.</p><p>“I’m fine. Just thought you should know he called. If you’re still in contact with him I would like to move out,” he states, trying to detach from the situation.</p><p>He can’t handle what he knows Noel is going to say. That nothing is wrong and everything is okay. That he doesn’t know why Elijah has called. Then he’ll rationalize Cody out of his head because he’s Noel and he figures the logistics out when Cody’s too stressed about the details. <br/>“Cody,” Noel’s voice sounds hurt.</p><p>“I’m not talking to him anymore. I haven’t since I dropped off his car. You can look through my phone if you want.”</p><p>Then of course Noel is handing him the phone, unlocked, like he has every right in the world to look through. Because all Noel wanted was for him to feel safe here. </p><p>“I don’t- I trust you, I don’t want to look through your phone man. I just-” Cody’s feeling increasingly dizzy the more he speaks. </p><p>“I just don’t want-” he starts again, but his hands are shaking and that freaks him out so he has to close his eyes to stabilize himself again.</p><p>He feels arms around his torso, gently maneuvering him towards the couch. Noel, nothing but gentle and good to him. Everything he feels like he should want, everything he feels like he does want, but can’t have. Doesn’t deserve. He’s spiralling again, but he lets it happen.</p><p><em> I was doing so well, </em>he thinks to himself. Now he feels like he’s right back to square one.</p><p>He hears footsteps walking away from him, and he wants to call out, doesn’t want Noel to leave him alone in this headspace because he really doesn’t trust himself.</p><p>A tap runs. A fire truck drives past their apartment, sirens wailing faintly. </p><p>There’s a cup brushing against his fingertips, then a body sitting down on the couch a safe distance away from him.</p><p>“Whenever you’re ready, man. Take your time.”</p><p>Cody takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly. He tries to focus his hands on gripping the glass of water, wills his feet to stop shaking.</p><p>They sit in silence for a while. Noel spares him the shame, doesn’t look at him while he tries to center himself.</p><p>“I don’t know why it freaks me out so bad,” Cody says, breaking the silence.</p><p>Noel turns to look at him, non judgemental as always.</p><p>“I just- mentally I’ve already worked through it. I feel like I’ve accepted all the stuff that happened, accepted and moved on, even. But I just- I’m reminded he exists, and he’s living his life, and he’s coming back one day, and I just-”</p><p>He pauses to take a drink of water, counts to three in his head.</p><p>“My body just reacts with panic. I’m shaking before I’ve even started thinking too hard. Then I start thinking too hard. I don’t know why.”</p><p>Noel nods. He’s looking at Cody with an intensity he can’t identify.<br/>“It’s hard. Physical trauma is hard,” Noel says.</p><p>Cody nods.</p><p>“I just- It sucks. It sucks that he did this to you,” Noel continues.</p><p>“Yeah. But it is what it is,” Cody says, smiling at him sadly.</p><p>Noel thinks for a moment.</p><p>“What if we called him?”</p><p>Cody freezes. “What?”</p><p>Noel shifts closer to Cody, showing him the screen of his phone. Cody puts his arm around Noel’s shoulder out of comfort but also habit (and maybe because he just wants to be close to him right now.)</p><p>“Hear me out. What if we call him and you hear his voice. And I’ll tell him off or address whatever he wants to talk about. And if you want to chime in and stick it to him feel free. But you could- Maybe ripping off the bandaid could help.”</p><p>It isn’t a bad idea. It still gives Cody anxiety.</p><p>“I don’t know whether your therapist would approve this method of approaching things or not though. It is a bit of a Noel Miller Original,” Noel says grinning, and Cody rolls his eyes.<br/>He thinks about it more. </p><p>It scares him. He absolutely does think his therapist will give him so much shit for doing it the next time he sees her if he tells her. But he feels like he should do it. He owes it to himself, right? To just see how Elijah’s doing? To see him get put in his place, by Noel if not somebody else?</p><p>He wants it to be over. Anticipating something, waiting for something is killing him slowly. Noel is right. The band aid has to come off.</p><p>“Call him,” Cody says.</p><p>“Hey, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to-” Noel starts but Cody cuts him off.</p><p>“Do it before I change my mind.”<br/>Noel doesn’t deny him, pressing down on Elijah’s name in his phone and putting it on speaker.</p><p>It rings once.</p><p>Twice.</p><p>It picks up. Cody’s stomach sinks in anticipating.</p><p>“Hey,” he hears Elijah’s voice for the first time in weeks.</p><p>“Hey,” Noel answers shortly. He glances at Cody who motions for him to keep going.</p><p>“Surprised you called back Miller, especially after you took my <em> bitch </em> in and dropped me,” Elijah drawls through the speaker.</p><p>“Surprised you have the balls to talk all that shit after you ran away early because you can’t handle the consequences to your actions,” Noel matches his cold tone.</p><p>“I’m just playing, Noel, come on. Can’t even take a joke anymore. Cody would. He’s next to you, isn’t he? Hi Cody, how are you <em> baby </em>?” Elijah says.</p><p>Noel glances at Cody, who shakes his head profusely.</p><p>“Nah, Cody’s not here. He’s also not your baby, or whatever the fuck,” Noel says, spitting out the last part and Elijah laughs.</p><p>“That’s weird dude,” Noel continues.</p><p>“Sure. No way in hell he’s not there next to you right now. Especially after you’ve <em> moved in </em> together. Cody, Noel and I used to call you my bitch all the time. He never had a problem with it until now, just letting you know,” Elijah’s cadence is casual, like they are all friends catching up after a long week.</p><p>Noel can’t look Cody in the eye right now. He can explain later.</p><p>“That was before I knew what you were doing.”</p><p>“What was I doing Noel?” Elijah asks, voice singsongy.</p><p>Noel takes a deep breath this time, rolling his shoulders, once forward, back twice.</p><p>“Why did you call me?” Noel responds with the question flatly.</p><p>“I called to say congratulations. About your fight.”</p><p>“It was last week,” Noel says.</p><p>“Okay, saying congratulations now though,” Elijah responds cheerfully. </p><p>“That all?” Noel scoffs out. <br/>“Yeah.”</p><p>There’s silence for a few moments.</p><p>“How’s living with Noel, Cody?” Elijah asks.</p><p>Cody swallows, tries to meet Noel’s eyes to tell him that it’s okay, that they can hang up.</p><p>“Cody isn’t here dipshit-”</p><p>“It’s fine,” Cody says. His voice comes out steelier and stronger than he expects.</p><p>Elijah laughs. <br/>“Yeah? He isn’t too much of a slob for you?”</p><p>“Don’t call him that,” Cody mumbles, bravado fading quickly.</p><p>Elijah cooes through the receiver. Noel mutes them.</p><p>“We don’t have to listen to this,” he tells Cody.</p><p>“Yes I do,” Cody whispers, before unmuting them.</p><p>“So cute. You couldn’t stand each other a few months ago, now you’re defending each other’s honour. I trained him up all nicely for you too, Noel,” Elijah says, and Noel feels like he’s going to be sick.</p><p>“Cody does most of the housework, doesn’t he? He’s a good cook. I bet you’ve never stopped to wonder why he does it Noel,” Elijah continues, and Cody feels Noel’s shoulders tense.</p><p>“Noel,” Cody whispers, but Noel just shakes his head in response.</p><p>“What makes you think we’re living together?” Cody asks, his leg anxiously shaking.</p><p>Elijah laughs like it’s funny.</p><p>“I called coach to catch up, and since Noel and I are such good friends, well, <em> were </em> , such good friends until you <em> fucked </em> it up-” Elijah spits the last part out.</p><p>“Enough, Elijah. Stop talking out of your ass,” Noel says out of gritted teeth.</p><p>“No, let me finish. He told me that there’s some guy living with you. And I only assumed it was Cody because he can’t handle being on his own. And he can’t defend himself because he isn’t strong enough-”<br/>Cody’s shaking again, but his mind rages. There’s ten things he wants to say right now, but he can’t articulate them all at the same time. Noel huffs, shifting so his hand is on top of Cody’s. Cody feels his nerves turn more jelly-like when Noel starts stroking anxious circles with his thumb on the back of Cody’s hand.</p><p>“That isn’t about how strong Cody is and you know it. You’re a trained boxer. And you were his boyfriend-” Noel starts but Elijah snorts.</p><p>“You can try to lie to me all you want, Noel, but you need to accept the fact that you greatly benefit from what I did to Cody. And you can lie to yourself all you want, but you’re just like me. We’re the same. Cody knows it. That’s why he’s terrified to piss you off. And you know it too, and you keep him around because you like-”</p><p>Noel cuts the phone call. He’s seeing red, doesn’t trust himself not to respond in an appropriate manner. Is there an appropriate manner?</p><p>He’s gripping Cody’s hand tighter than he means to. <br/>“I don’t feel that way, just so you know,” he hears Cody say softly.</p><p>Noel swallows hard and tries his best to nod.</p><p>“Noel, seriously. I’m not-I’m not scared of you dude. I cook because I like to cook. And because you had a fight, and I was home with nothing else to do anyways. You can do the dishes if what he said really bothered you,” Cody tries his best to be lighthearted, but Noel looks at him seriously.</p><p>“I don’t think you’re weak,” he states it as matter of factly as he can. </p><p>Cody pauses, removing his arm around Noel’s shoulder, shifting himself a little bit further away so they can look at each other. </p><p>“I don’t think you think I am most of the time. Just-” he pauses, trying to gage Noel’s reaction.</p><p>“I just get in these really bad mental frames sometimes. I’m working on it.”</p><p>Noel nods, then gestures towards the phone angrily.</p><p>“He’s just so fucking- I don’t know. He’s always been a little bit like that - tries to get you to see his way and then twists it into something completely different.”</p><p>“But we’re doing good,” Cody insists. “We’re fine. He’s just trying to mess it up because it’s fun for him.”</p><p>“You’ll tell me though, right? If I’m freaking you out?” Noel asks.</p><p>Cody nods. “Yeah. I’ll-I’ll give you a heads up.”</p><p>Noel’s eyes have gone glassy, and Cody’s taken aback.</p><p>“I just-” Noel sniffs aggressively, wiping his nose on his sleeve.</p><p>Cody uses his thumb to catch the single tear rolling down Noel’s cheek.</p><p>“Sorry this isn’t- this isn’t about me,” Noel says abruptly, standing up.</p><p>“Noel,” Cody says, reaching out towards him, but Noel holds out his hands for distance.</p><p>He sits down on the bench to tie his shoes, grabs the gym bag by the doorway.</p><p>“I’m fine- I just, I’m gonna go hit the bags,” Noel says. </p><p>“Don’t wait up for dinner, I might be home late. Or I might go crash with Spock because he has some equipment of mine I need back. If I get there too late.”</p><p>“Noel, come on, don’t do this. Let’s talk about it,” Cody tries, trying to put his hand on Noel’s shoulder.</p><p>Noel breathes in sharply.</p><p>“I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I need space now. Please respect that,” he says.</p><p>“Noel-” Cody tries to start again.</p><p>
  <em> “Cody.” </em>
</p><p>There’s a finality in his voice that tells Cody that this conversation is over. </p><p>“Okay, fine. Whatever. Sorry I wanted to help you, and get tired of feeling like a fucking charity case,” Cody spits, stalking off towards his room.</p><p>“Well if you feel that way, maybe you should tell me,” Noel calls after him.</p><p>“Take off your shoes before you get dirt all over the hallway,” Cody says furiously, turning to Noel when he gets outside his door.</p><p>“I’ll just mop it up tomorrow,” Noel argues back.</p><p>“Fuck you, I was exhausted yesterday but I still did it. If I knew you were just going to get it all dirty again I wouldn’t have bothered,” Cody bites back. </p><p>“You could have told me you were tired, I would have done it!” Noel says, sounding pissed off.</p><p>“Fuck this. Fuck the floors. We were making real progress, and you’re just going to walk out,” Cody says, pointing his finger at Noel’s chest fiercely.</p><p>“I’m not ready,” Noel fumes, taking Cody’s wrist gently between his index finger and thumb. “And get your hands off me.”</p><p>Cody’s wrist twists in his grasp, before it's pulled away hastily.</p><p>
  <em> We’re fighting. </em>
</p><p>Noel throws his hands up in frustration; with himself for the stupid idea of calling Elijah, for wanting to walk out when they were having an important conversation, with Cody for pushing him to talk when he didn’t want to.</p><p>Cody flinches back violently. Noel feels like he’s been stabbed in the chest.</p><p>“You are afraid of me,” Noel says blankly.</p><p>“No, I’m-” Cody starts, reaching out towards him with trembling hands, but Noel steps back.</p><p>“I’m going to Spock’s for a few nights,” Noel says carefully, and Cody hates it.</p><p>“You don’t need to,” Cody says.</p><p>“I’m going to Devon’s when they get home. Go hit your bag or whatever. Have fun jumping to conclusions for shit that I’ve told you isn’t true, Noel. Goodnight.”</p><p>Cody slams the bedroom door and Noel stands there, feeling like a loser.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hey everyone! hope you're all doing well. - i may not be able to update for the next 2-3 weeks because I have a series of exams for a whole week. fun!! (not fun). just so everyone knows and doesn't think i'm abandoning this story after making blood oaths to multiple people in the comments that i would not.<br/>as many of you may know, the first thing on maslow's hierarchy of human needs is ao3 comments so feel free to yell at me or create a religion in my honour to fulfill this. any type of attention works (all jokes y'all, but would love to know what you're all thinking :))<br/>also may have another story in the works!! exciting.<br/>see u in the next one, hopefully soon</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It’s been two hours since Cody left. Noel finds himself sitting in the living room, waiting for his phone to ring. He knows, deep down that it won’t. But he’s trying desperately to convince himself Cody will call him and come home to him and everything will turn out okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody’s right. Emotionally withdrawing wasn’t going to help. He knows that pretending everything's okay can only go on a little while longer before it blows up in his face. He can’t shake that feeling, still, that he doesn’t have the right to be upset about the situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elijah did that shit right under his nose. All the signs were there. He threatened Cody the same night Elijah hurt him. He’d been a source of tension in their relationship the whole time, all because he didn’t want to get to know him in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was unfair to him at the time. That Elijah got to pick up some new boyfriend that emulated the life he thought he wanted growing up and be okay. That Noel still had hangups he couldn’t even think about because he’s terrified of what they mean. It was Noel’s jealousy that put Cody in danger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the end of the day, Elijah wouldn’t have been able to drive a wedge between them if he hadn’t been so standoffish in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s all his fault.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Noel had just worked through his shit earlier, Cody wouldn’t have been in that situation as long as he had been, because Noel </span>
  <em>
    <span>should have</span>
  </em>
  <span> been able to tell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat at bars and comforted Elijah as he cried crocodile tears, and Elijah went home and was violent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s all his fault. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s been two hours and fourteen minutes when it rings, but to his dismay, it’s Aleena calling instead of Cody.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, what’s up?” he answers, trying his best to not let on that he’s mentally spiraling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing much, just bored out of my mind,” she sighs, and Noel forces a fake laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was thinking about watching a movie,” she says after a few beats of silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t know. Kelsey went to get pizza and she’s making me decide. Which is the worst idea ever,” she complains.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’s that?” Noel asks, picking at a loose thread on his shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate making decisions!” Aleena says sheepishly. “I overthink them and I always feel like I’m making the wrong one.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Isn’t that just life though?” he finds himself teasing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but not making a decision is also a decision I can make. I can’t do that with movies,” she counters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel hums in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you have any ideas please feel free to share. Or if Cody has any.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s too easy to make an excuse about why Cody can’t come to the phone. He finds himself telling the truth instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cody and I had a fight.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Oh no, you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. It was kind of my fault. I think we’ll be able to talk it out when he gets home, just don’t know how to exactly approach the topic,” Noel admits.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well if it was just a little disagreement, I’m sure he’ll forgive you,” Aleena says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” he finds himself laughing out bitterly. “Because he’s scared of what I’ll do if he doesn’t?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s silent for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noel, don’t be stupid,” Aleena finally says flatly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If he was scared of you why would he willingly choose to live with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know!” Noel’s voice gets louder. “Because he was scared-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cody’s not some kicked puppy. He’s a grown man-”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“I know that!” Noel is yelling now. “I know that! He’s tough as hell! He’s one of the strongest people I know! But he shouldn’t have had to be strong where he was. If I’d just known-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noel, you don’t blame yourself for what happened, right? Because you know that it wasn’t your fault?” Aleena sounds so concerned for him, so worried in a way he doesn’t deserve.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t some stupid argument caused by some stupid little thing. He’s lying to her and he’s lying to himself. It was because Noel is an idiot and thought making Cody talk to the guy that put him through all that shit, after failing to protect him once, was a good idea. What possessed him to think he could protect him this time?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Putting Cody in an emotionally charged situation, and framing it like it was some fantastic idea. Some fucking guy he is, playing the victim right now, lying to their friends, lying to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know. Just in my own head right now. Listen, I’m gonna call Cody in a bit and just work it out. Thanks for listening.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noel-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hangs up before she finishes talking because he’s a coward. And he’s not going to call Cody. He’s tempted to call Elijah. To threaten him, to challenge him to some fist fight when he gets back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He almost laughs at the absurdity. He couldn’t protect Cody for not even a few hours ago. What big shift occurred between then and now that would make him find the words to say that would undo all of it? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The answer is none. Regardless of however everyone else chooses to justify his ignorance, it is still all his fault.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aleena tries to call Noel two more times before she gives up on reaching him directly. The door opens.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you pick the movie?” Kelsey’s voice calls out.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Noel’s in trouble,” she says in response. “Cody and him fought. And now he’s not picking up the phone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kelsey looks worried, placing the pizza on the kitchen table before moving towards the couch to sit next to Aleena.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should we call Cody?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They do. It goes to voicemail the first time but he picks up the second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sounds irritated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, you okay?” Kelsey asks him. He sighs through the receiver.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really. Sorry if I come off as aggressive right now. What do you need?” he asks flatly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noel isn’t okay either.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Cody scoffs. “Why, did he ask you to call? If he has a problem he’d like to address he can tell me himself. We don’t have to play broken telephone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He didn’t tell us anything. We just know he’s not okay right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody’s silent for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hangs up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aleena groans, looking at Kelsey. “If we ever have a huge fight like that, they’re not allowed to moderate.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kelsey laughs, and then her phone dings four times.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cody: I’ll be home in 15 </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cody: I hate him right now but we’ll fix it</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cody: That’s a lie I don’t really hate him</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cody: But we’ll fix it</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cody didn’t go to Devon’s. He didn’t want to explain it, after spending so much time talking about how Noel’s such a good dude, but a garbage cook, and how he doesn’t use up all the hot water because he prefers cool showers, and how coming home to him is so easy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s just wandering around the plaza close to their place, feeling like shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because it is so easy for Cody, but it clearly isn’t for Noel. All Noel has to do is look at him with soft eyes and Cody will tell him anything he wants to know. It’s not a painful process and doesn’t tire him out the way working through stuff with other people does. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fact Noel doesn’t feel the same way kills him. It’s a reminder that Cody isn’t someone he can ever see as an emotional equal, because Cody is damaged goods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s his fault for pushing Noel to talk about something he doesn’t want to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opens the door, not quite sure what to expect. He sees Noel jolting up from the couch, where he was previously lying down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They lock eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Noel says, voice soft, the way it always is with him and Cody wants to kill him and fall into his arms at the same time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Cody says back, and the word sounds surprisingly firm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t-I’m really sorry Cody, I didn’t mean to ruin your night,” Noel breathes out, and Cody’s taken aback at the emotion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, it’s okay man, we got so many other nights. God willing,” Cody jokes, but Noel shakes his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, stop trying to make this okay, it’s not. I made you call him and then got pissed off when you were just trying to be nice to me about it, and I shouldn’t have put you in that position, and you should have never been in that position,” Noel is rambling now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pauses. His teeth are gritted together and he’s holding his shaking palms out, clenching and unclenching his fists, trying to gain back some sort of control.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody climbs onto the couch when his breathing becomes uneven, pulling Noel’s head towards his chest. He kicks off his shoes, and swings a leg over Noel’s waist, engulfing him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel is silent, but shivers, like he’s crying without making noise or tears, shifting very slightly so he’s closer to Cody. His arms tentatively wrap around Cody’s ribcage, like he’s afraid he’s not allowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody just pulls him closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really sorry,” Noel repeats. “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry this happened to you, I’m sorry I made it happen to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noel,” Cody starts, semi in shock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This wasn’t- Hey, look at me,” Cody says, using his index finger and thumb to tilt Noel’s chin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They lock eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t blame you one bit, for that situation. It isn’t your fault, it was never your fault.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“How can you say that?” Noel asks, voice turning hoarse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How can you honestly look at me, after-”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“After you pulled me out of that situation with no hesitation? After you cut off your childhood best friend, no further questioning required for me? How could you have known what was happening? He lied to you the entire time. If I was you, I wouldn’t have figured it out at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel is silent for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I had just dated him, he never would have looked at you, or hurt you, or hurt anyone,” he whispers it so quietly that Cody almost misses it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody grips him tighter, pulls him closer to his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Cody says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a tone of finality in his voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He would have just hurt you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good,” Noel says, pressing his cheek against the fabric of Cody’s sweatshirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better me than you, or anyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noel, no. Not better. You don’t deserve bad things because someone was bad to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a heavy silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you even </span>
  <em>
    <span>know,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Cody says loudly, anger laced into the last syllable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, Noel, do you even know how much you mean to me? To everyone? We love you so much. I love you so much. I never want anything bad to happen to you, and I’m really glad we’re friends. If Elijah is what it took to get there, then I’d do it a thousand times again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t say that,” Noel says firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t say that ever again. You don’t need to suffer to have me. You don’t need to earn me through him. You could have had me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words hang there for a second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not like, not like you know, but yeah,” Noel justifies lamely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Having Noel. A fantasy he can’t risk indulging in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish we met differently,” Cody says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish you saw me at the gym or something, and asked for some protein shake ideas. Or something. Or that you recognized me from some previous class and we stuck together to make it through, and then we were friends from there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t matter,” Noel responds, his voice creating vibrations in Cody’s chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He prays that Noel can’t feel his heartbeat right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re here now. Could have gotten here through other ways but we’re here. So it doesn’t matter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody’s hands find themselves moving up and down over Noel’s back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is the most I’ve talked about my feelings to anyone, probably,” Noel confesses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody’s heart selfishly flutters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad I can be that for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sit in silence for a couple seconds.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“I’m sorry too,” he adds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was being selfish. I just, you’re so easy to talk to, and I was just upset because I think you think I’m weak-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel shifts his head to look at him, chin digging into his chest, eyes hazel and green and intense as always, and</span>
  <em>
    <span> fuck him so bad for this</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you’re weak.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He puts his arms on either side of Cody as he shifts his weight. He’s now hovering above him and Noel stays there for a second more than he should, just drinking in how Cody looks, wide eyed and lips slightly parted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s leaning in before he knows what he’s doing, and Cody’s eyes shut, but he doesn’t move towards or away from Noel. He saves it by redirecting his mouth towards Cody’s ears, breathing as softly as he can.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody’s skin is on fire, and there’s no fucking way-</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“I think you’re so strong,” Noel’s voice says in his ear, and Cody wants to drown himself in the way the words sound. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The strongest water ballerina ever,” Noel pronounces the words like they’re filthy, and it takes Cody a second to register exactly what they are.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” Cody shouts, pushing Noel off of him, as Noel howls with laughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s slightly relieved and slightly disappointed as Noel doubles over on the couch again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what we in showbiz call a callback,” Noel gasps out as Cody flicks him on the forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you stop being irritating, so some bitches will finally call </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> back,” Cody retorts, and Noel rolls his eyes at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have got to start communicating better,” Noel says, pulling out his phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should text Aleena, I think I worried her. She called sometime after you left.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably should,” Cody responds, feeling oddly empty now that Noel was sitting up on his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wanna watch a horror movie tonight?” He finds himself asking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this an excuse to cuddle?” Noel bites back, turning off his phone and tossing it to the side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone cuddles the homies,” Cody says defensively, only half joking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel calls him a big baby but still puts his head down on Cody’s chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You cuddle all your homies like this?” Noel’s voice is pitched the way he always does when he’s making a situation into a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody feels bold tonight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, just you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel turns on the TV and chooses Netflix on the menu.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Careful, </span>
  <em>
    <span>homie</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he says, grinning up at Cody the same way he did earlier, face half illuminated by the glow of the television.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re blurring some lines here.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>HELLO EVERYONE HOW ARE YOU ALL?<br/>It's been a hot minute! But here's the next chapter, hope it was satisfactory :) finals went well! thank you for all the good luck wishes in the comments, means the world.<br/>I'm thinking of starting another story for another fandom soon, still working out some details in regards to that so stick around!</p><p>as always would love to know your thoughts in the comments!!! see u all VERY soon for the next one (i promise no more long breaks)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I saw a therapist today, after boxing,” Noel tells Cody one Saturday afternoon as he fills out paperwork on the dining room table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” Cody replies offhandedly from the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Really helped. She gave me homework though, a bunch of shit I have to read through,” he groans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m sure it’ll be helpful. It has been for me,” Cody responds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel hums and they sit in comfortable silence for a few moments.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“By the way,” Noel starts. “I’m not gonna be home until late tonight.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh?” This gets Cody’s attention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rolls and puts his chin on his fist, adjusting himself to look at Noel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah. Your boy’s got a date,” Noel smiles softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody feels his mouth go dry as the information registers.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A date?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I’ve been scared to start, and my excuse is always that I don’t have the time, but I do now that we don’t have school. And she’s-”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She. It’s a girl.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“-an athlete too, so she gets the struggle, y’know?”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m an athlete.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. It gets busy,” Cody agrees, trying to look for an out to this conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just been a while, everything has been hectic with the match. I think- this could be good for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If it’s good for Noel, it’s good that it’s happening, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Cody thinks numbly, even though he knows he’s being selfish and illogical.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s your roommate and friend, he tells himself. You’re not entitled to him wanting you back because you want him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good for you man, happy for you,” he says again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some generic advice slips out of his mouth and he tries to ignore the pit in his stomach.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cody stays up waiting for Noel to get home, but doesn’t have to wait nearly as long as he thinks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He talked himself down from the sadness, hit the gym, called Marcus, called Kelsey, avoiding thinking about Noel, did the laundry, and thought about Noel anyways.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel is entitled to hang out with anyone he wants, and I am not more entitled to him just because I feel close to him, he reminds himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He plays his own therapist, even alternating between two chairs like he’s having a conversation with himself. When he feels insane, he stops and settles for playing video games.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the door opens, he tries his best not to run to it like a lunatic. Noel sighs heavily and Cody finally lets himself turn his head away from the TV.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey! How was it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel smiles at him, and Cody feels warm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was fine. She was nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Nice. That’s not how you describe a great first date! </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“So when are you gonna see her again?” He asks, hoping for the answer to be never.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, we’ll see. We didn’t have too much in common if I’m being honest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel sits next to him, propping his legs up on the coffee table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like, she was vegan. And I ordered a steak.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody chokes. Then he laughs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’d you-huh? Did she not tell you she was vegan before the date? I mean, most vegans will. I wouldn’t know actually, I’ve never been on a date with a vegan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel groans and throws his head back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beats me, man. She wanted to see if I’d choose “ethical food” over meat on my own!” He exclaims, using his fingers to draw exclamation marks in the air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody cracks up again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t laugh! I thought she was gonna cry, she kept looking at my plate and at me sadly the whole meal. But if I threw it away that would’ve been worse! Then that cow would have died for no reason!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel gets progressively louder as he tells the story.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So just to confirm, the date was nice?” Cody teases.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up,” Noel groans, elbowing him in the ribs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Noel goes on a lot more dates, actually. Nearly every weekend he has one lined up for the next three weeks. None of them go well - he always gets home and has a horror story to tell Cody.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s fine with Cody because he’s still working through his feelings and working out if- or how, exactly, he would break the news to Noel that he liked him too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noel, I’m starting to think the common denominator to the bad dates is you,” Cody finds himself saying one day on the bus home from work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, everyone else is crazy,” Noel insists.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds like something a crazy person would say.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m really good at the dates. I’m funny, I’m open, I share an appropriate amount of information about myself. I cannot afford to keep going on first dates like this,” Noel rambles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well then, don’t. Figure out what’s wrong with your dating pool, because right now it looks like someone pissed in it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haha,” Noel says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can prove I’m fantastic on dates - let me take you on one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody freezes. Noel freezes too, like he didn’t even know what he was saying as he said it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Obviously, as friends-” Noel starts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody cuts him off because he doesn’t want Noel to fully make it a homie-date, doesn’t want the occasion to become tainted with jokes about bromosexuality.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Noel looks confused, but he doesn’t look upset by the preposition. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll let you take me out,” Cody continues grinning and praying he sounds nonchalant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll even take notes throughout the whole thing about what you’re doing wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel scoffs, but he’s smiling too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, you won’t have a single smart thing to say after I blow your mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The competition feels familiar, but it’s more fun and less rage inducing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll hold you to it,” Cody responds coyly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Noel had no idea what the fuck he was doing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t gone out with anyone since sophomore year in high school - things just got too busy and he never had the time to meet anyone new. Between boxing, working, and desperately trying to maintain decent enough grades that he could attend university, dating had been the last thing on his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d always been picky too - didn’t bother getting to know people too well before deciding that he didn’t like them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thing about Cody is that he already knew him very well, and he would be a liar if he didn’t think about the possibility of them getting together often. Then he thinks about Elijah, thinks about how manipulative it would be for him to ask Cody to be with him while they lived under the same roof, with him covering rent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That gives him a financial advantage, an unfair edge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Also, it would be weird. And incest-y even if he liked Cody. They were bros. Bro-mies! Bromosexual but not in a gay way, but also not in a straight way because they both definetely do like men. But they were still brotherly. So that made it incest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even Noel knows his reasoning is bullshit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Does he like men? Does he like the idea of men?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t know. Noel has avoided all critical thought pertaining to his identity his whole life, and it is catching up to him at an ungodly speed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Here’s the thing - he definitely could see himself liking Cody if he thinks about it any longer. It’s also very possible, looking back on it, that he hated Cody and Elijah’s relationship not as a socio-economic commentary or whatever, but because he thought Cody was hot too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or maybe it was an economics thing. He doesn’t fucking know. He just dances around the line between friends and mildly flirty every opportunity he gets. He never pulls away if Cody puts his arm around him, always sits as close as possible. The other thing is, he can’t tell what Cody’s behaviour means for jackshit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody has so many dudebro friends, and you know how frat guys are - they’re touchy and get as close to homoerotic as possible before pulling away. Which is exactly what Cody and Noel are doing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now they’re going on a date.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A friend date? Or a real date? What the fuck is a friend date? Cody said yes before Noel said no homo so it counts as a</span>
  <em>
    <span> date</span>
  </em>
  <span>, right?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re going on a date! But I don’t know if it’s gay,” Cody tells Kelsey the next day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kelsey frowns.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cody, what are you talking about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noel and I are going on a date-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She excitedly claps her hands together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I fucking knew it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-But it isn't gay. Or it could be gay. I don’t know. We never clarified. It also could be an absolute joke,” Cody finishes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kelsey groans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two are so full of shit. What is this, high school? Fake date? You guys are allowed to go on dates. Mommy won’t stop you,” Kelsey continues, snorting at the end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is he taking you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know! We didn’t discuss anything about it! He just said it’s gonna blow my mind on the bus and that’s it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kelsey raises her eyebrows. Cody ignores her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He just has bad dates and I told him it might be possible he’s the problem. So he said he’d take me out to prove he wasn’t and I said yes!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kelsey holds her hand up high. “Nice one dude, didn’t think you had the game to pull that one off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I asked Aleena out for the first time, I asked her to go see a football game because I saw her wearing a football jersey. She said yes, and I pretended to know what I was talking about, and then we didn’t talk about football the entire game. We didn’t even pay attention. And then I found out she was just borrowing the jersey from a friend because it was cute and not because she liked football,” Kelsey says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I’ve heard this story a million times,” Cody complains, lolling his head back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’ll tell it again! I think it’s the best meet cute story in all of existence,” Kelsey argues.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody laughs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My meet cute with Noel is just us hating each other until my boyfriend beat me up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kelsey is silent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can laugh,” Cody presses, now aware he’s made the situation awkward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah. Your meetcute can exclude that asshole,” Kelsey continues.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s how it is. Plus, we talked about it. We’re okay with the fact that Elijah started our friendship because the start doesn’t define us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kelsey thinks about it for a moment and Cody goes deep red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cute,” she says, smiling softly at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone still tiptoes around the topic of Elijah with him, but Cody doesn’t mind. He doesn’t need everyone to come up with the perfect response always - sometimes listening was enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His thoughts have become a lot more organized since he started therapy. He feels like he can think about Elijah without wanting to tear his hair out. He doesn’t think it’s his fault anymore, and he believes himself when he thinks it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should I get him flowers?” Cody wonders out loud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could. You could get him protein powder,” Kelsey adds helpfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cody laughs as she grins at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bitch, ouch!” Noel yells as Christian smacks the boxing pad on the top of his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get faster reflexes,” Christian responds, grinning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Christian, just out of curiosity, if you were to take someone out on a first date and you really possibly could like them, like want it  to work out and have it be good but not come off too clingy, where would you have it?”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>He hits the pads three times, and blocks as Christian lunges at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d take Cody downtown LA, but on the side you both don’t work near,” Christian says casually.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel loses his footing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’d you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Christian laughs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noel man, it’s obvious you like him. You talk about him all the time. Even when it isn’t relevant to the conversation in the slightest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Christian motions for him to stop moving, before clearing his throat dramatically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god you guys,” he said, making his voice go as deep as he can.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you- are you drinking water? Did you know that Cody dives? Into water? Isn’t that crazy? And he drinks it too,” he makes a stupid facial expression that is fuckboy-esque.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t do that!” Noel protests.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do man. You’re fuckin’ whipped, acknowledge it or not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel groans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been avoiding thinking about it, but apparently everyone can see that I like him except me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about everyone,” Christian says smoothly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He puts a padded hand on Noel’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s your business. Nobody else’s. But you asked for my take, and I’m nosey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Christian then shoves his chest, knocking Noel back for a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now get back to the pads. You’re thinking so loudly it’s fucking up the energy. Stop thinking about it and trying to pick it apart. Let it be a good thing, keep it casual, and you can both take it as it goes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noel knows he’s right. And besides, if they don’t like it, they can go back to being friends. Friends who went on just one date. It’s all good and fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noel!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stops himself from thinking. He faces Christian, does his best to focus on hitting the pads.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>slices of life? maybe so!!!!! <br/>hope u all enjoyed, sorry the delays between chapters are so long! also hoping everyone is doing good, and stay tuned in for what happens next &gt;:)</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A/N: I am not claiming in any way that Cody and Noel are gay - they've got real life relationships that I respect and admire. This is just creative writing practice where I take bits of their characters online and use them as parts of a fictional story.<br/>Please do not show this to Tiny Meat Gang or any of their affiliates.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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